Can grief cause mental illness?

[changednameoctober]

I’m scared I’m losing my mind . I’m dealing with a double bereavement in the last few months - one very complex and traumatic, the other very sudden that completely knocked me off my feet . Both happened within a fortnight .

I’m completely aware of things and what’s reality and stuff, I’m not seeing things or hearing voices - but my head doesn’t feel right most of the time, I lose time (dissociate?), am either incredibly anxious or low or feel completely flat/numb - there doesn’t seem to be calm/neutral mode anymore .

My thoughts feel a bit jumbled a lot of the time, but at bedtime especially and first thing in the morning - like I’m dreaming but awake . Sometimes takes me a minute to work out if I’m asleep or awake . Nighttime I’m waking in a panic, having very very vivid dreams and clenching my teeth/fists all night - wake up sore all over .

When I’m having conversations I have to focus very hard to pay attention to what’s being said and can’t always understand it, my mind drifts off or I get muddled up .

I’m absolutely exhausted . I’m having constant flashbacks at the drop of a hat .

it feels like there’s two of me - me before and me now, and the me before seems so far away and a totally different person .

My mother suffered horrendously with mental illness all her life (personality disorder), she was in and out of
hospital all her life - and have a number of relatives with EUPD, bipolar, my paternal grandmother died by suicide as far as I know .

I’m absolutely terrified I’m going to lose my mind altogether . I don’t like being alone anymore because I don’t like being in my mind iyswim .

My GP has previously said I need to use self care methods such as exercise, eating well, sleeping - said she is concerned but not foreseeing a crisis - but I’m scared this has gone rather beyond that point and not sure what to do . I keep thinking if it was psychosis or something I’d not realise but I’m not sure .

Grief affects us all differently, you might find help from speaking with a bereavement counselor. You have been through a lot recently, be kind to yourself.

It sounds like you're suffering with reactive depression. I was very similar after my mother's sudden death (and some over stressful events happening around the same time, with no real support). You're not going crazy OP. And your GP is right, self-care will help. You will recover but be kind to yourself while you're going through this.

It's a lot to process and your body and mind is trying it's very best. Grief can make you feel like you're losing your mind so don't panic that's it's something else.

I think you are just hardcore grieving. Can you get some counselling to help? Cruse? X

I could be wrong but I think doctors try to avoid diagnosing mental health conditions for a certain amount of time after a significant bereavement because the symptoms of grief can be so strong and similar to mental illness. I know its easier said than done, but try the self care and just really look after yourself. Hopefully it is grief and will pass. If it doesn't, then time to go back to the doctor. And obviously if things are bad enough you really feel you aren't coping, then make sure you are speaking to your doctor about that. To an extent the feelings themselves and dealing with them can matter more in the moment than why they are there (grief or illness).

Thank you, that’s a huge huge relief, I think I’ve spent the last month panicking about this which is probably making it much worse . I don’t think I’ve ever felt this distressed in my life . Everyone else around me seems able to cope and carry on and that’s not the case with me at all, I desperately wish it was .

My GP has suggested bereavement counselling, she’s given me a phone number to call . I could call them tomorrow .

Family have asked me to talk to the GP again tomorrow just because they’re a bit worried, spent the day with them today and my aunty said she’s concerned for me in terms of very high anxiety levels - so will ring the GP again tomorrow morning and see what they say .

I am so sorry - I was put on Citalopram after my mother’s traumatic death from an accident - I became jittery and anxiety ridden and developed claustrophobia as well - I feel for you 💐

Just did some googling, as couldn't remember where I had read that. Apparently a recent bereavement used to mean that someone wouldn't be diagnosed with depression even if they otherwise fit the bill, it was in the diagnostic criteria. They have removed that exclusion now though, so someone who has suffered a recent bereavement can be diagnosed with depression (and presumably any other mental illness). I'd imagine its still taken into account by doctors, but it allows for a more nuanced approach. Interesting article here on differences between 'normal' grief and depression. www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/bereavement-and-dsm-5-one-last-time

I've not got any professional expertise in this area, so happy to be corrected by somebody who has, thats just my understanding from reading about these issues. Hope its of some help OP.

Bereavement counseling sounds like a really good starting point. The person giving the counseling should also be able to help in identifying if what you're going through is strong grief, or mental illness.

Contact the bereavement counsellor, they are trained to recognise specific grief related conditions. Sounds like you have complex grief, completely normal, but you do need intervention from a professional.
You will probably find they can offer more help than your GP.
I work in end of life care and would definitely refer you to a specialist rather than your GP.
Sorry for you loss, such a horrible time for you. 💐

I lost both parents within a few months of each other in 2020. For a good while afterwards I felt as if I was on the outside looking in at my own life. I honestly cannot tell you what I did between November 2020 and around March of this year , with any real clarity. I know I went places and did stuff but a lot of it just blends into 1 event IYSWIM.
Nighttime I’m waking in a panic, having very very vivid dreams I can relate to this so much. Bereavement dreams are the worst. It's not always dreaming about those who have died, but how they died and everything gets muddled up.

Grief is like a demon that is constantly trying to catch you out, but with time it shrinks to an annoying insect that you can deal with better. It's only been a couple of months OP and the brain is still processing everything. Give yourself time, it does get easier.

You poor love, so much to cope with. I have gone through something very similar and it was definitely grief - at times I also thought I was losing my mind and then got hugely anxious about my young family, who would look after them? Being anxious about the anxiety was brutal and I have done a combination of counselling and anti-depressants which between them help keep things more level.

definitely follow up the counselling contact tomorrow as that will help reduce the pressure in your head and heart. And yes take care of yourself as much as you can, sleep, good food, fresh air - get signed off work for a couple of months minimum so you don’t even have to think about it - and let other people take the strain on everything wherever possible.

one day at a time lovely, or one hour or even one minute, whatever works to get you through xxx

What you describe I think sounds normal (and sits in line with what i experienced after a traumatic bereavement). You will be in shock OP, it takes (sadly) an awfully long time to recover from something like this.

Would you consider contacting a service such as Cruse Bereavement, they have a phoneline you can call or you can email. I found it helpful in that initial stage - I spent the majority of the time barely able to get words out and the counsellor was just so wonderful, patient and validating. She encouraged me to accept that it was going to take time and in that time I first just needed to make sure I was caring for myself - eating, getting up every day, washing, helped with suggestions to learn to control when I grieved (where possible) instead of letting it consume my days and nights.

I also spoke with my GP and asked for something with help sleeping, which helped the issues at night and offered more restful sleep.

Grief affects the mind and body in all sorts of ways and is a huge, huge thing to recover from in its most raw form. It can lead to longer term depression or 'complex grief' but nothing you describe means you have lost your mind or that this is the beginning of a downward spiral in that respect- just an awful situation that you need support getting through, and time.

So very sorry you're going through this.

Yes, it can impact mentally, physically or both. Seek out a bereavement counsellor who will help you navigate what you’re going through. Grief is process, and more often than not, other trauma/mental illness rears its head, so you can explore that too.

Look after yourself OP

Thank you so much, can’t explain how much of a relief it is to read your replies . I’ve been so bloody scared . I’ll definitely phone Cruse tomorrow, and will check in with GP again too to see if there’s anything more they can do to help too ie medication . I’ve been on antidepressants for years anyway but see if they can prescribe anything else to get through the short term at least .

So sorry for your losses
I totally resonate with the me before they died and me after, we are different people now , how could we not be.
I think you should seek some bereavement counselling although it may be too soon? X

Hello OP - don’t be scared, grief is a massive toll on mind and body.

Feeling strange, having lapses, even seeing/hearing things at this time is not particularly unusual. A bereavement counsellor as others have suggested would be helpful, also seeing your own GP if they are generally helpful

Rest (much more than usual), less stress, eating well etc also all make the difference

With winter coming also suggest you try to stick to regular sleep/wake times and get some daylight every day (a morning or lunchtime walk probably ideal if you can manage it)

i lost dh July 2021 and I thought I was losing my mind. Nothing seemed real, I’d also wake up after dropping off gasping for air, having panic attacks, my anxiety was through the roof, it also caused some physical effects to as well as psychological.

I tried to push through it, went back to work quickly but I ended up having a breakdown.

antidepressants and a course of sleeping tablets helped enormously and acknowledging my grief and that it was inevitable I’d feel like this.

i wouldn’t be surprised if I had ptsd, my gp seemed to think so. I still have flashbacks, I still panic when I hear seagulls (when dh was dying in hospital that’s all we could hear, every night, on our wedding night)

im in a better place in my mind now, my grief has settled into something where I can cope, I’ve grown around it and can see a way forward.

I didn’t have grief councelling, well I did but I didn’t get on with her but I think I’d probably benefit now from it, six months was too soon for me although for others it’s the right time.

speak to your gp again.

man’s like others have said winter is coming and rest, less stress and being kind to yourself will help x

• like many others not man’s.

oh and I get the before and after me feeling. I am a different person now before dh died.