Just needed to vent really.

[MrsCrafty2022]

Hi all, this is just me venting, even if no one replies all comments, it's just letting off steam.
I can't speak to anyone else, I feel this is a good place to 'let it all out' so to speak!

I'm feeling quite alone, although having a large family, including children a husband etc. My children ages range from infant age, to adult age, one being a teen, and the others are little just ones, so this post isn't aimed at the little ones.

I find everyday I'm rushing around, have a hectic morning, then I do a bit of housework, tidy up, washing etc. I also go to work everyday, then back home on the evening, to have another hectic time, so I never stop. In between work I'm doing all the school runs, cooking, cleaning, bathing the little ones, ironing, tidying up and generally doing most of what needs doing in the home, as well as dealing with all my husbands issues and what he needs. My two eldest children both have stuff going on, stuff that's taken toll on me a little, but we've come through it. I'm 100% there supporting them both, as well as making sure my youngest two are cared for as well as my other half and just generally being there for them all cause that's what I do.

What I'm saying is lately I've noticed my own health deteriorate somewhat, and I feel I'm being pulled from all angles. I don't get no time for 'me'. I don't get time to just let loose or have 5 minutes peace. I am feeling really overwhelmed by everything & my partner isn't the best person I can talk to, he's not approachable when it comes to asking for support or a shoulder. He's not good with emotions or that kind of thing. That's just him, I get it, so I don't discuss things with him. I wouldn't want to burden him as I know he dislikes all that confrontational stuff.

My mother is a woman who in my whole life I've never been close to, she's always been closer to my other siblings. My dad no longer around, again he wasn't someone I could talk to or close to, he preferred my sister growing up, so I just feel really alone. My siblings are busy with their own lives, we hardly see one another. So I just feel like I've got no one to vent to, selfish as that sounds.

My post today, really is to just to vent. Nothing in it really, only to say, I feel like not one person in the whole world ever says 'are you ok, do you need anything, can I do something for you'.

I do ask my family I live with if they can help with chores (well the ones that can), but this is usually overlooked or ignored and I end up doing everything myself. None of them ever ask me if I'm ok or need anything. Ok the little ones can't, but my teenager, my eldest and my partner never do. I go above and beyond for all of them, everyday, I make sure they've all got clean clothes, beds, food, beverages, a clean home, drop them off everywhere, support them and there for all of them 100%. My mom never offers her help, even though she knows I never get a second and she's not doing anything anyway, she's a lady of leisure, 6 holidays a year. I don't want her to babysit, that's fine, she's past that, as she's not very maternal anyway, but just generally asking if I'm ok, would be nice, like I do for her. I have always been there for her when she needs me, but she's never there to me.

I don't even know what I want from this post, I don't need advice or someone to tell me I'm a big softy, and need to put my foot down, I know
I am soft and perhaps need to toughen up, tell my family I would like more help, or for them to check on me once in a while. It would be nice to be thought of once in a while. I just feel like
I'm unimportant, that I don't matter, but just give and give, but get nothing back. I don't want a lot, just a meal cooked for me once or just someone to say 'you alright'. It's pathetic isn't it? Sorry I sound childish and ungrateful.

Don't get me wrong I absolutely adore my lovely family and would bend over backwards them, well I do. But sometimes, it's nice to feel that they would think of me sometimes. I have feelings too. With my health getting me down and feeling rough some days, it's just nice to be able to relax once in a while, but it doesn't happen.

Thanks all for reading, please be kind, I'm not out to sound horrible or ungrateful, just a little lost in the world.

Let me send you a bloody big hug, let you know that you have been heard, and to ask if you really are alright?

I pop in and out of MN every day so can be here to listen should you wish me to.

I typed out a huge long reply then lost it 🤦‍♀️
Fitstly, stop ironing. It's unnecessary. I only iron for weddings and funerals.
The teen and older one need to realise that if they want lifts etc they need to pay it back. They can babysit, run to the shops, cook a meal, put the hoover round. I hope they're doing their own beds and rooms? If not then you need to stop doing it for them now. Easier said than done I know!

Your mum sounds like a lost cause I'm afraid. A lot of posters on here have similar parents. It sounds like that's really hard for you. Maybe you're conscious of that and determined to be a better mum for your children, which is really admirable, but mustn't be at the detriment of your health. Being a good mum isn't about doing everything for them, it's supporting them to do things for themselves.

Are there times your partner is home that you can just go off and have a bit of time to yourself, even just an hour? There was a tip on here recently from a mum who said it took longer to go around the supermarket than it actually did, and she was actually having an hour in her car with a coffee and her book 😀

<3 @MrsCrafty2022 I know exactly what you mean, things are way better now for me, but I know exactly how you feel.

I'm not sure I have anything worthy of the phrase "advice" per se just recognition and support. But here are too concepts which helped me

1. equality of leisure time, hard to achieve sure but recognise and get partner (and possibly any adult offspring) to recognise that this is a fair and equitable goal to strive for.
2. you give kids "all the help they NEED" as a guiding principle. If they know or should know how to do a task, what if anything do they actually need from you? Reminders, reaching down the thing from the high place. Try to get everyone (and most importantly yourself) to recognise that you are not support staff, you are not 'the help' you aren't there to do it for them. But you will give them all the help they need, just not necessarily all the help they want.