ND/ADS adults: do you feel like you're getting worse the older you get?

[mantequilla]

I'm HF ASD, originally diagnosed with SPD as a teen. I feel like I'm getting so much more sensitive/intolerant as I get older. Or maybe it's no longer being arsed to mask.

I'm so much less tolerant of noise/bright lights/crowds as I get older. I'm also more uncomfortable in my clothes a lot of the time, can't wear necklaces/high necked tops/waistbands. Basically anything tight or rubbing really agitated me. I'm sure I never used to be this bad.

I've just repackaged a jumper back to asos after trying it on for 10 minutes because of the neck. I can't bear sock elastic. I never wear a bra.

None of these things bothered me this much when I was younger.

Maybe it's peri meno joining in with the ND shit. Argh. I'm such a grump, just give me a nice dark quiet room.

Oh yes definitely,
noise and smells have always had me on edge ,but now it’s so much worse ,and I find myself snapping ,for gods sake shut up / or oh my god what’s that smell ,
when I used to be able to grimace and say nothIng .
small children in coffee shops set me off ,I used to smile indulgently at little monsters screaming or running around ..now it irritates the hell out of me .
possibly due to not getting much down time ,so if I am lucky enough to get a coffee alone somewhere ,I want to enjoy the peace …music in coffee shops ,I will actually ask them to turn it down ..I can’t think while it’s blasting away ..I’m sure that didn’t used to bother me as much …I could go on ..

Following for interest, dc17 is autistic and things have definitely got a lot more pronounced as they've got older.

100% worse. I’m sure there is research to support this too.

I've only just realised I'm ND/ASD recently, along with my 14yr old DS.
I think I've masked for so long that letting the mask slip means things get to me more.

Or that now I'm older (44 - perimeno for 5 years) I just can't be dealing with it.

I do appreciate though that my DS feels its OK to object to things because of noise, crowds, textures more easily than I ever did and I'm pleased about that. He's happy to stick up for things he likes/dislikes, he's true to his auty/quirky self and proud of it!

Well, I know more about being AuDHD, GAD, RSD and all ... so I notice, and know what is behind the annoyances.

I feel free to avoid anything I don't like - for example, there's no light in my house right now, apart from the computer screen, and that's going off soon. I avoid people, too.

I've learned to care less, though. Currently, my right shoe is hurting and my bra strap is tickling my back. That's normal, everyday annoyance. My (extreme) tinnitus is quietly driving me insane and I can never, ever, get away from it. All those things would have had me furious as a child, but now I just think 'that's how life is'. Resigned to it, I suppose.

It's been downhill since 25ish for me tbh. In my 30s now, can't mask, struggle with incredibly basic things, sensory issues are out of the roof. Dr's, workplaces, the public in general etc expect me to behavior normal as I'm older, as if you outgrow it, which just makes me worse tbh and panic more.

I think covid made it a lot worse as every routine and practise of being amongst people went out the window.
I have far more frequent meltdowns and visible stims, and as such rarely go out now, so... Fun times!

Menopause makes it worse...

I look like a bag lady as clothes irritate me so much.

Good to hear I'm not just turning into a miserable old bat. DH believes his ADHD has gotten 100 times worse since he hit 40 too.

It's weird isn't it, and yes I believe it's partly to do with not giving a fuck about masking/what people think of you anymore. You're more comfortable with being who you are and admitting you want people to STFU instead of just trying to smile through it.

Oh well, dungarees, no underwear and saggy tits it is then 😄 I really don't care that much anymore about my appearance as long as no seams or labels are fucking rubbing my skin.

I wonder what comes next. Fully naked in an oodie, in the dark, with earplugs in? 😂

I'm only half joking. The world certainly becomes harder to tolerate with age doesn't it.

Thanks for joining in all, I feel less weird/at least weird in company now.

I feel like that. A sudden loud noise/shriek from a child in a coffee shop or restaurant feels like an electric shock, I physically flinch. The parents probably think I'm horribly rude.

I wonder what comes next. Fully naked in an oodie, in the dark, with earplugs in? 😂

Stop looking through my window 😂

Sounds lovely actually. Might do that now.

“Fully naked in an oodie, in the dark, with earplugs in?”

I mean, I’m (allegedly) neurotypical but this sounds like an excellent plan. Sign me up.

Ah this is nice. I like when we can take the piss out of things a bit.

I’m in my sixties and have found the opposite, OP! I couldn’t stand loud noise when young, but now I regularly go to rock concerts where the level indicator on the sound desk is over 105 decibels, and I sing along happily.
I still dislike bright or flashing lights, and could happily murder my neighbour for his vile Christmas lights, but that feeling hasn’t increased with age.
I’m much more comfortable in my own (autistic) skin these days - I converse much more, I am less socially anxious, I don’t fret about whether I’m masking successfully or not. I have hobbies where I mix with a lot of other autistics, so we can relax together.
Take heart, OP. Even neurotypicals often notice a decrease in happiness during midlife, but things improve again later.

That's great! Did you get any worse in your 30s/40s and then get more chilled?

I live in hope. I tolerated gigs and crowds as a young person but now I want to punch everyone 😂 maybe I will mellow yet.