I'm on the list for urgent surgery and have just been given the date.
I really, really don't think I want it.
It's due to an ex breaking my tibia, nearly 33 years ago. It was discovered earlier this year that it never healed properly and is bent and my knees and hips are out of alignment.
Since then I've been diagnosed with ankle arthritis (6 years ago) and further investigation has revealed it has damaged my ankle significantly, caused severe talonavicular arthritis.
The treatment would be ideally to fuse both the ankle joint and talonavicular joint, but the surgeon is unwilling due to my age.
Instead they want to fuse my talonavicular, break my leg and put rods in it to straighten it.
There is no guarantee this will work, as the ankle is so destroyed, but the surgeon wants to see what happens.
I've managed OKish. The pain wasn't too bad until three years ago, when I was suddenly unable to walk after a steroid injection in the ankle. Since then I've lost a lot of mobility in the ankle and walking is difficult. Pain-wise, I've become accustomed to it.
I'm terrified though, really, really scared.
I've put on a lot of weight since being more immobile, so there's a danger of surgery. I will have to be in a cast for a long time, I have a 12 year old and I'm not sure how doable that is.
More though, I have to a blood match three days before, as my pre-op showed I have a lot of odd antibodies in my blood (and I'm AB+ so shouldn't have been an issue). When I last had surgery - when giving birth to my youngest daughter, who died - the surgery went wrong and they couldn't stop the bleeding. I have flashbacks to that all the time. Then my brother went into hospital and died two years ago, then my dad last year...I'm just not ready.