Feeling demoralised about mealtimes

[ISaySteadyOn]

Whatever I make, the DC will hate, unless it is pasta. For varying reasons, Monday is our official pasta night so I am not cooking it tonight. But now I am sitting here paralysed about what to cook because what's the effing point? They won't eat it and I could probably do with skipping a few meals myself. But it means I dread suppertime every day. And that doesn't help anything.

I feel stuck. I want to enjoy cooking and meal planning and providing good food but when your efforts are met with, you soon feel like giving up.

Anyone else feel like this? What did you do?

One of the leading food advice with children is Ellyn Satter's division of responsibility. It's your responsibility as a parent to provide your children with healthy food, and its your children's responsibility to decide if and how much they eat. Serving food family style rather than plating up, making sure there's always something they well eat there and not commenting at all on what they do and don't eat (no cajoling, not "two more bites", no "just eat your vegetables", no withholding pudding or other treats) can take a lot of pressure off mealtimes.

How old are they?

How old are your dc’s?
what do they like with pasta? Varied stuff or always the same meal?

11, 9, 8. They all are ASD as am I which probably doesn't help.

The 9 yo and 8 yo eat pasta with tomato sauce and the 11 yo eats pasta with pesto. She'll eat a garden salad with that too.

I exaggerated, I think. Got caught up in the despair of the moment. They do eat more than pasta. They'll eat toast, hummus, tofu, daal, rice, and udon noodles sometimes.

I never comment on what they eat unless they say something nice about my food (usually it is the superior quality of this week's tomato sauce 🍅) at which point I thank them.

I wish we could do more family style meals but I keep failing at it. I can't organise my kitchen to keep things off the table.

I just want to get into good habits but dyspraxia and ASD are a bad combination. Desire for routine but disorganised brain fucking it up.

DD is 6 and has been a very picky eater. What’s currently working for us:

• we sat down together and brainstormed all the meals she’s willing to eat
• several of these are very quick (sandwich/quesadillas), oven meals (fish fingers) or microwave (frozen mash)
• I make and freeze things like Mac & cheese
• i bought a cheap 7 day planner whiteboard. On Sundays I write the week ahead meals and if it’s family style or kids eat separately
• I checked the school meal plan to avoid duplication, and on days when I know DD will have likely eaten well at school, I’m happy for dinner to be a cheese sandwich

it’s working so far because DD hates surprises, and it means I don’t get to 5pm and panic about dinner. She’s eating more, but even when she doesn’t, I’m relaxed, because the whole thing is less effort.

That's a great idea. I have a calendar. I can try that.

I think the other thing is accepting that sometimes they’re not going to want a vary varied diet, and it’s fine for dinner to be a sandwich/cheese and crackers and fruit. Whatever it takes to take the stress out of it for you.

I really do get it, DD literally hates having to sit still for long enough to eat, and for ages she’d eat about 4 things. But we’re getting there because we’ve found a way that’s not stressful for me, and if I’m relaxed, she’ll relax and eat more.

Pasta is not necessarily 'unhealthy' though OP. I am autistic and was a picky eater when younger, smells and textures were my issue. Can your DCs tolerate smooth sauces, could you simply blitz veg into a tomato base? If they will tolerate cheese, you have protein and some fat. If not, could you add an egg each to the sauce?

If they'll do Hummus, you could mix some of that into sauces too.

Ha! Actually, one of the complimentary tomato sauce nights was one where I had blended cooked bell peppers into the sauce. 😂

I don't think pasta is unhealthy at all and I cdo vary the type I cook. I just don't want them eating it 7 nights a week.

Tonight, we ended up with mini pizzas and salad.

I think trying to find ways for everybody to relax around the preparation and the consumption of food is a good idea though.

Small triumph here. DD1 likes black bean soup! So I am finding new meals.

Our kids have additional needs. I figured out they coped better with meals when the food was put on the table to help themselves . Only rule was eat everything you put on the plate and you can take more seconds if you want. We also have a 2 week meal planner because the kids prefer knowing what's coming up. I do a mix of things they like and meals which might be more challenging and if they are unlikely to have eaten the school dinner on a given day the evening meal will be a family favourite. Still have lots of battles and unexpected refusal of food they've happily eaten previously. The blender stick is my favourite kitchen tool to sneak veg into pasta sauce