anxious about a work meeting - any tips appreciated

[CanIBeBoudicca]

Hey, I've NC for this.

I work for a public sector organisation. I have a long awaited meeting on Monday with another organisation, where there have been disagreements between us about how to proceed about a particular matter. In Mondays meeting will be me, my manager, 2 members of their team (inc them) and their manager.

In previous meetings Ive found them to be very subtly condescending towards me. They also have form for not replying to emails or calls about the matter.

I am feeling really anxious about this meeting now, I feel almost like Im going into battle, as ridiculous at that sounds. Im worried that because i feel this way, i wont articulate myself well, or argue my point effectively, and I tend to stumble when i feel critisized. im scared i will be humiliated although im not sure why, maybe I'm catastrophising.

anyone have any tips or tricks that will help me stay grounded, calm and assertive? none of these traits are my natural characteristics!

TIA

You have my sympathy. I hate things like this.

Stick to facts, don't take anything personally and try not let emotions get in the way of things.

If all else fails, picture them naked ;)

You have my sympathy too - I'm not dealing well with similar situations at the moment.

One good thing is that your manager will be there. So if the others say something that you struggle to reply to, at least your manager will be able to reply and back up your case.

I find it helpful to have a time line of events. Preparing it helps me remember things I can then refer to it during the meeting.

Reframe it. That nervous feeling is your body preparing you to face a challenge - it means you're ready and capable to take this on.

Prepare appropriately and harness the power of your nervous energy instead of trying to squash it.

Have in your mind a clear outcome of what you want the meeting to achieve.

Is there time to have a pre-meeting with the people from your side to agree on a preferred outcome and you can all go in as a team?

You need to be going in as a united front. If your manager is there, I would expect them to step in if you're being spoken down to and it might be worth having this discussion with manager before the meeting so you can outline your own expectations.

I find difficult conversations easier if at the beginning I say something like "I understand this is a conflicting issue however I believe we are all here to find an outcome that benefits us all".

thank you all, it really helps just to know Im not alone!

ha yes picturing them naked! helps to remember we're all just humans hey and they are not dominant or above me (theyre not either, in terms of roles/positions we are equal, though they probably have more work experience than me overall)

Its hard isnt it, as the truth is i am having a strong emo reaction about it.. there are vulnerable people who are being delayed in getting a service because of their heel dragging, and Im annoyed and angry at them for it. i need to take my feelings out of it like you say, and focus on what i believe needs to happen.

urgh, work!!

Breathe and speak slowly. Don't be afraid of silence, in fact it will put them on edge.

i like that about reframing the nervous energy too - helps cos its not going anywhere!

i think i am just so frustrated by the situation and it feels really important to me to be able to articulate myself well and be understood. maybe i need to let go of that, as it feels like pressure. i cant control if they get me, kind of thing..

I’d be going over some role-playing today. Writing down each point I want to raise, and in which order - and then any (and every) counter-point they could possibly make. If you thoroughly explore anything that they can possibly say, then nothing they do say is going to surprise you: you’ll be ready for it.

thank you, yes good idea Im going to do that, thank you all