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Original poster

Angry colleague

27 replies

Bunnybunny1 · 05/10/2022 20:58

I teach in a school and have a teaching assistant who gets very angry throughout the course of the day. Every day.
I am starting to feel myself shrinking, walking on eggshells and generally feeling almost scared of her outbursts.
She is mainly lovely, just overwhelmed by insomnia and often apologises to me after an angry week but it’s just making me feel so uncomfortable.
She is very impatient with the children, quite questioning and critical of my decisions, complains, sighs, speaks very sharply to the children for the smallest things. I feel that the smallest tasks overwhelm her.
She interrupts my lessons to address my class, distracting them. It’s so tense. I can’t bear it when she’s like this.
what should I do?

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 05/10/2022 21:26

She’s not lovely at all from what you’ve written. Her behaviour in your classroom is unacceptable, and apologising at the end of the week doesn’t fix it. TBH it sounds like she’s in the wrong job. I bet the kids don’t like her.
This is a performance issue IMO and if you’re not the right person to talk to her, I’d alert the person who is.

PreferAnimals · 05/10/2022 21:36

It's called self control.

Houseplantmad · 05/10/2022 21:52

Speak to your line manager and get her moved. She’s not assisting you and. It benefiting the students at all if that is how she is behaving.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/10/2022 21:54

What a horrible environment for children to be in. If you’re this upset imagine how they’re feeling!

lottiegarbanzo · 05/10/2022 21:57

Who is her manager? They need to do their job.

UnityO · 05/10/2022 22:03

She's not performing her job to the required standard. Far from it.

It is impacting on the children and on you.

Whoever her manager is needs to start the process that your school uses to manage poor performance at work.

ILoveMonday · 05/10/2022 22:03

Have you asked her what's going on?

Before reporting to the line manager maybe try having an open dialogue with her yourself, outline the issues and ask her how you can help her to improve. Please don't do it in front of the children though.

ILoveMonday · 05/10/2022 22:04

Just saying this because I know a teacher who did this. It didn't end well.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/10/2022 22:08

Don't feel sorry for her. Don't imagine yourself to be her counsellor. You can't afford to and you're not. This isn't about how you feel, or she feels. It isn't up to you to decide that what she's doing is ok, or accommodate it. This is about her ability to do her job, or not.

Hand over the issue, professionally, to the person responsible for dealing with it.

EllaB22 · 05/10/2022 22:09

I would ask SLT or SENCO to come and observe some afternoon. Hopefully they will share your concerns and you can plan from there.

If this is what you are feeling in the room imagine how your class feel. Some may come from eggshells at home and your room should be their safe space. You need to address it ASAP (which I know is not easy).

PollyCreo · 05/10/2022 22:12

What should you do? Tell her to buck her ideas up or she's getting fired. Piss-taking bitch.

autienotnaughty · 05/10/2022 22:16

If you don't feel you can address it you need to go to her line manager. Be factual and state what's happening but she sounds rude and it also sounds like you let her get away with this behaviour.

EnidSpyton · 05/10/2022 22:44

Insomnia turns you into an awful person. I've been there and I feel your TA's pain.

However I'm a teacher and no matter how knackered or otherwise shit I'm feeling, the minute I walk into the classroom, I am performing the role of a well rested, endlessly patient and kind human being, because that is what I am paid to do and that is what my pupils deserve.

She has to learn to control her behaviour, not excuse it. Children in your classroom need to feel safe and secure around the adults looking after them, not afraid of being shouted or snapped at. You are actually being negligent in your duty by not doing anything to protect the children in your care from being in this negative environment.

I appreciate it's hard when it's a colleague and you're friends, but you have to be professional about this and go through the proper channels to challenge her behaviour. I'd have a chat with her first and make it clear how badly her behaviour is affecting you and the pupils - give her a chance to really understand the severity of her behaviour and to make positive changes. If that doesn't work within a reasonable timeframe, then you need to escalate to her line manager. If she has severe, chronic insomnia that is affecting her ability to function in her role then this may actually be an OH issue. By reporting this upwards you can get her the support she needs.

EnidSpyton · 05/10/2022 22:50

I will also add that I had a teacher like this at primary school.

We never knew what mood he would be in from one day to the next and he terrified us. I loved school, but that year, he made it a horrible place to be. I used to cry myself to sleep, full of dread at what I might have to face the next day. Every morning I would feel sick to my stomach. He was a real Jekyll and Hyde - lovely one minute, frothing at the mouth over some tiny misdemeanour the next - - and I am actually angry now that I'm a teacher myself that no other staff member in that school stepped up and did anything to protect us from him. They must have heard him shouting at us. He wasn't fit to teach.

Some of the children in your classroom might be feeling like I used to because of your TA. You really can't let it continue.

Original poster
Bunnybunny1 · 06/10/2022 03:04

Thank you. I did speak with my line manager and they said that it sounds as though she’s very overwhelmed and that they’ll have a think on what to do.
I just can’t put up with it anymore.

OP posts:
KendrickLamaze · 06/10/2022 03:19

Next time she apologises, be frank. You would rather she controlled her behaviour throughout the week than give an apology that has lost its impact after the event and no longer appears genuine.

Line manager sounds ineffectual.

ClaryFairchild · 06/10/2022 03:30

And if that is how YOU, a grown woman, feels, how do you think the children feel?

You are not protecting your students if you just keep allowing his to happen without addressing it with her.

Elfsumflowerpig · 06/10/2022 04:07

EnidSpyton · 05/10/2022 22:50

I will also add that I had a teacher like this at primary school.

We never knew what mood he would be in from one day to the next and he terrified us. I loved school, but that year, he made it a horrible place to be. I used to cry myself to sleep, full of dread at what I might have to face the next day. Every morning I would feel sick to my stomach. He was a real Jekyll and Hyde - lovely one minute, frothing at the mouth over some tiny misdemeanour the next - - and I am actually angry now that I'm a teacher myself that no other staff member in that school stepped up and did anything to protect us from him. They must have heard him shouting at us. He wasn't fit to teach.

Some of the children in your classroom might be feeling like I used to because of your TA. You really can't let it continue.

This also happened to me. I later learned our teacher was an alcoholic and was dealing with some personal issues.
As a child it really affected me and really stopped my love of learning. I went from getting top marks to really sinking fast. I just shut down in that kind of environment.

I know it's hard, but please use your voice to protect the children from someone like this. She needs to rethink her chosen career.

Shoxfordian · 06/10/2022 06:00

Speak to your manager again and make sure you note down every incident when it happens

monkeyupsidedown · 06/10/2022 06:06

Those poor children, you have to protect them from this. Learning should happen in a calm and positive environment.

Can you speak to her about the issues and say that if she ever talks over you or is angry you will tell her to bring some thing to wherever and she them must step out of the classroom and take a breather till she's normal again?

Noteverybodylives · 06/10/2022 06:24

Is there any way to move the TAs around a bit so she gets a teacher who won’t put up with her?

She needs to be told.

The like manager needs to tell her that although they sympathise, she either needs to changer her attitude or get a new job.

1AngelicFruitCake · 06/10/2022 06:33

Im not meaning to sound harsh (and I get it, Im a teacher and I hate confrontation) but this sounds like a problem because of how it makes you feel, how you’re struggling when your main concern should be the children. You can see it happening and you’re not protecting them! They might be dreading school or worrying at home and you’re allowing this to continue. You need to act today and do something, speak to her or someone above you.

Inkanta · 06/10/2022 09:03

Yes she's in the wrong job - an office job might suit her better away from children.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 06/10/2022 09:05

If you feel yourself shrinking and walking on eggshells, then the children must be terrified.

EllaB22 · 06/10/2022 11:53

Email your LM for update - ensure it is in writing. This really cannot wait!