If you built your life back up from nothing...

[ArtOfTheImpossible]

If you built your life back up from nothing or very little, how did you do it and what success do you have now?

For context, I'm early 40s. Had a reasonably traumatising childhood/teens, took that and made life worse or missed opportunities in my 20s through making poor choices. Did ok in work terms so developed a professional career, but my personal life a mess. Got pregnant in 30s - rape, ended up alone and spent another ten years or so holding everyone at arms length or pushing away. Moved areas, out of a city to somewhere quieter, bit boring but good for children. So my family was crap and I've not built much since. I work, I look after my child alone. Because of this I can't just pop out to meet people. I don't greatly enjoy spending time with other parents or the ones I know are very family focused and not seeming to want to be new friends, or maybe it's me.

If you've been in any similar situation, and come back from it and built a life. How did you do it. What specifically did you do, if you developed social connections and some kind of network of friends and/or hobbies, interests in your 40s. I know a babysitter much be part of the equation for me, it's not like i share custody so i can't use 'days off' like the single parents i know, to do things for me. Just interested to know whether anyone has managed to build a life from scratch, despite the obstacles.

I moved house. It’s the oddest thing. There was nothing wrong with the last house, but this one just has lovely neighbours, who make an effort and know it’s just me, and understand it’s a bit harder for me to host or organise things.

I tried so hard with other families at DDs school, for both our sakes, but people were so busy with family. They had two whole levels of family we don’t. It’s just me and DD so there’s no nuclear family time (which everyone else is busy with at weekends) and my parents live abroad, I’m widowed and have no siblings. We have cousins and aunts and so on, but they are the next ring out. It’s very isolating. I’ve found it really hard. DD found it really hard.

it is better now DD is a bit older. She’s twelve and can be left for an evening if I’m just next door, or goes out and stays with her own friends instead. We don’t have to socialise with family that has adults I get on with AND kids that she can play with, which is is more variables to meet. I think the only thing you can do is keep trying. Your people are out there, and you’ll find them one day.