Supporting child with general anxiety/worry about school

[Whowhatwherewhenwhynow]

My son, age 9, is starting to get increasingly anxious and worried about school. He can’t pick out anything in specific he is worried about and he doesn’t seem to have an issue with the teacher or any other children . He luckily has a very calm class too. He says it’s just being in his new year and the word being “hard and easy” (can’t get to the bottom of what this means”.

I think it sounds like he’s just feeling generally anxious rather than anxious about a specific issue at school.

many suggestions of how to help from other parents with an anxious child?

we’ve tried deep breathing and getting him to try and tell him self that things are ok in his head to stop negative thoughts. We also talk to him a lot about his feelings.

I have a child the same age who is feeling the same op. I have asked the school if ye can see the councillor there. She says there are a huge number of kids feeling like this. Especially at his age.

I think the lock down really interrupted their development at a critical stage and it has been really hard for some of them to settle back down into being at school every day.

My child was previously the happiest most easy going kid. He's very popular at school and has lots of friends.

I think that teachers are under a lot of pressure to cope with lots of children with additional learning needs and it sounds like the class is quite hectic. My son is adamant he doesn't want to move class though.

He has been coming home early saying he has headaches or has been sick.

I'm also taking to him about his feelings as much as I can. It seems he's stuck in that horrible fight or flight response. I am looking into ways to help calm his central nervous system.

I'm sorry I don't have an easy answer. But will let you know if we find anything that works. And would be interested to hear if you do too.

Unmumsnetty hugs 🤗

This is a tricky area but too little talking is not helpful AND too much talking is not helpful either! Lots of kids go through a wonky phase.

Whe you say he feels increasingly anxious, what do you mean? What does he do? What is the impact on his life?

I would want a chat with the teacher to understand how things are in school and to give him very specific praise and lots of reassurance that a) many people have little wobbly phases that pass and b) if he ever needs you he can speak to you or write down his worries.

In my experience (older kids now!) questioning is pretty useless as at only 9 they often genuinely can't articulate it clearly so you have to accept what they do say and wait for more to come.

What energy can you put in on the positive side e.g. fun at weekends to just keep him entertained? Or do you think he's overstimulated and needs downtime? What is the rest of his life like?

In the middle of trying to persuade mine to go to school.
I don't think he's done a full week this term.
He was off yesterday with vague unwellness.
I really need him to go in today.
I've done the cuddling, making nice food, listening, colouring in, understanding, and have now just got cross with him & come upstairs, because I know that's going to make it worse.

Meeting his teacher on Friday.

It's so unbelievably frustrating and worrying. Why are these kids so stressed out about going to school?!

I can't pick him up and take him there if he refuses.
He's too big. I'm at a loss.

Has anyone been through this and come out the other side?

Way pre-covid DC1 had an anxious phase in Y4 - luckily after their residential! We found Helen Kennerley's "Overcoming Anxiety" book useful, which is based on cognitive behavioural therapy. Now a confident 15yo!