If you had a partner who drank a lot, is this familiar?

[Ellepa]

Time when he’s not drinking is marked by irritable moments, coldness, distance etc then as soon as a glass of wine in hand, spirits lifted, less stressed and easier to talk to?

When you called them out on it were they reluctant to admit a problem? Always blaming it on another person or a circumstance?

I am struggling with DP. He drinks nearly every day, never drunk but when he’s sober he’s pretty grim to be around. He point blank won’t accept this isn’t right.

Honestly, you can't fix this. Ask yourself if this is making you happy. Not 'if he stopped drinking I would be happy' - but actually right now? If the answer's not yes, honestly, run...
life post being in a relationship with someone with a drink problem is so wonderful!

Not a partner but have alcoholics in my wider family and this is par for the course for some of them. Some more "functioning" can maintain a good mood sober during the working week but are absolute nightmares if anything delays their Friday night drink.
To be honest addicts of any kind their is no telling them, you can only decide what you are willing to put up with and go from there.
I'm very sorry this is happening to you and your DP.

And it is 100% typical behaviour of a problem drinker. If he admits it's not ok, then he has to do something about it. And he doesn't want to do anything about it...

Alcoholics Anonymous also runs support groups for spouses, partners and relatives of people with alcohol problems.

I really think it would be worth finding a local group. You'll get some real life support as well as learning to recognise patterns of behaviour.

Good luck. X

Yes I did. And I fixed it by leaving.