I’ve just read all of my old school reports from when I was at school 1979-1991 (not read them in 20+ years) and I feel shocked at how poorly I achieved academically at school. I want to throw them in the bin.
Right from the second year of school the comments are fairly consistent with needs to concentrate more and try harder, organise work and research more, listen better, speak
up in class discussions as mostly does not, needs to gain confidence, and easily distracted. The only consistent positive is that through the years they all say I am polite, friendly and a pleasant member of the class.
I was painfully shy as a child although this improved somewhat in teen years. Parents only seemed interested in the school reports and would shout angrily at me for yet another report that inevitably said the above. There is the odd report when some subjects have seen improvements and then the next one I’ve slipped again. They rarely took any interest in what I was actually doing (or rather, not doing) at school even during the exam years. I recall DM listening to me read in Primary but that’s it.
I remember as a teen having little
motivation academically and also made little effort with extra-curricular things too. I recall looking at people doing the DOE or other such things thinking why would you do that, I can’t be bothered with that etc. I learnt piano and tennis and hated both of them so made no effort but DP’s forced me to learn. I wanted to learn karate but was told no, it’s not suitable for girls(!). In reality I probably could have done with the self-discipline it can give.
I don’t understand why I was so thick and unmotivated; it almost feels like there was something wrong with me. I scraped through all exams, went to Uni and got a mediocre degree which I’ve never used. Worked for a small number of companies, each with long-term employment; again wished I could be ambitious but have no motivation to study further etc. I should never have gone to Uni as I’m clearly not academic but when I left school apprenticeships were not widely known at all (grew up in another country).
I used to do my family history so I know the importance of having various documents but I just want to throw these reports away. I’m ashamed of myself and how thick I was and I don’t want DH to see these either (he’s a high achiever and Mensa member) and DC won’t gain anything from knowing their DM was useless at school, and later this has flowed into working life (I work hard but will never go places).
I don’t really know the point of this post. With the repeated report comments over the years about concentration and easily distracted I wondered if it could be ADHD or something but as an adult I definitely don't have these features so I guess it was just me being me.