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Original poster

Secondary school choice

9 replies

CanYouPassIt · 30/09/2022 19:20

DD is year 6 and we're looking at possible secondary schools. She's autistic (no EHCP) and has been very happy at primary school on the whole.

She's very superficially on the edge of a group of friends but doesn't get invited to things.

We've visited the 2 secondary schools in our town. DH and I liked school number 1. The SEN support seemed so much better. DD says she likes school number 2 because of the buildings and the field.

What do we do? I don't want to override DD's opinions but I'm really worried school 2 isn't going to meet her needs.

The reality is more of her class will probably go to school 2, but she'll have no one to walk with as she's not really got any firm friends.

Any advice from people who may have been through a similar situation?

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 30/09/2022 20:04

I think at that age the final decision is yours and you should trust your judgement. Support needs tend to increase in secondary so a school that is on the ball with that is vital.

popandchoc · 30/09/2022 20:07

Which one is closer or in your catchment as that might be the one you end up getting.
If you believe the one you like is the best then i would try and persuade her but you get the choice at the end of the day.

SpringCalling · 30/09/2022 20:16

Just been through this - DD spent all summer bemoaning that she wasn't going to her choice of school. Four weeks in, she's loving the school we chose. At this age they don't have the knowledge and experience you have to make the best decision for them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education Primary education Secondary education SEN
Original poster
CanYouPassIt · 30/09/2022 20:18

Thank you so much for the responses. I honestly can't tell you how reassuring my be found them.

OP posts:
Original poster
CanYouPassIt · 30/09/2022 20:18

*I've

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/09/2022 20:18

You tell her that you will put both schools on the application and the computer will spit out (hopefully!) one of them.

She doesn't need to know which order you put them in.

Ilady · 30/09/2022 21:49

If your daughter is autistic I would go for school number 1. Some schools have better sen help and more experience in dealing with autistic kids. As your daughter gets older the extra sen help if required can help her reach her full potential. Also she would probably have a better chance of making friends in this school.
You said she was happy in primary but was on the outside of the group. Her current primary school group may not want to include her if she goes to secondary school 2.

At 11/12 most kids just want to go to the same secondary school as the rest of their class. They don't understand why a different secondary school is better. A different secondary school can offer extra sen help, more subjects, better teachers, smaller classes, better pastoral care or more extra circular activities or a combination of these.
Also certain schools just suit children better by the nature of what they offer ie book or more practical subjects.

I would apply for both schools but put school 1 top of the list. The reality is that you want your daughter to be able to avail of the extra sen help so she can be happy and do as well as possible in school. I also think she would be happier in this school because her needs will be met in a better way.

She may not be happy going to a different school to the rest of her class but I would tell her about all the things her new school has. Mention anything that she likes in regards to the school as well.

The reality is that your her parents and you know what will suit her better school wise.

I did not go to my local school like the majority of my primary school class.
As time went by I realized that I did better in the new school exams wise, friends wise and I got chances to do extra circular activities not offer in my local secondary school.
Long term going to a different school was the best thing possible for me but I did not know this at the end of primary school.

AriettyHomily · 30/09/2022 22:09

At that age it's not her decision, go with what you feel is the right fit.

MrsAvocet · 30/09/2022 22:21

I don't have any experience of SEN but I have been through the experience of a child having a different preference. One of mine wanted to go to a different school to his siblings because of where friends were going and also because one of his friend's Dad's was a teacher at his preferred school and he thought it would be "cooler" than the school his siblings attended. We talked about it, explained our reasoning and the flaws in his reasoning but he was adamant. In the end we over ruled him. Was he happy? No! There was a fair bit of pleading and sulking initially, but once he started he quickly made new friends and settled in.Nowadays he recognises that we did make the right decision on his behalf. I did suggest he could visit his original preference when he was applying for 6th form as now he's older if he still preferred it we could reconsider and he looked at me as if I had completely lost my mind! 😂

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