Urgent - meeting with school about DS(10) - please help me be articulate!

[Acunningruse]

DS (10) has been subjected to some fairly low-level, niggly behaviour by another boy in his class throughout his school life. This seems to have escalated this school year and most days DS is being called 'weird' or 'gay'. I have a meeting with school today to discuss what they plan to do about this. Points of note:

• The child in question has an ADHD diagnosis and EHCP (which i suspect is why school have allowed it to continue)
• Its a small school with mixed year classes so no option to move classes
• We have raised it on and off previously and it dies down for a bit then raises its head again
• this child is dominating most aspects of my sons school life- hes a very dominant personality type and he chooses the football teams at break, he is distracting in class, he wanders around during class (I know this to be the case as DP volunteers in school and has seen this)

I am so het up I can't think clearly but I have a meeting with school this afternoon. What would you say???

Thanks

That doesn't sound like low level to me, that sounds like full on bullying including hate speech.

Why does every kid have a problem nowadays/ same as adults?
Could it just be these people were dragged up to be vile?

"Having ADHD & EHCP shouldn't be an excuse to allow bullying in any form but unfortunately seems to be becoming the normal thing."

Clearly written by somebody who knows bog all about ADHD

OP, the other posters are tight when they tell you to focus on your child rather than the bully boy, but I would like to emphasise that ADHD kids are more likely to be bullied than bullies.

There is zero connection between the condition and how that child has been treating your son - and if it does come up in your meeting, please shoot that down immediately!

You don't get a diagnosis or an EHCP if you are vile 🙄

If the child has a diagnosis than if is not a label neither is it fashionable, you don't just Pop to the GP,s and say my child is badly behaved please diagnose him with ADHD ,,a diagnosis will be made after assessment, s from professional, s who are qualified to diagnosis such conditions are made m

Well, unfortunately, it's not possible to punish or beat learning difficulties out of children. It takes time for them to develop, to mature, to learn and behave differently.

I'd love to hear about these children who are "just poorly parented" and yet go through a two year diagnosis process and ditto a year long process to get an EHCP.

Back to your son - the children should be supported to play fair games at break time - it IS something the school should worry about. Whether it takes the midday supervisor to organise something else, or a TA to occupy this boy, it shouldn't be the Wild West.

Sounds like you've got some good advice here but I agree that the other child and his behaviour isn't your responsibility. Best to just focus on the needs of your child and keep emphasising the impact on him, his work and his confidence levels.

It's then up to the school to come up with a plan (along with the other child's parents) as to how they can best meet this child's needs/manage behaviour so that your child is not negatively impacted.

There are a million things the school can dom ive had similar issues in my asn class every year and these are some thing that work well.

i asked if i could clear out an old cleaning cupboard, which i did, i turned it into a nice space big enough for a small group of kids to work/ play/ relax in. I had a full time support worker in my class due to the fact it was asn so it meant that room could always be supervised, but if someone looked like they needed a break they were allowed to pick a friend or 3 and take their work to the break out room.

They could also facilitate split break times, even just short term until this kid realises he doesn't have control over your son. He will move on if the opportunity isn't there for him to be a bully.

Paired reading or joint story writing and art projects are 100% possible between stages, so there's always a chance that they could arrange some of these types of activities to allow your son, and probably many others who are affected, a bit of respite!

The 'gay' comment has a whoooole other procedure (usually) and should be taken very seriously by the school. Ask them what they're doing and how they are recording and reporting incidents. If you're not happy ask for the complaints procedure.

Stay factual. Being called 'weird' or 'gay' is bullying. Ask to see the school's bullying/behaviour policy. They are legally obliged to have a publish one, then ask them what is in the policy to deal with this behaviour. If you do not get any sensible replies then email your Chair of Governors.

Let us know how it went OP.