Anyone been to Korea before? I'm shocked by the well behaved DC

[cjick]

I still can't get over the well behaved DC!

They're so impeccably behaved. What's their secret? I didn't see any children acting up or be irritating (as my own DC do) with constant questions and talking. All very well mannered and quiet on public transport

I suppose school expectations are just different from a young age

South Korea is an amazing place to visit if anyone is interested

I remember reading this very sad article about a boy from South Korea who killed himself. It said in South Korea children are hit with a wooden implement and the boy just wanted the hitting to stop
www.surreycomet.co.uk/news/13362474.teenager-jumped-from-bentall-centre-after-stealing-500-from-dad-and-telling-school-he-was-scared-to-go-home/

I’m Chinese and though you are mentioning Korea it’s not that different.

Asian parenting is completely different to UK style parenting.
Generally parents are respected and their wishes followed, it’s more about the family and respect for elders than the wishes of the child. It’s more societal than individual.

If you look at the statistics for exam results in The UK Chinese children are almost always top. Failure is not an option for hardcore Asian parenting.

I had a strict quite traditional Asian upbringing in England.

I married a white guy, he was brought up in a very liberal child centred household, caused a few ruffles between DH, overall DS had a watered down Asian upbringing. I suppose DH was Clegg to my Cameron, DS had a much stricter upbringing than his friends. He is an adult now and we are still very close and he is very thoughtful. DS laughs now when I give my look as he calls it, when I disapprove of something apparently my face shows it, he says that’s what I used to do to him when he was a child to make him behave.

My parents did smack me but I never smacked DS.

What happens to the neurodivergent kids?

God, that's awful @SnowFir - that poor boy

I don't think children asking questions and talking is misbehaving, they're learning. My children like to chat with me and ask questions I would hate for them to stop because others think it's bad.

That's answered the question. Something that some the horrors this country has produced sorely need . I bet these children don't roam around in gangs terrorising the elderly!!

I'll have to ask my South Korean close friend who lived in UK for a long time before returning home about this.

I don't think she had plastic surgery and don't even think beauty standards were that high but she almost always wore makeup (didn't need to) and was quite strict about her appearance and what she used, e.g. designer bags, when out with us. This was fine but hardly any of us used or had a designer bag, I have some that I used to use but just don't now as I mix in different circles.

She did say that for her time living in London it was great as her expectations were lowered, she could live more of a fun, unrestricted life and still have a career and study. However, I think her parents/brother got sick of this after a while especially as parents were funding her.

I do think parents/childrens study/expectations are higher though and she actually worked in psychology with children (non Korean) but obviously studied a Western curriculum re this so she could bring this on board too.

I have a South Korean friend, married to a British guy. Their kids are impeccably behaved also - very polite, delightful to talk to, etc.

I can say for absolute certainty that there's been no beatings involved with them!

They do, however, go to a very posh private school, where expectations of behaviour there are also high.

They are very encouraging parents, not pushy, and are allowing each of their children to do whatever they're better at (one is quiet, sporty and academic and the other is creative and outgoing), rather than just pushing them both to get the highest grades possible.

That said, when they're out with other people, they don't seem like "real" children. There's no fun, or mucking around, or spontaneous laughing. We were at a party with them last year and it took ages for the kids to realise they could let their hair down a bit. At their home, however, the playroom is an absolute tip most of the time, so they're obviously given a bit more freedom to be a child there.

Yes I somewhat agree it is parenting plus maybe some of the crap children are fed, I have seen some parents with zero discipline in the UK and just allow children to do all sorts including hit them.

I am from a background too where respecting parents is very important, so no swearing at parents, lashing out etc.

I hear what you say, but I don't think this is always the same for every Chinese child.

A close friend of mine at college studied very hard and was predicted to go on to get a great job etc which she was in line for. However, she then got pregnant and had a baby with her boyfriend. No option of a termination though she had had one before.

Her friends (Chinese) studied hard and yes it is a lot about family respect but at the end of the day a few of them (my friend and her sister) had to get jobs which paid money/bills rather than carry on studying. They do have a very good work ethic though whether that's home working sewing or working at a restaurant, they'd prefer to do this far more than claim benefits. They do have a gang culture (Triad) but this is more for adults. I didn't really see her brother (youngest in family) act out but he seemed to be more pampered than my friend and her sister and he did study hard and has a good job now.

Isn’t South Korea where the work culture dictates being available to work 24hrs a day so people have huge insomnia problems so they rely on alcohol to function? I’m sure I watched a documentary about it.

Look up the Sewol ferry disaster to see the end result of blind obedience to authority. The teenagers sat in their seats and drowned because the PA announcements said not to move. Meanwhile, a lot of the crew had already fled.

British parenting is more relaxed (modern) on the whole. I have cousins (not in Korea but in different non-western countries) who are expected to be seen and not heard. Smacking is common too. They might be well-behaved outwardly but they also aren't allowed to be curious or chat aloud - on balance I would prefer chatty polite children than silent children who by default appear very polite.

The footage on youtube from the students is jaw-dropping. The students just don't look bothered to be on an actual sinking ferry, they think it's going to be fine.

@Georgeskitchen there are over 200 organised crime gangs in Korea + those that are not organised. Whether they target the elderly or not is unclear. This once again dispels the theory that violence against children creates a peaceful adult.

In fact there's evidence to suggest that this current generation of teens are the least promiscuous generation with the lowest levels of teen drug and alcohol abuse the UK has ever seen.

But yes, go ahead and continue to advocate for beating children.

It is devastating footage. Almost everyone should have survived it. It was a slow sinking. The minority of students and other passengers who managed to override their obedience to authority and ignored the announcements by rushing to the open decks survived. The other students sat there patiently on lower decks and drowned, even as water rushed in.

Some of these posts have made me feel really sad for the dc

Well behaved or not I really feel for them

South Korea has the highest child and young person suicide rates of any nation.

They've achieved by a lot in the last few decades but the cost is enormous.

Korean children are miserable - the unhappiest in the world! I'd rather my DC were happy than extremely well-behaved robots.

Intense pressure, hagwons in the evening after school. Difficult high school exams - your parents have to pay for high school tuition. Buses ferrying around children to their classes all over the place. I wondered why there was a step up near to the entrance of the apartment block. Then I saw the pre-school bus pull up, a little girl (about 3 or 4) got off the bus and stood on the step to press the doorbell to her flat so someone could come down and collect her.

People are sort of zombies/brain dead by their late 20s due to all the pressure to succeed and lack of sleep.

I am sure I read a study that said they had the most unhappy children in the developed world. Also despite smacking being outlawed it is still very very common

This. It is a very regimented and harsh society and individuality is discouraged. Let's emulate the Finnish education system, not the Korean.

There is a terrible stigma to seeking psychological/psychiatric help too.

My DHs mum is Chinese Singaporean, he was brought up playing the violin, piano , chess club , extra clubs. He was definitely pushed all the time and wasn't allowed to play out until he was 13. DD has a massively different upbringing. DH was offered a job in Singapore but turned it down, I absolutely did not want DD joining the local school system she has dyslexia. I even worried about sending her to international school over there, she already feels stupid and has low self confidence. I felt the Singapore education system would make it so much worse..

Are the Korean parents tiger parents? I read Amy Chau's book but to be honest she sounded like a typical pushy American mother with her focus on music & grades... The Indian parents I know are also very strict & pushy when it comes to music, academics & languages...

I read that when the Korean airliner Flight KAL 007 was shot down by the Russians in 1983 the first officer knew that the captain (who was the airline’s most senior pilot) had misprogrammed the plane’s computer and caused it to go off course and end up in Soviet airspace, but he didn’t feel able to say anything.