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Struggling with the lack of sincerity/kindness in the workplace.

17 replies

ToooOldForThis · 08/10/2022 23:49

As per the title, I'm struggling with the lack of sincerity/kindness in my place of work. I'm no spring chicken and have never thought of myself as being a softie. Definitely don't think I'm naive. But recently I just can't seem to stomach the politics/sniping.

I sit in a staffroom on breaks, where everyone seemingly gets on well, has a laugh etc. But at other times I've heard almost every person be really quite unpleasant and mean about other people in there, so all the chit chat seems massively false? I'm probably quite a neutral person in that I'm not in any of the closer friendship groups, which can be a bit lonely, but it also seems to mean that people seem comfortable about bitching about others to me. I try just to be non committal and steer the conversation away. But I've heard some really derogatory stuff being said.

Also if someone is off for example, and we're told oh Susan has x illness, I just immediately think oh that's rotten poor Sarah. But everyone else starts eye rolling and doubting them.

I don't know if it's become more like this recently or if I'm just getting old but I feel i can't stomach it! It makes me feel everyone is insincere and two faced. The management team are similar, and I feel I wouldn't feel comfortable going to them, as any issues would be discussed in a similar fashion.

I know everyone likes a moan about their colleagues, but it is making me feel more and more unsettled.

Do I just need to accept that this is how people are?

On the surface everyone would say oh we're a tight knit team, management doors are always open etc, we're all so friendly...but it's so false!

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 09/10/2022 00:03

It's very much like this at my workplace. Within a couple of days of me starting there, someone invited me to walk with them on our lunch break. I thought they were just being friendly, but it turned out she just wanted me to get me on her side over some massive dispute she was having with the office manager ! Everyone appears friendly but there's a lot of backstabbing. I'm afraid I am one of those who does roll their eyes when people go off sick because it is literally every other week and usually related to them having a fall out with the manager who has asked them to do something a different way or pick up a new process. they then get 'stressed', go off sick, threaten to leave etc ! Most of the people I work with are a few years off retiring and have been there years and set in their ways. Mostly all part time but constantly off sick. I feel they are just biding their time until retirement, making life as easy for themselves as they can without being sacked. To be honest in 10-15 years time I will probably do the same but for now I still have a conscience.

ToooOldForThis · 09/10/2022 08:45

Thank you for replying! How do you deal with all the back stabbing etc?
I don't know why I've suddenly become so sensitive to it! I just think why can't people be genuine?

OP posts:
ToooOldForThis · 09/10/2022 16:50

Hopeful bump for the afternoon crowd, hoping to get rid of the Sunday night doom!

OP posts:
mamacattiva · 09/10/2022 17:09

I’m in the same situation and feel exactly as you do. I think we are in the minority and most people love to bitch and moan, which was difficult for me to comprehend when I first entered the world of work many moons ago. I now just avoid people tbh as it’s rare to find someone genuine. If someone does start bitching or moaning I reply with something positive to make them check themselves which must be hugely annoying for them but I don’t want to be dragged into their bullshit or condone their behaviour.

ToooOldForThis · 09/10/2022 17:51

Thank you for replying! I don't mind the moaning so much, I probably do a fair bit of that myself!
But i can't understand or stomach the insincerity, and people being friendly to each other's faces then saying awful stuff behind their backs! Do I just need to toughen up?

OP posts:
FavouriteDogMug · 09/10/2022 18:00

I find in places like this there is normally some kind of falling out at some point and you dont want to be involved with that. A lot of places have a bit of work friendliness to people you wouldn't generally be good friends with which is normal, but when there is lots of two faced bitching that's probably gone too far. I think you should stay right out of it. If you can leave then do, but if not try to stay out of the break room and be busy all the time.

TecknoCow · 09/10/2022 18:09

It's everywhere I think. I'm pretty sure I heard a colleague slag me off about heating up a curry microwave meal in our kitchenette/ communal space and the fact that it stinks, and she used the word "She..." which suggests to me there's already established bitching about me...she didn't realise I was behind her a few steps and thought I'd gone the other way. She's been so lovely but now I think it's all fake.
It's horrible.
It's jealousy.

TecknoCow · 09/10/2022 18:11

There was an open window and the smell would have blown away within a few minutes. I ate it in my space away from them.

Snoredoeurve · 09/10/2022 18:14

Also if someone is off for example, and we're told oh Susan has x illness, I just immediately think oh that's rotten poor Sarah. But everyone else starts eye rolling and doubting them.

Who is telling you why someone is off sick?
Its confidential !
That would be enough to tell me its a toxic workplace tbh

ToooOldForThis · 09/10/2022 19:41

If someone is off they need covered and in a small staff that has a knock on effect for almost everyone, so we do really need to know who's in and who's not!
I don't know why this is bothering me all of a sudden as I'm sure it's always been like this, but you just think ffs why is it so hard to be nice?!

OP posts:
ToooOldForThis · 09/10/2022 19:44

I have been looking for somewhere else but I like most other aspects of the place...I just need to rise above, but I know from experience that when people back away a bit, that gets them talked about too...sigh..

OP posts:
ToooOldForThis · 09/10/2022 19:44

I have been looking for somewhere else but I like most other aspects of the place...I just need to rise above, but I know from experience that when people back away a bit, that gets them talked about too...sigh..

OP posts:
mobear · 09/10/2022 19:44

It’s like this in my workplace. It’s toxic. I don’t believe all workplaces are like this. Luckily I was in a position to quit.

Snoredoeurve · 09/10/2022 20:08

ToooOldForThis · 09/10/2022 19:41

If someone is off they need covered and in a small staff that has a knock on effect for almost everyone, so we do really need to know who's in and who's not!
I don't know why this is bothering me all of a sudden as I'm sure it's always been like this, but you just think ffs why is it so hard to be nice?!

But you have absolutely no need to be told why they are off.
Thats disgusting

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 02/12/2022 14:54

I used to be a teacher. My colleagues were nothing like this. We were all friends, no bitching. If we wanted to moan we’d say it to their face.

l loved my work family.

Renrute · 03/12/2022 15:27

I sympathise. You sound like a caring person.
I'm told Covid has changed people's personalities. Worldwide, there has-been an increase in violence by people not previously affected.
Hope for the best.🙂

Renrute · 03/12/2022 15:30

Had it got worse with Covid?

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