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Original poster

Would you date someone who is ten years younger than you if you're in your 40s?

35 replies

Ratioo · 29/09/2022 07:28

I am single with DC. Not planning on having anymore.

My very good friend is ten years younger than me. We are very comfortable with each other and are pretty close. I do find him attractive but never have entertained the idea of us being in a relationship
due to the age gap.

He's thrown a bombshell a few days ago saying he'd really like us to be a couple and he's sort of fallen in love with me. My initial reaction was wtf and I was probably a bit rude! But I was surprised tbh.

Anyway I do really like him and if I was even 5 years younger I wouldn't think twice. My issue is that he's still so young and what if he wants kids down the line. What if I am old and wrinkly and he runs off with a gorgeous young replacement. I'm having all sorts of thoughts of how this can end badly but on the other hand I bloody love him.
I don't want to lose the friendship either if it doesn't work out. He thinks I'm being crazy and overthinking.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/09/2022 08:09

10 years isn't the issue. Have a conversation about whether he might want kids in the future. (You're friends; surely this has come up in conversation already?)

Quitelikeit · 29/09/2022 08:13

The only issue I see is different ages different stages

clearly you are aware of that and are hesitant about taking the risk

you may well get hurt as I’m assuming he would want a family or f his own at some point. If you asked him about this now he might say anything just to get you

but there’s only one way to get rid of temptation………

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 29/09/2022 08:24

I’m seeing someone ten years younger. Yes he may want kids later on, but I’m just taking it a day at a time. Things change, people arent always around forever so whatever stage of life you’re at, you could end up separating for one reason or another. Just enjoy it!

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Gloriosity · 29/09/2022 08:28

I don’t think you can live in the what ifs - you can be perfectly matched on paper and then someone gets hit by a bus, y’know? Life’s too short to worry yourself out of happiness.

IF he wants kids that’s different. Does he?

Overthemoonies · 29/09/2022 08:28

Don’t worry about getting ‘old and wrinkly’ and him running off with someone younger. If he’s a cheat, he will cheat, if he isn’t, he won’t. Men go out with women who are much younger and more attractive than them and they still cheat, sometimes with someone younger and more attractive than their wife, sometimes with someone older and less attractive than their wife. There’s no rhyme or reason.

If you’re uncomfortable about it for other reasons or don’t have the same future goals, don’t give it a go, but don’t let the ‘running off’ thing put you off and always wonder ‘what if’.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 29/09/2022 08:30

OP’s post has made me warm and fuzzy. (I know she has doubts but it’s still lovely).

Will you keep us updated?

FrancescaContini · 29/09/2022 08:31

Yes, why not?

MrJi · 29/09/2022 08:33

Not far off a decade between me and DH, and I had our dc in my forties as a consequence.

A ten year gap is fine.

Afterfire · 29/09/2022 08:34

I’m 40s and dh is early 30s. We’ve been together since he was 21 and living on his mums sofa having left university and I was a divorced single mum aged 31ish. It’s never bothered us at all. We have a child together now and my eldest is 19. I think the dc issue is more of a thing than the age as such.

Dimsumbun · 29/09/2022 08:35

It’s really only the issue about children, I really think ten years either way means that being the same generation is enough.

The real risk is losing a friend if it goes wrong. DH and I were great friends for just over 3 years before we started dating. It was obvious to everyone we were madly in love with each other but I was petrified of not having him in my life if we broke up. What pushed me was he went for a job interview in Canada and I missed him so much when he flew out. We had talked about getting together by that point. He came back, it was on and all of a sudden decades have passed. We were at the same stage of life though.

trimma · 29/09/2022 08:36

I would go for it if I was you, life too short and all that.

My current FWB is 12 years younger than me. We met through a shared activity so didn't realise the age difference was so large (he could look late 30s, I could look early 40s). Sex is really great. We like doing same type of days out etc so no problems there. He does want kids so it won't move to a relationship but that's fine by me.

BillyJollyWandy · 29/09/2022 08:45

Yes I would in these circumstances. Unless the man either was very clear he was keen to have children a bit later on or strikingly unsure (even if saying otherwise). If he's already in his 30s he probably has a good idea one way or the other, unless he's a complete manchild in which case avoid dating him because of that. You can't really live life on the basis that people 'might' fundamentally change their minds about this or anything else.

(My partner who is a bit younger, didn't at the beginning, and still doesn't, and now it would not be possible to, want have children with me. I already had children and didn't want more. We discussed it again just the other day. Still doesn't. Maybe he will change his mind about all sorts of things in the next decade(s)? Dunno! Can't plan for that.)

Original poster
Ratioo · 29/09/2022 08:59

Yes it's the him changing his might and wanting kids that terrifies me. He does hang out with me and my children sometimes and

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 29/09/2022 09:03

This wouldn't bother me at all. You'd never get a man asking if it were ok for him to date someone 10 years younger. I would absolutely go for it.

Original poster
Ratioo · 29/09/2022 09:05

...we have been on family day trips. He is great with my kids and I honestly think he would be a great dad to his own too. He says he is happy not having kids and hasn't thought about it as he hasn't found the right person. I have told him outright I don't want any more kids and probably can't anyway and he is fine with that.

OP posts:
LaPerduta · 29/09/2022 09:27

I did and he was a cunt, but I doubt that had much to do with his age...

TheOGCCL · 29/09/2022 09:30

I feel like your relationship has changed already with this revelation from your friend so it’s not like you can just carry on exactly as you were.

Beamur · 29/09/2022 09:35

TheOGCCL · 29/09/2022 09:30

I feel like your relationship has changed already with this revelation from your friend so it’s not like you can just carry on exactly as you were.

The genie is out of the bottle.
If you like him, why not?
There are no guarantees in life. No one starts a relationship knowing whether it will succeed or fail.
Has this revelation changed how you feel?

Banana2079 · 29/09/2022 09:36

I’m 43 my partner is 35 not quite 10 years but almost there is no difference to be honest when you’re 60 he will be 50 what’s the difference this is a non-story if you like him go for it

Aseagullatemybaby · 29/09/2022 09:41

I reckon you can already say goodbye to the friendship.. once someone tells you they have feelings for you a platonic relationship would be long gone the second either of you meet someone yourselves (trust me 😬), there’s nothing worse than being the new girlfriend and meeting the female best friend said boyfriend once declared their undying love for!

Id give it a go, nothing to lose by this point.

user1471538283 · 29/09/2022 09:43

I did but I knew that it wouldnt be long term because i was established and he was still getting his life sorted out.

Your potential bf may not want DC!

goldfinchonthelawn · 29/09/2022 09:46

Don't worry about the future. You have no idea what it will bring. If you like each other, get together and stay together for as long as it makes you both happy. If he wants DC and you don;t, discuss this and understand that the relationship might run its course after a few years because of this. But no reason why you couldn't have a fantastic time first.

DisforDarkChocolate · 29/09/2022 09:52

When I was in my mid-thirties I met my husband who is 7 years younger than me. I already had children, this was his first serious relationship.

Reading that back I think I was mad but we've been stupidly happy most of the time. What counts is shared values, you face difficulties from the same position.

I would be most wary about the issue of children. Its a big decision for him to decide not to have children of his own, remember it's an increasingly common decision to make and one he's old enough to have made his mind up on. He's an adult, start with that friendship you have and see where it goes.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 29/09/2022 09:53

I was 41 when I met now dh. He was 31.i had dc he didn't. He had never envisaged having his own dc. Until it was me that broached the subject! I had a dc at 43.
Been together 10 years. Married for 7.

thebabessavedme · 29/09/2022 10:02

10 years between me and Dh, (together 27 years) never an issue really, we did have a long conversation many years ago about have dcs, he has never deviated from his original stance, he has loved my/our dd (he has always refered to her as his daughter) as his own, he has been/is a wonderful father and is now a totally committed and loving grandfather. All I would say is you must be very honest about how you both feel about this issue, you can never guarantee wishes will never change but if you start off with absolute honesty it will be a start of trust.