I just want to give up

[RinseBlue]

It's all too hard.
I can't do everthing.
I am tired. I just want to go.
I don't like life. I cannot do it well.

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Is there someone there you can talk to?

@RinseBlue if you need someone to talk to now, please call the Samaritans for free on 116 123 (I know the number looks odd, but this is the right number).

If you haven’t already, please make an appointment with your GP, you sound depressed.

Good luck.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website
or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

Are you alone? Do you have the number for the Samaritans? 116123, they also have a website.
Sometimes when you feel like this, being kind to yourself can be just what you need. Take the pressure off yourself, go to bed, listen to beautiful music. Please stay safe. Things always feel worse at night

The trick is to keep breathing. That's all you have to do. We're all just small animals scuttling around on the planet for a while. Everything else is voluntary.

You don't have to do everything. You don't have to do what you do well all the time. You are allowed to do it badly. Including parenting, work, caring for elderly parents, being a spouse, keeping house, achieving your goals, anything you have been expected to succeed at. All or any of that you are allowed to be bad at. You are allowed to break promises and let people down. Every one does at some point. It's fine. It doesn;t feel fine at the time but long term, it's fine. Life jogs on.

If there is any small thing you can do to make life easier right now to help destress, let yourself do it. What are the main things that are overwhelming you?

Thank you @goldfinchonthelawn you seem to have had an insight into my mind. I have bookmarked your message.

Thank you @UneFilleDeBelleville and @Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight 🌸

It's hard to juggle everything in life and I am worried about money, raising kids properly, health - everything. It's all so precarious and hard as a single parent. I don't think I want or need any practical suggestions because if I can't implement them it makes me feel like an even worse, bad person.

And I am not suicidal in that sense, sorry for worrying anyone. I feel like I want to self sabotage. But I cant commit suicide obviously as I have my children.

@RinseBlue I am glad you came back to us and that you are not suicidal. I hear what you say about not wanting practical suggestions, so I am not going to make any. Sometimes we just need to be listened to. I am glad that goldfinches’ message struck a chord. I hope that you can find a small moment of joy today.

It's not much compensation but almost every one around you is worried about money right now. If you have to get into debt just to maintain a basic standard of living, you won't be alone.

When my DC were very young I went through a rough time. DS2 was very ill and doctors were dismissive. DH lost his job and made no effort to find a new one because it was all so unfair on him. We had very little money. I had clinical depression.

I really simplified life after a while. DC loved spaghetti hoops so they had those for dinner about three times a week with grated cheese, carrot sticks and peas, and banana custard (custard from a tin or carton) for pudding. Covers all main food groups. Cheap, easy and they were happy.

I cleaned the house with cheap baby wipes when I was too exhausted to get out mops and dusters etc. I used Flylady's 5 minute room rescue technique (just tidy or clean a room for 5 minutes then stop. It looks WAY better. Very surprising and motivating.)

The other thing I did was try and add tiny moments of happiness into each day. Play some of your favourite songs from when you were a teen when you wake up or when you cook dinner. Watch some sketches by favourite comedians on Youtube before bed. Chuck breadcrumbs out for the birds and watch them feed while you have a cup of tea. Find a new favourite scent of £1 shower gel and enjoy it. One thing I realised is - it's OK if things that cheer you up only cheer you up in that moment. You are allowed to feel stressed and struggling immediately afterwards. But enjoy the moments of time off. And try and wedge more of them into each day. I used to go for a walk and then feel the dread descend as I got close to home and think, what's the point? - I don't feel any better. But I did during the walk. That was the point.

@RinseBlue Oh honey, you're good, brave and strong. You're doing great, you really are. How old are your children?

I never grew up properly. And i now cant function. Work to improve seems too hard. Im too ashamed. Everything is too hard for me.
Will type more when not crying.

Issues:

• routine with preteens and young teen. We have no routine and I do not know how to implement one or make one stick. They will do chores intermittently and when I ask (dishes away, laundry out, vacuum etc). It can be a lot of effort to get them to do it though. House seems impossible to get on top of.
• food. They are always asking for it. Will only want to eat what they want. DD doesnt eat anything healthy at all. No fruit or veg. Too much sugar and bad food. I feel stressed with thr planning and prepping. Im tired of dishes and cooking every day. Food is so expensive too. They wont comly with helping plan. Or maybe for a day. This is what I mean. I am a bad adult and parent and have created a mess.

• homework and reading is minimal..just on their stupid devices all the time. Its my fault. I know..i dont know how to stop it.
• DS has only 1 club. He is bored. It feels too overwhelming to find any.
• I began doing hobbies (fitness) for MH but then they are alone in evenings. I have to stop but now i am resentful.
• they nver want to do anything..how do i make them.

-my job is poor pay and I dont have confidence to apply for more or sell myself. I just want to curl up in a ball and die.

• i have no money. Living month to month and short each month

I hate myself. I am an awful useless person because even though I know thr answers and had therapy I cannot implement any of the advice. There is too much.

I also havent been to the gym for a week - after going religiously 3 times a week for a year..in my head I want to just quit and give up.

I cant do this.. i cant.

Honestly, you sound as if you are doing really well. With your DC, have you tried posting on the teenagers board? Lots of good advice there from people going through the same stuff. Struggling to get teens to do chores or eat a balanced diet doesn’t mean you’ve failed- it means you are a completely normal mum, in fact a good one because you obviously care.

Is there anyone around who can give you a bit of a break? Keeping up with hobbies and the gym is good for your mental health- if you can find a way to do this it would be beneficial. How old are your DC?

@RinseBlue You are NOT an awful useless person. You are a tired, stressed single Mum of teenagers. If you can manage to go to the gym 3 times a week for a year, you have it in you to survive this difficult stage.

Lower your standards and stop being so hard on yourself. What’s the absolute bare minimum? The kids are alive and haven’t had to go into care. Great, you’re doing a fabulous job there. They are teenagers, they will be lazy and selfish, it’s what teenagers do.

Do what you can to get enough sleep, everything is easier if you have slept. If that means the dishes are dirty because you are going to bed without doing them, so what? The kids might even rinse out a mug if they can’t find a clean one! Look after yourself first. If you have ever been on a plane, they tell you in an emergency to put your own oxygen mask on first before trying to help anyone with their mask. If you can’t get to the gym, try some free online workouts or yoga at home.

Good luck op.

You’re so overloaded, it’s only natural to feel overwhelmed.

You're not failing, you are managing a lot of things. Three kids is a massive responsibility.

You work - you can find a new job in the future when you feel up to it. Put a pin in that for now.

Go back for a quick gym session when you feel up to it and not before. You know you can do it - this is just a tough phase.

You are carrying so much, actually you should feel so proud of your strength

UnMN hug for you.

This is a great post

OP you are being WAY too hard on yourself. You sound depressed to me. I say that because I have felt exactly as you feel, almost word for word, and I was depressed at the time.

I think it could helpto go to the GP and explain how you feel. The right medicationm might give you the lift you need.

If not, try the 5-minute rule.

You can do anything for five minutes, so only do things that take 5 minutes.

• Quick cook pasta and a jar of sauce - 5 minutes dinner.

• Or chicken pieces in a roasting pan with baby potatoes and chopped carrots, a sprinkling of herbs or spice and 1/2 cup of water - takes 45 mins to cook but only 5 mins to prep.

• Fish fingers, oven chips and peas - 5 mins prep.

Look up 5 minute HIIT and 5 minute yoga stretches on You tube. Do those for now.

Use Flylady 5 minute room rescue. Hang up coats and bags, pair shoes, fluff cushions. Or empty the bin and wipe the kitchen surfaces. Get DC to help.

Chat with your DC. Tell them you;'e been thinking life would be easier and less stressful for every one if you had some routines. Ask what they think would make a good routine. They might have great ideas. You really don't have to be the boss of everything and everyone all the time. That is a really recent, rubbish trend in parenting and I fell into its trap. It is way better to get them to be self-reliant. Help them create and stick to their own routines: sorting their bags out for school next day before they watch TV. Choosing food from each food group: 5 a day; protein, complex carbs etc. Youy could have a family Lazy Day once a week where you eat ceral and stay in PJs. But the rest of the time, encourage them to take care of themselves.

Op I hear you. Lone parenting is the toughest journey.

it’s having everything on your shoulders that’s so hard.

come to the lone parents board here too. We get it and you can share your burdens with us. Many of us have been where you are, and still have those days too.

right now, just breathe. Nothing else. Your kids are alive and functioning. They are dry and warm. They have a home and a parent around. You are doing fine.

@goldfinchonthelawn you give great advice.
I hope @RinseBlue thinks so too.