Stress at critical mass

[RagingWoke]

Or feeling like it has. A hundred little things piling up and honestly I feel like I'm going to buckle.
DGM has a pretty horrendous illness, care has been appalling. Absolutely horrific to the point she's refusing any further care and would rather die at home on her own terms. Every phone call I'm afraid it's someone telling me she's died, no calls and I assume she's died.

Work stress, just endless. Too much work, too little time, colleagues piling on. Possibility of massive budget cuts and I don't know if my job is safe.

House is a mess and no time to sort it.

DC have their own challenges... both NT, but toddler is his typical toddler self, utterly adorable, lovely, loud, demanding and amazing. 7yo is just constantly kicking off, refusing to do anything, hates me but is fine for everyone else.

Then the same worries everyone else has with price rises, instability, general shitness of the country.

Car is falling apart and no time or money to sort it.

A million bits of life admin I never get round to doing that desperately need to be done but are just piling up on us.

DH stressed too and we're snapping at each other.

Didn't get places in after school clubs so time pressures are 100x worse than last school year.

I'm trying to do my best in my career, parenting, as a wife, friend, daughter, granddaughter and failing at every single one of them.

I've always had noise sensitivity but it's so much worse recently, to the point I can't stand any kind of background or loud noise, it's physically and mentally painful. I cried at DCs swimming lessons because it's just too loud and too many sounds.

And this morning I've been asked to go to the most inconvenient place possible for 2 days next week for work which is actually 4 days because it's 8 hours each way travel (on multiple trains, busses, walks and a taxi, shit budgets for hotels and meals so I'll end up staying somewhere shit too) and it's just tipped me over the edge.

I had an anxiety attack on the tube yesterday and it took hours to get myself back together.

I know I'm not alone, but god does it feel that way.

Hugs. I have no solutions but I also feel like this sometimes. Xxx

Op I’m here. I feel you. I’m not at breaking point but close to it and something’s got to give. Everything is pissing me off. Work is taking the piss, my kids do f all and leave a trail of shit around the house, ageing parents that live on the other side of the country and all the shit on the news. For me something has to give and I want to quit my job but worried with the rising costs.
I hear a mantra on here quite often ‘this too shall pass’ and that brings me a little comfort. Unmumsnetty hugs.

That's an awful lot for one person to be dealing with. Have you seen your GP? Might be an idea if not? You could discuss the potential for being signed off work with stress for a bit to regroup.

Don't know what your relationship with DH is normally like but I would try to sit down when you are both calm and have a chat about how you're feeling. It's really hard to feel like a team when you are both stressed to the eyeballs, but it's a lifesaver if you feel that someone at home has your back rather than snapping at each other all the time. Mine gets me through the bad times, and I hope vice versa.

Your DC may be responding to your stress if fine for everyone else, so I would let DH manage him/her just now as far as possible.

You really are dealing with a lot. And when everything is full on you don't have time to even think about how to make things better.

You're not alone unfortunately in feeling like this. It sounds like you have friends and family and a DH. Use these people to get you through it.

I know you're too busy to think straight but it sounds like you need to see a GP re your panic attack and current stress levels. I think you could get signed off for a couple of weeks to give yourself some breathing room although totally understand that if you're worried about your job you may be reluctant to do this. But your health has to come first, remember the line about putting your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else.

As PP said, sit down with your DH if you normally have a good relationship and have an honest chat about how you're feeling and how you can both be there for each other. Maybe it's just a hug at the right time, him making you a cuppa or maybe it's more than that.

Housework isn't the be all and end all although depends on your personality if you struggle with it being untidy. Maybe DH can shoulder more if this load, brine the 7 year old to help.

I'm trying not to bombard you with solutions as in the face of high stress you sometimes just need some solidarity.

DH is great, he does more than his share of everything and we're generally a good team. It's just one of those things we both have a lot going on and it's easier to take it out on the person closest- as we're both wfh 3 days a week we're often each other's nearest human contact.

I have had a small (but mainly still professional) outburst on a teams call this morning, which made me feel briefly better. Someone made my manager cry and it tipped me. Luckily everyone else on the call felt the same and supported me and my manager called after to say thanks as she's feeling much the same as I am.

I don't want to take time off, because there's 2 of us doing what should be a 5 person team at the moment so it'd just compound the work stuff. Everyone is aware of that but there's a recruitment freeze and we can't get people even when there's not. Allowances are being made and I'm being very vocal about resource issues because I'm not willing to let it become an expectation we can be left under resourced. Learned long ago not to stay quiet on this type of thing.

Ok...not quite sure what you're asking then. Or if indeed you are asking for anything. Myself and a couple of other posters have replied and tried to be helpful and you've come back and said no and listed reasons. Which is fine. But maybe articulate how we can help? Is it advice or just listening and solidarity?

I second what others are saying. Mental health is much more recognised now. You need to see your GP and be signed off for a while to clear your mind and regroup. It's all getting too much. I'm sure if you had some time out, slept, cleared a few things from your mind and tackled a couple of the jobs you haven't currently got time for you'd feel a lot lighter. Maybe also speak to your Employer and explain how you're feeling and on the verge of a breakdown. Unless they are totally wanky they should empathise and want to help! Hugs x

I mean, I said I didn't want to take time off... that's not particularly arsey. although I have booked in some leave to take advantage of accrued flexi time and am very much looking forward to it.

Some great suggestions. If it was a possibility id see my gp, and I've not given up on trying. I'm sure a lot of us are in a similar position with that!

I guess solidarity, a vent/outlet? I don't know. I'm trying to consciously deal with stress and not allow it to subconsciously lead to poor decisions or self destructive behaviours.

I don’t think OP is being arsey. When life is like this there is no easy quick fix. That doesn’t stop a poster wanting to vent. 90% of mumsnet is people venting.

My sympathies OP.

It’s horrible when you are under this amount of pressure.