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Really tricky neighbour issue

4 replies

Delilahonabike · 01/10/2022 02:19

I've posted about this before (under other names) but I'm really struggling now and need some outside views/ideas. NDN is in his 80's, diagnosed with dementia a year or so ago and very hard of hearing. His TV has got progressively louder over recent months, to the point where we can now hear what he's watching word for word over our own TV despite our living room not being on an adjoining wall, it literally reverberates throughout our house.

It's not ideal during the daytime and does get me down at times as I'm home a lot and can't get away from the noise but the main issue is nighttime. His sleep pattern is all over the place (think he catnaps in his chair more often than he goes to bed) and he tends to be up in the wee small hours so the TV comes on at (for instance) 1am and is loud enough to wake us with a jolt, it's like someone turning on the TV fairly loud in the same room.

DH works countrywide and drives hundreds of miles every week so really needs his sleep and DD(14) is really struggling to get up in the morning as she's being woken most nights too. It's pointless asking him to turn it down, he will have forgotten again by the next time he turns the TV on, similarly it's pointless speaking to his son or carers, they've left notes to remind him etc but nothing changes.

I suppose my only other option is to put in a noise complaint but I can't see how the housing association can enforce anything either, if they send letters it will stress him out and he won't remember what they've said anyway. And tbh it feels like a pretty low thing to do to complain about an elderly, ill man, none of this is his fault.

But the lack of sleep is really getting to all of us, I can feel my MH slipping and I lie awake even when it's quiet just waiting for him to wake up and turn the TV on. I should add that his son (his only real family), adult social services and his care manager are all trying to get NDN to accept more help/move into sheltered accommodation but he won't/can't accept his diagnosis and isn't quite at the stage where he's deemed to not have capacity so progress is painfully slow.

If anyone can think of anything I can do I'd be so grateful, we've tried earplugs but DD already has an ear problem and they make it worse, DH finds them uncomfortable and I have PTSD from an aggravated burglary so don't feel safe if I can't hear. I'm honestly at the end of my tether.

OP posts:
HighlandPony · 01/10/2022 02:56

Sound proofing? It’s expensive but it does work. Our walls are paper thin so we got ours done on one side. I sleep with earphones in listening to a YouTube channel that helps me sleep

OldManEmu · 01/10/2022 02:57

That sounds awful, you've all my sympathy. Have you tried white noise in yours and DD's bedrooms? It doesn't mask the outside noise, but somehow when you're asleep your brain does kind of hyperfocus on the white noise. We have machines in our house and set them on the rain/thunder noises which we like, but there's loads of options. You can get them through YouTube to see if it works for you before you buy a machine.

BasiliskStare · 01/10/2022 03:16

I really feel for you @Delilahonabike I would speak to his carers and see if they can find a way of TV being turned down or tiuned off at night until they come back in ( or are they residential ) I have a neighbour who has dementia. and I try to be kind but she can do things which make my life less good I have spoken to her carers which has helped.

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UserNameNameNameUser · 01/10/2022 03:17

A lot of TVs have a volume limiter option in the settings. You could ask his son to look into that.

Or, if it doesn’t have the option and funds allow for it, offer to buy a volume limited TV to replace his current one.

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