I want to join the PTA but I just know I’m not going to fit in.

[OddPickle]

Name changed for this posting. My daughter started primary school last year. I chat to a few mums at drop off & pick up. Made arrangements to meet up with the children in holidays etc..

The thing is I would like to be more involved in the organising Of bake sales, fairs, fundraising etc…
But I’m quite a shy person, anyone else in a similar boat? How did you make the leap?

There have been pub nights but that’s difficult for me to pop too, there’s been one coffee morning that I’ve known off but I heard it wasn’t too welcoming of new joiners.

Am I just being silly about it all?!

You are not being silly. They can unfortunately be horrible cliques in PTAs. But they aren’t all like that and you won’t know till you try. Good luck!!

Is there a smaller/offshoot group you can join? For example Gardening Club/Second Hand Clothes Stall etc?

I have no wish to join the actual PTA but help out in the 2nd hand shop and the people have all been friendly and grateful for the help.

I'd speak to whoever runs it and ask if they are looking for more members no harm in putting yourself out there. Or you could volunteer in a different capacity. Our school has parent readers.

You won’t know until you try. If I were you I’d get in touch ahead of the next bake sale/uniform sale/whatever the school does , and offer your time. See how that goes.

I think the best way to dip a toe in the water with the PTA is to volunteer to help with a specific event or role, eg to organise a disco, run a cake sale or sell tickets for something in the playground. That way you can see what it's like without feeling you're committed if it turns out you don't enjoy it.

I just put my name down on the casual happy to help list so they contact me for specific events at my dd's school.

I joined my son's old primary PTA and it was very cliquey but it annoyed them that I returned each month! I completed the end of Yr school survey & mentioned that PTA was cliquey & not diverse of school community. I said it wasn't welcoming towards those who were new or from BAME backgrounds. After that the head or a teacher attended each meeting & it started to get less mean girls club.

If you don't join because you hear second hand that it's not welcoming then:
a) how do you know if you weren't there B) how will it change to reflect your school community if nobody other than an identikit parent joins.

Have they an AGM coming up as they should be open to any prospective new members and a good way to go along and talk to people and get involved. I am currently on DC’s primary school PTA, not shy but somewhat of an introvert but now the treasurer. It’s a small PTA & school and can be cliquey with one or two individuals but not all some are lovely and just want to do stuff for the kids & raise money. It’s nigh on impossible to get people to help, or be involved for that reason so be brave put yourself out there. Try it and see, but don’t take no crap from the few cliquey individuals who don’t always behave like grown ups. Despite the hate for PTA’s they are a valuable asset to a school and some do a lot.

You don't know if you'll fit in. Or if not fitting in matters because frankly I don't fit in anywhere but I manage ok on PTAs. I've been on 2 preschool committees, part of primary & secondary PTAs, plus other committees (eg. ATC). The mix of parents, atmosphere of meetings was very different at each one and in case of primary and secondary PTA, changed hugely when strong-personality individuals joined/left. Some meetings were long waffle sessions, bitter complaining, dissmissive unpleasantness towards others : others were very funny & careful appropriate consensus making, or highly efficient decide 20 things in 20 minutes & no stress at all. It's nice if you say you want to do one specific thing, like all the bake sales, and get into a groove organising just those & let others organise other stuff. They will bite your hand off with that kind of offer ime.

or You could ask to join the sleeper cell: you don't want to come to meetings but you'll help out at discos, fetes, sales, etc., just let you know on email/WhatsApp/Facebook, whatever way they share. You'll help out without sitting thru boring meetings. The advantage of attending meetings is helping set the dates & knowing other arrangements in advance.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement, it’s very appreciated.

You what, I will put myself out there. You all are absolutely right, I won’t really know until I try and then I will go from there.

I was like you - new to the school (DD didn't know anyone), am a bit shy, hate networking etc. I made the conscious decision to join the PTA as I felt it was good to help make the school a better place for the kids & selfishly to make a few connections so I didn't feel like Johnny No Mates in the playground. That was 3 years ago & I've been Chair of the PTA for the last two years & now just been voted back in.
Our PTA is great, not cliquey, we have a laugh, do meetings by Zoom & its genuinely been great. I know parents across the school, I know the Head & Secretary & teachers & we have a good working respectful relationship.
I know some PTAs can be bad but you won't know till you try. We'd welcome any new members with open arms! The more members the less work for everyone.