So sick and tired of this

[Tinkleplonk]

I'm 35. I've had anxiety my entire life. Literally I cannot remember a time when I wasn't anxious. I have tried ALL types of therapy extensively including CBT, exercise, ALL possible medications, art, music, literally anything you can think of I've tried. I've had investigations for medical causes. Zip, nothing. It's ruining my life. I catastrophise absolutely everything and have intrusive thoughts.

An example just from the last ten minutes, DH accidentally drove through a bus lane. Immediately my thought is the fine won't reach us, we'll get a CCJ, we won't be able to get a mortgage when we buy a house. The other night my DM mentioned he felt a bit queasy after dinner, I immediately jumped to stomach cancer. I have a minor back ache, it must be a spinal tumour. I'm lying in bed and suddenly picture that DS has died in his sleep. I'm walking down the street and I picture a car mounting the pavement and hitting us. In a crowded shopping centre I picture a terrorist attack.

I haven't got on a plane for 7 years because of this and I'm increasingly finding it difficult to get in the car now too. It can't go on but I feel I've tried everything. I'm just in despair. Why am I like this?

My Dad is a bit like this. He won't sit in the house at night with the curtains open, in case someone shoots him. He has various weapons secreted all over the flat. He has never been attacked, and he has never had anyone break in. As a result of this, I can also catastrophise a bit. What I do, is to ask myself "when did that last actually happen though?", and when the answer is never, it makes me realise how silly I'm being. And then I put it out of my mind.

So, for example, when did you last get fined for using a bus lane, which didn't arrive, which meant you got a CCJ, and then couldn't get a mortgage? When did that last happen to anyone you know? The answer is never. So, statistically the chances of that happening are almost zero.

How many people do you know, that have stomach cancer?

How many people do you know with a spinal tumour?

When were you last at the centre of a terrorist attack?

How many plane crashes have you been in?

You are now not really living your life, based on things that could happen, but in reality hardly ever do.

When you next have an anxious thought, ask yourself how many times this has previously happened in your life time. If the answer is never, you are safe to proceed.

I think accept the anxiety (for now?!). Don't berate yourself feeling this anxiety. It's some sort of maladaptive survival strategy perhaps so it was your way of protecting yourself. You've made it this far! So the anxiety worked in that regard. So don't shame yourself for feeling so much anxiety. But have faith in yourself. When things go wrong, have you sorted them out and dealt with them?

What medication, or medication combinations, have you tried?

Have you had any deeper therapy (not CBT)?

Have you tried a committed, daily guided meditation practice (a practical one, e.g. Headspace)?

Do you drink alcohol?

What medication, or medication combinations, have you tried? Any and all you can think of. Citalopram, sertraline, fluoxetine, duoloxetine. Diazepam and other opiods when it's been really awful. Others.

Have you had any deeper therapy (not CBT)? Yes, loads, with different therapists.

Have you tried a committed, daily guided meditation practice (a practical one, e.g. Headspace)? yes

Do you drink alcohol? No, I'm completely teetotal.