Will I get over longing for third child?

[Chicci1]

Would love to hear from anyone in the same boat. We have two gorgeous dc and for all the practical reasons, have decided not to have a third. I’m heart over head on it so if it was just my decision, I would go for a third but my husband is adamant that we’re done at two. My head thinks he is right as we really dont have enough time and money and space to give two children a good life and genuinely I think another sibling would take away from my existing childrens lives rather than enrich their lives. BUT I feel so envious when I see families with three and think about a third a lot - it feels like a physical ache. I’ve just turned 40 so suspect it it partially hormones. Has anyone ever really wanted a third and had it turn out ok? I worry I’ll be full of regret and resentment once it’s too late!

I agree completely with @Gemstar2 . I am also one of 3 and do not want 3 myself for the same reasons. In fact, I think I’d rather have 4 than 3 if I had to have more.

When you have 2 children, it feels like you have 2 children….when you have 3, it feels like 300….just saying from experience

It's your hormones- keep repeating to yourself.

Absolutely rose tinted glasses and thinking of those precious wonderful newborn moments.

Borrow a couple of toddlers for a full day or preferable 2 days.

I started this thread six months ago and now I do think the yearning for a third was very much influenced by hormones! I had just turned 40 when the yearning was at its height. That longing has really faded now and I am loving having adventures with my two dc that we simply wouldn’t be able to do with a baby on board. Thanks everyone for the advice. It’s different for every family but, for us, I do think we have a lovely dynamic with the two dc and I have enough time to give them both.

Awww thanks for this lovely update, really pleased to hear that you’re happy 😊

OP I was in a very similar situation. I would have had a third but my husband was absolutely adamant he was done, so I had to accept it. It was hard at first - as siblings and friends were still growing their families. But now? I can honestly say my husband was right and I think I just would have never had that “done” feeling unless he drew that line. It has undoubtably made things easier and has meant we haven’t had to move house, buy a bigger car and ultimately fund a third child. I’m sure if it had happened we would have made it work somehow, but now I am glad we didn’t roll that dice as I think it would have been too much pressure for us in many areas.

Now when a friend has a baby I am absolutely delighted for them but can honestly say that I have no desire to go back there. There were times I never would have believed that - I really tried to persuade my husband for a long time.

I know a few people that are really struggling with juggling their 3+ families logistics and finances currently - which has helped me see I was maybe viewing it through rose tinted glasses the whole time.

I would have loved to have had three but couldn’t afford a third set of nursery fees. I used to feel upset about that. Now my children are young teenagers and more expensive and need a lot of my emotional energy too so I’m over it! I feel very lucky to have the two I’ve got and think overall sticking with two was right for us. I’m sure if we had had a happy accident then things would be different but we would have had to move house etc

Good call. So glad we stopped at 2. Think there is a hormonal surge but if you push through that out the other side you look back and with a “wtf was I thinking”!

Wow what a gamble to take. You could have ended up with another ND daughter.

@MissDollyMix Thank you so much for your reply on this thread (albeit quite a while ago now)

I am in EXACTLY the same position….. was desperate for a third for so sooooo long….. cue tertiary infertility (if that is a thing!), years of obsessively trying and even multiple rounds of failed IVF….. thought I would never get over it.

my kids are now 8 and 11 and although I do still feel sad that I didn’t have the third, I also love what we can afford (emotionally and financially) as a result and don’t know how I would have coped logistically.

Maybe I am just trying to convince myself there are positives…. But it helps either way and nice to hear someone else who has been in my shoes and come out the other side.

Thank you 🙏🏻