The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some recent winning entries:
- Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
- Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
- Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you
- Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
- Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
- Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
The Post also invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some of those winners:
- Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid (e.g.: "I'm a doctor...")
- Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)
- Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
- Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole