Longing for a baby (too old, with older DC)

[GoldenOlden]

Just wondered if anyone else had experienced this. Over the last few years I have been really longing for another baby (I have two lovely teens). I am kicking myself for not having had a third earlier- now I am almost certainly too old (mid 40s, wouldn't consider IVF) and it wouldn't fit with our life plans, so I accept that ship has sailed.

That doesn't make the longing any less though. Not sure whether hormones are contributing or just a sense of not being ready for this part of my life to be over.

Anyone felt the same? How did you deal with it?

I had dd2 , 23 years after dd1.
I was 38 at the time. Dd2 was a surprise arrival. It wasn't something I planned to go back to the baby years.

What does your partner think about another baby.

I think he would have been up for it 10 or even 5 years ago. He'd probably support me now if I said I really wanted to try but it certainly isn't part of how he sees the next few years- he's thinking about retirement!

I'm the same age as you. I have 2 kids, the youngest is 18 months. Despite having her, I'm still broody right now! No way I'm having anymore, so I jest have to put up with the broodiness!

I know what you mean. You'd probably still feel like this even if you'd had 3 when you were younger though

I think as you reach say your early to mid 40's it becomes a now or never stage I either have a baby or try for a last child. This can be hormones kicking in.
In your situation you already have 2 teenagers and perhaps you miss the days when they needed you more. The reality is that in a few years time your teenagers will be finished school, in college or working.

Also you know that your husband is thinking about his retirement. Perhaps at this stage he had enough of working long hours or in a stressful job. He can see himself leaving work in a few years time and enjoying his retirement.
If you have another child now his plans will have to change. You could end up having a child with special needs or a disability. Your back to sleepless nights and your dealing with a teenager in your mid to late 50's. That hard in your 20s/30s but in your mid 50s it will be worse.
Then you have the cost of putting this child through college just around your retirement age.

I know a lady who is now about 61/62 and her husband is 71/72. She had older kids and got pregnant in her mid 40's. Her youngest is doing their final school exams in 2 years time. She is try to help them decided what to do after leaving school. Then she is trying to figure out what loans, grants ect her child is entitled to because of their income.
Her husband has a pension and she works PT in low paying job. She spent years as sham and never did extra courses to get a better paying job.

Rather than regretting not trying for a 3rd child now you should be looking forward to the next part of your life. Do the course you want to or change jobs now to get a better salary. Start to make plans for when your kids finish school and go to college. Put extra money in your pension or savings so you can retire early. Even if you can't retire early perhaps you can go PT in work when once you have built up your savings.

I felt the same and adopted another child when I was 51. We are foster carers anyway and i have no desire to have an empty nest . In fact I would love to adopt one more but I am probably too old now sadly.