Panicky waiting to speak to GP

[tomissmymum]

Have had horrendous anxiety last few months, mainly due to situation with my mum (dx of early onset dementia) . GP/MH have said they think it’s probably more ptsd than anxiety - am having flashbacks/re-experiencing things a lot just now .

Worst symptom is my mind doesn’t feel ‘right’ - as if im watching things from a distance . Keep losing segments of time and then ‘come back’ and remember everything that’s happened this year and start panicking again . Mind is on the go constantly but feels disorganised if that makes sense . Weirdest feeling last night that my head felt split in two as if there was two separate thoughts happening at once .

didn’t sleep last night until 3.30, as trying to sleep in that stage was nigh on impossible, got woken up by duty CPN ringing at 5am (meant to have rang in early evening) who I remember apologising for phoning and told me to go back to sleep . Woke up again at 10 still feeling very strange and off the planet - have since thrown up, pounding headache and shivery .

My GP is supposedly ringing me at 3 but I’m in a bit of a panic which is making everything worse I’m sure .

I spent years listening to people tell my mother her problems all came about through trauma and subsequent dissociation . She’s spent 35 years in and out of psychiatry, sectioning, suicide attempts and she’s now dying of dementia before she’s 60, I am terrified I’m going the same way .

You poor thing, it does sound as though you're dissociating. Please don't panic, many people experience these things and don't develop early onset dementia or severe mental illness. It's not surprising that you're in a lot of distress due to what you've been going through.

Are you on any medication? Do you see anyone to talk to about these difficulties?

I’m on anti depressants and propranolol - tbh the latter makes me feel worse as it lowers my blood pressure which comes with it’s own list of weird feelings .

I’ve had dissociation before, but was given diazepam and it was alleviated within 48 hours or so - current GP said not happy about giving out diazepam unless it’s extreme but feel like I need something to reset my brain .

I’ve got underlying OCD as well which o think has latched onto how I’m feeling - if that makes sense - stuck in a bit of a cycle/feedback loop of things .

It’s the most horrible feeling, I was meant to be going out today to see a friend which probably would have helped but can’t bear to leave the house .

Re seeing anyone - not at the moment no, had counselling that finished in June via NHS and they’ve helpfully said I need six months ‘consolidation period’ before they’d consider seeing me again . I’m on two other waiting lists - one said they hope to get
me seen before Christmas, the other won’t be for a v v long time (for EMDR) .

Perhaps you need a medication review. Could you arrange this?

Spot on - spoke to my GP who’s starting me on venflaxine and zopiclone . Will need to come off the mirtazapine but that’s doable she thinks if it’s done slowly . Meantime she said if dissociation gets worse just to go to A&E and see if they can get liaison psych to see me, or can ring 111 to ask for duty CPN to call me .

Been exactly the same today. GP did say she was half wondering if there wasn’t something physical eg something neurological happening . I got checked over at A&E used day though after a very intense episode and they said all OK so not very sure . I wish I could describe properly what it feels like . Ok the plus side I have got counselling starting next week so that’s good .

‘Used day’ should be last week!