ADD symptoms in 12 year old

[Belladonnamama]

Currently waiting for an assessment for my DD12. She has started secondary school and myself and DH have noticed her struggling. We need to help with her homework but it's a nightmare trying to get her to sit down and do it . She has no concentration and is easily distracted. For the last two years in primary she was receiving help with her maths. I also got her private tutoring for another subject. We don't like in the UK so different exams but the standardised tests she did she scored below average in English and well below average in Maths.

Never have a problem with her behaviour in school. Always polite and kind. She loves school. Her behaviour at home can be exhausting. Will never do anything when she is asked,its always when she wants to do it. Can be very defiant. I feel like I'm always nagging her and telling her to stop doing something or stop tormenting her brother.

She plays soccer at a very high level but again she is never fully switched on and it can take her a while to actually get into a game.

She told me she daydreams in school

Does this this sound like ADD? How can I help her if it is.

Are you going private?

if not, what’s the wait time?

Not going private. Wait time could be 6 months.

Oh yes that definitely sounds like ADHD. My daughter is officially diagnosed. Google the DSM checklists for ADHD and see how that relates to her. There is an inattentive and impulsive type.

Thanks for replying. How old was your daughter when she was diagnosed? Yes my DD is impulsive.

What happens after diagnosis?

Any tips for helping things at home?

My daughter has inattentive adhd (previously called add) and autism. She managed to get places at quite prestigious schools so seemed to be able to do well under pressure but got bored / distracted easily in general lessons. Primary school suited her as the pace was quite slow, the teacher would explain something, she’d understand immediately and then zone out and do some work - enough work to not stand out but not really meeting her potential. In secondary she struggles with the pace as she literally struggles to focus for the full hour of the lessons.

Other signs

• hyper focused on certain interests although this could be the asd
• disorganisation. She would leave homework at home, forget to do it, not remember instructions by teachers (‘bring your harvest festival food in tomorrow’), lose things
• she didn’t seem to read written instructions so struggles with recipes and I’ve seen her do homework completely wrong because she misread it. She actually can generally follow instructions that are pictures so enjoys helping me with flatpack furniture. She made a gaming chair by herself but missed a non essential part in about the third picture so had to reassemble it just to get that on
• at home I have to break tasks down for her
• im not sure if this is add rather than asd but she needs to doodle to concentrate and we had years of teachers telling her for this.
• she can be defiant at home and school. Her sister has pathological demand avoidance syndrome - a form of autism - so I just assume she has some of that. Most of the time it isn’t a problem but if she is worked up about something she will shut down and not do anything asked

@stealstealthninjamum crikey, you've just described DD to a tee, and just been dx with inattentive ADHD and ASD. Only difference is she doesn't doodle so much, but she loves a fidget toy. At grammar, doing fine but not her full potential and loved lockdown as could whizz through the work and then do her own thing, without having to sit still.

@motherofawhirlwind dd1 loved lockdown too, both girls did, but if I wasn’t watching they’d be on YouTube. Minimal work got done in our house, it was so stressful for me.

We got the diagnosis but it hasn’t helped at home - although school have to make various accommodations. I am trying to lead by example so getting my pyjamas on after dinner, very obviously brushing my teeth, checklists of things to do before bed, getting dc into a pattern (routines don’t work in this house but a checklist of jobs to be done at some point is more effective). It’s exhausting to think ahead sometimes and dd1 has fewer needs than dd2 so if she accidentally goes to school in her uniform rather

Clicked on too soon - was going to say that in the past dd1 has worn uniform to school rather than her pe kit so I’ve driven trainers in!

Yes, post lockdown was good too - go in your PE kit and stay in it. No more shoes lost. Three pairs in a week was her previous record and I couldn't understand how!

School were doing alot but GCSE's fast approaching (she's Y11) and she was freaking out / not attending. I've actually now pulled her from mainstream school and she's studying online, choosing to repeat Y10. So much less stressful and she's complaining it's too easy, which makes a nice change from wailing about not being able to do anything.... She also made a comment over the weekend about how bad her room was. This is new!

My daughter was diagnosed officially this year. She was seen by a paediatrician and now takes medication. She is like a completely different person in terms of not being constantly grumpy and unmotivated and worried about everything. She is now calm, relaxed and happy. I cannot emphasise the difference enough. I was SO worried about putting a child onto medication and read extensively about it. There is a lot of research saying that they are far better off in the long run if they receive treatment when needed. There is also a lot of evidence from three London medical universities that it is under diagnosed and massively so in girls. They also say it is under medicated and if you look at the number of kids who have it versus the amount who receive treatment that there is a big discrepancy.

So sorry - meant to make it clear that she was 10 at diagnosis.

My daughter was also much calmer when she could just stay home for school during lockdown as she didn’t have to rush around constantly!

Did the treatment involve medication or anything else?

Waiting diagnosis

despertae for any tactics I can glean from you all re how to make life better in the short term until diagnosis and hopefully professional guidance

thank you!

I was highly sceptical of using medication but it has been life changing. I also use a positive parenting approach - you can find info about it online. Her paediatrician said ADHD kids often have very low self-esteem and so constantly telling them negative stuff is terrible
for them. I know it’s hard but you have to be careful of saying things like “why are you always late” “why are you so lazy” etc etc

It’s a brain disorder so it’s completely unfair on them to be chastised. Obv no parent is a saint and so we will all be grumpy and mean at times but if you build up their confidence, their ability to achieve and be happy is incredible! Our doctor told us to use loads of white boards with instructions and reminders eg bedtime tasks so when they are tired they remember to do everything to get ready for bed or school. her doctor also said to write positive affirmations and letters about how much you love them on the white board.

Its also common for people with ADHD to go into a meltdown or rage about stuff and their are books to help with that including anger management workbooks which sound cheesy but are actually pretty fun to use and effective.