my mum

[jamiej09090]

Hi,my mum left my dad for his friend when i was 16 and my sister was 17,she was 8 months pregnant when she left with my dads ex friends baby,my dad did not know she was pregnant as my my mum is a larger lady,im now 18 and my sister is 19,its my dad that has done eveything for us since she left,my mum will text a few times a week to say love you,but she never asks to see me WHY,it really hurts

Didn’t want to read and run. I have no idea and can’t give you the answers you need. Only your Mum can tell you why she never asks to see you. I would just say, it’s her loss. I’m glad you have your Dad and your sister.

Hopefully, at some point you can talk to someone who can help. Maybe ask your doctor to refer you for talking therapy?

Don’t for a second think this is anything you have done, this is all on her.

Take care @jamiej09090

Put her on the back burner. It's easy for her to text you, it makes her feel like she's making an effort.

In fact it's not enough of an effort. I'd let her text quietly and just say 'thanks' each time.

If you want to message her, something like,' mum thanks for your texts but every time I read them it hurts because I'd prefer to see you. And for you to tell me in person, do you want to meet?'

But I think that opens you up to more hurt.

She's talking the talk but as pointed out, talk is cheap.

Have you ever suggested a meeting?

i have but she always comes up with some excuse

Oh I’m sorry my lovey. You’ve been treated so badly. Don’t you doubt it. You’re at such an important time in your life, lean on your dad and sister and focus on yourself.

Maybe she doesn’t have the capacity for empathy or love, or she’s blocked by guilt or shame about leaving you… it could be any number of reasons but whatever it is, it’s due to her failings, not yours.

I’m so sorry it hurts. I think losing a mother’s love is one of the most painful things to go through. Be kind and gentle to yourself about it.