Anyone awake to listen to me?

[procedmetolikejim]

I think people can read my thoughts. I know it isn't possible. Humans can't do that. It's fictional, and doesn't exist. But -

As I type this, I have a strong belief that someone knows who I am in real life for example by me just writing this post

I feel whenever I walk into a shop that everyone knows what I'm thinking. It feels like they know exactly what's on my mind but they themselves don't know that they know this, that it's a natural ability for everyone to see straight through me but the general public aren't surprised at this or their ability to read me, as it's just ingrained and natural for them

I know it can't be true. I'm a clever woman, I know this is in my head. But every ounce of my rationale screams at me that it is true. That people can do this

My general sense of what's real and what isn't is quite good - I know I'm unwell. But my overall instinct is telling me this is real

I constantly hear my name being called and I don't recognise my name in that voice - it isn't anyone I know. I am aware it's a hallucination but it sounds just like anyone else in real life calling me. It's beyond unsettling

I left a VM with GP practice. I hope they call back on Monday

Please someone tell me it's okay? I haven't lost the plot entirely?

It feels like the government are watching me because I'm strange. And they don't know why they're watching me, they can't be sure - but something about me is unnatural and they want to know why

I know this can't be real. I know I know

But it feels so real.

I have never been a socially anxious person. I'm quite the extrovert usually (I like my personal space a lot and time alone but enjoy company). These feelings of being watched and read feel a lot like social anxiety - as a young teen I remember walking into An assembly - if feels a bit like that, all eyes on me, when the reality is that it isn't true

But it feels too true. I can't ignore it.

My son passed away in June. My daughter 18 months before that. My son was very unwell at birth. I believe these are triggers to this erratic thinking

H is being so cruel to me and thinks I just need to get out more and get on with it but I cannot. Nobody suspects I'm unwell I don't think?

It's funny because I feel the general public can read me and know I'm not natural, but my own family are oblivious to this? They don suspect a thing anyway and don't know I'm unwell. I don't think they're out to judge my movements, maybe it's because they're related to me

Please someone tell me it's okay and it won't last? I'm not mad am I?

I have a DS. What if they take him from me for thinking this way? What if they know I'm unwell but can't prosecute me for anything unless I admit if, and me seeking mental health support is me admiring it?

I can tell you that none of it is true but I doubt that will help. It sounds like you've had an extremely rough couple of years and your mental health is suffering badly. It will get better but only if you get some help.
They won't take your child from you for having poor mental health after loosing 2 children, that's just not how it works. As long as DS is safe and well cared for and you have support from your husband and family to look after him whilst you recover, there is no reason anyone would even consider removing him.
Make sure you tell your GP everything you've written here.

@procedmetolikejim oh bless you, what an absolutely awful time you've had. I wouldn't be in the slightest bit surprised if trauma has triggered this response.

It's good that you have the insight to recognise that your feelings aren't actually true. Like @maryberryslayers says, you need to tell your GP everything - are they open tomorrow for an emergency appointment? Have your symptoms/feelings of discomfort gotten much worse quickly or do they seem quite stable? If you feel you are going downhill, perhaps ring 111 as I think you might need to be seen more quickly than Monday.

Your DH can look after your DS if necessary while you have treatment so don't worry. Many women go through psychosis, either due to pregnancy, post-natal, trauma, menopause/hormonal or something else, and they make a full recovery. The most important thing is being completely truthful with your doctor so they can treat you properly.

Take care.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this procedmetolikejim. It seems as if your mental health has deteriorated because of the trauma you have suffered. If you feel able, lease call 111 to get some advice on what to do out of hours.

You're son won't be taken away from you. As previous poster said, that's not how things work and Drs and mental health professionals will be so understanding and want to get help you get back on your feet as soon as possible. There is so much help out there as long as you tell a medical professional/gp how you feel.

You're son won't be taken away

As long as DS is safe and well cared for and you have support from your husband and family to look after him whilst you recover, there is no reason anyone would even consider removing him.

But that's just it, I don't have support from family (they can't cope with DS), or my husband - we need to separate permanently but I'm not mentally well enough to do so right now and need any scrappings of support I can get

My DS has special needs, complex ones, and family and friends just can't even have him for a few hours.

He is safe. Loved beyond measure. Full belly, clean and well presented. In special school, going swimming etc. he's got absolutely everything as normal despite me being unwell but I'm scared they will take him from me because I don't have any practical support

I'm scared they will view me as unfit to keep him with me at home due to these delusions. Because even though I'm a good mum, I'm a bloody good mum I swear. He is my absolutely everything and comes before anything and everyone - I have no support so won't they question if I can continue to care for him?

I'm so scared. My son is my world. He cannot be taken from me. I'm worried to voice that too, as they might think 'well why would she think that?'

But I'm just wondering what their rationale will be if they discover I'm seriously mentally unwell but I'm caring single handedly for a disabled child?

My H can't cope with his needs for longer than a few hours, and refuses to ever get up with him etc.

I know I need to leave the bastard but please, I'm very vulnerable right now - I can't have the logistics of it all.

He isn't a bad person. He just isn't a good dad, to a child with disabilities, he can't cope and has never seemed to seek any external support (his downfall), and there's only so much support I can offer him

Apologies, I seem to have repeated the last line in my message. Your GP/health professional will work with you and your husband to work out a plan. You don't need to worry about the logistics but do need to tell 111/your GP how you feel.

Sorry to hear that you're struggling OP but as others have said you've had a really tough time and it is good that you have some insight into how you feel and have been able to reach out to your GP.

Do you have any agencies supporting you with your son? Support would be the top of the list for professionals rather than trying to take him away from you.

Take care 💐

Hi OP.
It sounds like you have good insight, you are experiencing these things but know rationally that they aren't real. That is a big help, and something to make clear to your GP or whoever you speak to.

There may well be some medication you can take that will stop the experiences. Maybe there is other helpful support out there too. It sounds like you've been through a lot and life is asking a lot of you, so I would look for the professional help now while you have that insight and capacity to make your own decisions.

Sorry hit post before firming up what I wanted to say. Best wishes OP, you sound like a great devoted mum going through some tricky times, I don't think you have anything to fear about asking for help.

Thank you for the supportive responses

Managed to have a little sleep due to these replies. Thank you again