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Original poster

My brain is not working now I’m a SAHM

28 replies

Aseagullatemybaby · 03/10/2022 11:56

I love dancing, used to be a confident dancer, I had great rhythm and a good ability to pick up dance routines quickly and even performed on stage in my early-late teens.

Now I’m in my early 30s and in the last 5 years I’ve had 3 DC, put on 7 stone and can hardly retain any information at all!

I can’t retain knowledge, I’m trying to lose the weight and it’s coming off slowly but surely (3st down), however I get bored of exercise so I’ve decided to learn new dance routines from YouTube tutorials for exercise to make it fun, however, I can’t follow the dance routines, not even simple children’s ones, my body and brain just won’t engage or take on any new information, I have zero coordination, it’s bizarre! I used to play a bit of piano and guitar, but couldn’t play a tune now. How can something that came so naturally be impossible now?!

Im a SAHM and around children 24/7, are they killing my brain cells?!

OP posts:
SlashBeef · 03/10/2022 11:57

Oh same! I was very good at piano. Can't even read music now 🙄

clowerina · 03/10/2022 11:58

how old are your kids OP? I have found now that my DC is a bit older (8) I feel much better and less chaotic. Remember your memory etc is being taken up with the million daily tasks for child rearing. So no wonder you're forgetting other stuff. It's tough. My memory is still a bit crap I think because I have so much responsibility. I have found things like meditation good, easier said than done though to find time around young kids. I think you'll do a bit better when they're older etc.

InDubiousBattle · 03/10/2022 12:01

I didn't notice anything like that from being a SAHM. There were obviously aspects of my job that I became rusty at but nothing to do with hobbies and the like.

FourTeaFallOut · 03/10/2022 12:02

How old is your youngest?

FourTeaFallOut · 03/10/2022 12:03

And how well do they sleep?

UsernameIsCopied · 03/10/2022 12:04

I'm not a SAHM but have 3 young DC and my brain seems to have aged decades over the last 5 years or so. I have so much trouble learning new stuff! I keep telling myself it's the stress and lack of sleep and hope it'll improve once the DC are older.

Original poster
Aseagullatemybaby · 03/10/2022 12:05

DC are 5, 2 & 9mo 😥

2 of the DC still on the breast, 9mo is up around 5-8 times a night (on a good night) 😬

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 03/10/2022 12:07

Yeah, I mean, I could have guessed. You don't have a sahm problem, you have a sleep deprivation problem.

Filleto · 03/10/2022 12:09

Yes. I used to be fluent in another language. A few years of being a sahm coupled with extreme sleep deprivation and I couldn’t even remember gcse level stuff. I think it was the lack of sleep and just having two toddlers constantly in my ear rather than the SAHMing itself though…

Squashpocket · 03/10/2022 12:21

Yes sounds like sleep deprivation more than some kind of ' mum-brain'. Having said that when I went back to work after having more or less 5 years off to having babies, I had forgotten how to use a fucking computer to my shame. And I had no idea I had forgotten until I sat down at my computer on the first day. Jesus wept. I did regain the use of my brain thankfully.

During covid lockdowns I definitely experienced some degree of burnout being at home with the kids all day every day, doing home school etc. I'm only just getting over it now, so it's taken most of 2 years to recover from. That surprised me.

Maybe we underestimate the effect of having children. I didn't feel normal for best part of a decade really, until my youngest started school.

DarkShade · 03/10/2022 12:28

It's the lack of sleep. Happened to me as well. I have a job that needs sharp thinking and it's just gone. I think I will have to change jobs. Hopefully once they are bigger you can practice and regain!

Infuriatingly, DP is of the opinion that I am lazy and inventing excuses not to work!!

sheepandcaravan · 03/10/2022 12:43

Same, was a court solicitor, high conflict family law.

Partner level.

Was clearing out home office at weekend and looking at partnership minutes and thinking it was in a language I cannot read.

Now I'm at home, on the farm, various odd jobs, but brain is no longer working. I also blame the sleep.

MolliciousIntent · 03/10/2022 12:46

This happened to me. Brain came back when I went back to work - before that point I just wasn't really using it!

stormelf · 03/10/2022 12:55

I'm a sahm and have very similar age chn (4, 2 and 9 month) and could've written this. Although I've never been a good dancer (so uncoordinated) but I used to be good with words and written language. The other day I was talking to DH and spent half hour trying to think of the word develop. I definitely put it down to sleep deprivation.

Mardyface · 03/10/2022 12:58

I was always very clever and felt the same as you as a SAHM OP. Then I started a Masters and when I had actual allotted time to think and work in a wonderful quiet library I realised I could actually think and concentrate. It wasn't me, it was the way that always being on emergency stations, as you are as a SAHM, scatters your mind. It comes back though.

Original poster
Aseagullatemybaby · 03/10/2022 12:59

Ok.. so it’s lack of sleep and when baby is finally sleeping through I’ll be Darcy Bussell in no time!!! Phew!!

Glad to know I’m not the only one, I thought I was losing my mind! My DH thinks it’s bizarre! I agree, it’s absolutely bizarre that I lose that much sleep I can’t function yet he gets to sleep like a dream and remembers the whole dance routine to Take That’s pray yet shares the same bedroom with me and said sleep thief 🙄

OP posts:
Flyingagain · 03/10/2022 13:14

It something to do with not getting enough rem sleep, it seriously messes with your mind. Worth listening to the episodes on sleep on "feel better live more" podcast.

It does come back, trust me. I was a sahm for years and now I'm doing great in a new and intellectually stimulating job. Still rubbish at dancing though!

PaperPalace · 03/10/2022 13:19

In my case I love reading, but when my DC were tiny (I was a SAHM with 3 under 4) I couldn't concentrate on anything more complicated than a magazine! I got back into reading serious books when my youngest turned 3yo.

Bunnycat101 · 03/10/2022 14:42

Lack of sleep does bad things to you. I think I only managed at work because of the ridiculous levels of caffeine I had while mine were very little. If your youngest is still only 9m you’re very much in the thick of it.

Pinktrews77 · 03/10/2022 14:48

Some of it could be after effects of Covid, or the vaccs or whatever, maybe?

And I think some of it is that, pre-dc, we only had one person to think about and organise and now all of that purpose and energy is diverted, in your case, three ways. Add on thinking about a husband or partner and a house and it's scattered even more. I think the brain only has the capacity to prioritise a few things at once!

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 03/10/2022 14:54

Oh good, an 'are SAHMS brain dead?' thread.
I'm a SAHM currently but my brain can still work out that the changes you're experiencing could also be due to age, tiredness, becoming a parent and priorities changing, or just not having done that job/activity for a while. Or being bored and depressed, whatever your occupation is, could also lead to impaired cognition.

YumYummy · 03/10/2022 14:59

I agree it’s lack of sleep, I remember my DM asking me to help with her CV when one of my DC was a baby and I just couldn’t do it where as usually I’m good at things like that.

MolliciousIntent · 03/10/2022 15:47

I don't know if it's necessarily sleep deprivation. I found that being at home all day with kids really slowed my brain down - I just wasn't thinking enough! Obviously taking care of small kids is very hard work but it isn't thought-provoking in any way. When I went back to work I was still just as sleep deprived as I'd been while staying at home, but my brain worked much better.

FourTeaFallOut · 03/10/2022 15:49

She's getting up eight times a night - you can't fix that shit by taking yourself off to work.

EgonSpengler2020 · 03/10/2022 15:52

I'm a paramedic and definitely felt like this, not helped by COVID kicking in when DD was just 2 and the information overload that came with that (policy changes mid shift!!).

I really doubted myself, but one thing I've consistently found is that when the shit hits the fan and the adrenaline kicks in, the knowledge and skills are all still there, accessible and correct.

Just give yourself time and keep the faith.