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Original poster

What age do you let your Dc have friends in their contacts?

20 replies

Sheepwalker · 29/09/2022 07:04

DD has asked if she and her friend can exchange email/phone numbers so they can message each other. Until now, she only has family in her phone. I hadn't planned for her to have a phone this year (I was planning to give her one next year) so by my thinking she's too young for online drama. I have told her that I will speak to friend's step-dad and ask what he thinks and what their rules are, same with best friend's mum, before I decide.
What age did you let your DC message friends? And did you stick with text message at first or allow WhatsApp even if they're technically too young for it?

OP posts:
PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 29/09/2022 07:08

As soon as they had phones, which was the final couple of mon of primary school. I let them use WhatsApp from the start

xyzandabc · 29/09/2022 07:12

Ours get phones for 11th birthdays so they can get used to it before secondary school. They can add friends straight away so they have a way of keeping in touch with friends when they all go to different secondary school. By that age they are starting to meet friend or go to the park without an adult so can use their phones to arrange things.

How old is your dd? I think if they are of an age to be arranging meet ups outside of school themselves then they need friends as contacts. If it's people they don't see at school, I'd let them too as a way of keeping in touch

If they are still of an age when you are organising play dates and the contact they would want to add are the people they see every day at school then I would be wary. Kids need some downtime from playground politics, you don't need school arguments or fallings out coming in to your home and being played out on WhatsApp in your evenings.

MinervaTerrathorn · 29/09/2022 07:18

DS had a dumbphone at 8, smartphone at 9. He needed a phone as we didn't have a landline. I think he was one of the first so wouldn't have had contacts immediately but no rules on it, certainly had contacts from year 7.

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Pepperama · 29/09/2022 07:19

Mine was 9 almost 10 (young in class so probably a bit earlier than I would have liked, but needed as everyone else was starting to make arrangements and didn’t want him to be left out). No WhatsApp and other social media

MinervaTerrathorn · 29/09/2022 07:20

DS was playing online with friends at 9 so was messaging through the PC mostly until secondary school.

Dinoteeth · 29/09/2022 07:33

Mine got a phone in P6 second last year of primary, equivalent of Yr5. No restrictions on who he could add although he prefers to chat via xbox.

SunnySomer · 29/09/2022 07:35

11, end of Y6 ready for senior school.

Speaking as a Y6 teacher, I’d say having a phone is fine as long as your household has (and sticks to) sensible rules. Eg no phones in bedrooms; use phones as phones (not alarm clocks); parents can look at phone at any time to ensure child is safe and is messaging appropriately.

the biggest issues we have are:

children have phones in bedrooms so message other people during the night and end up exhausted the next day;

children share inappropriate video content (especially YouTube videos) with unwitting recipients- often stuff that can’t be unseen;

children bombard one another with increasingly unkind messages - there’s no escape from this and a child needs an adult to have their back and intervene quickly;

children spend hours online visiting sites that would make your hair stand on end. This is particularly the case if they have their phones all evening/overnight;

children befriend unknown adults online….

all of the above has happened to my class during the last twelve months. And I don’t think my classes are atypical. Remember that you’re the adult and you need to be in control.

SunnySomer · 29/09/2022 07:36

Sorry just realised I didn’t answer your question, just ranted.
tread carefully with WhatsApp

youagainomg · 29/09/2022 07:39

My eldest was 10 when he got his first phone and my second son has just turned 10 and got his phone. All old phones of mine. No phone before school and at bedtime the phones get handed to me. Oldest takes his to school as now in year 7.

Original poster
Sheepwalker · 29/09/2022 08:18

DD is just 10. We had originally though she would be given one for her 11th birthday.

If they are still of an age when you are organising play dates and the contact they would want to add are the people they see every day at school then I would be wary. Kids need some downtime from playground politics, you don't need school arguments or fallings out coming in to your home and being played out on WhatsApp in your evenings.
Yes, this is what mainly concerns me. She sees these friends every day at school!

They do have the phones in their bedroom @SunnySomer as they're the only sensible alarms I've found (they don't need to get up at the same time each day) and they listen to music to go to sleep. But the rest is locked at 730pm and at the moment, only I am allowed to add contacts, allowed websites only.

WhatsApp has a 16 age limit, so do people just ignore it then?

OP posts:
SunnySomer · 29/09/2022 08:38

People do ignore the age limit, yes - partly as it changed from 13. It’s a bit of a peer pressure thing. If no one has it, no one needs it. As soon as “everyone has it” (and they will always tell you this is the case 🙂), then everyone needs it to not feel left out.
However, the good thing about WhatsApp is you can only message your contacts. On games, children often befriend friends of friends, or people who seem nice - and you as a parent don’t necessarily know who they’re talking to or what they’re talking about.
this website has really sensible advice. Ultimately it’s up to you as a parent.
parentzone.org.uk/article/whatsapp

PaperPalace · 29/09/2022 08:43

Mine had phones from age 11 and had contacts straight away. Yes, we have ignored the age limit for WhatsApp.

My DC have all been sensible with their phones, I've never had any issues with them (eldest is 16).

gogohmm · 29/09/2022 12:19

Dd called her friend on the landline so once she got a mobile her best friend went in it. I would stick to people you know are very close friends at that age but you need to start to teach them the skills to make these choices for themselves, in a year or so they are at secondary and need to be able to make good decisions themselves

Tootels · 29/09/2022 14:40

8/9/10 friends only. Not just randoms in their class

lailamaria · 30/09/2022 11:40

whatsapp is the safest social media to have, it's just phone calls and messages just free and it's their phone if they want to talk to their friends i don't see what the problem is it's hardly snapchat or instagram

purfectpuss · 30/09/2022 11:44

I think it's unrealistic to expect children to not be able to use messaging services until they are 16. That would have meant until the sixth form for my dd!

reelcat · 30/09/2022 17:36

Age 9 around here. I have good patental controls and allow whatsapp but she is only allowed 1 on 1 chats not group chats as that is where there have been a number of bullying issues between others in her age group

BogRollBOGOF · 30/09/2022 18:57

DS got a phone at 11. He's got a small number of friends anyway so has less than a handful of numbers. He's not naturally inclined to being sociable/ gossiping. That's not a foolproof protection but does reduce the risk of exposure to toxic social behaviour occuring through a phone.

There's nothing inherently wrong with whatsapp, it's how it's used that is the usual issue, and some of that can be done through other apps even SMS. Controlling who has access to your number is important

Beezknees · 30/09/2022 19:01

I got DC a phone in the September they started Year 6 as that's when they started walking to school alone, so then. Age 10 and a half, they're a February birthday.

Stressfordays · 30/09/2022 19:15

My son got his for is 10th birthday. I messaged round his number to his friends mums to give to their dc so hes had them since he got the phone. He uses WhatsApp, as do all the other kids. No issues as of yet, they often facetime while gaming.

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