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Original poster

Can't afford to go to restaurants every week

26 replies

Heytheredeliah · 27/09/2022 16:09

Hello everyone
I have some friends at university who I meet up with sometime during the week. The problem is that they want to go to restaurants all the time and I just can't afford it. The restaurants they choose are very fancy high end restaurants. I try to suggest cheaper options of where we could meet like dominoes pizza or just going for a coffee, but they say they prefer restaurants.

I worked for hours 6 days a week in the summer and I still work quite a lot now that I am studying but I really can't afford it anymore.

What should I do?

OP posts:
MarmiteCoriander · 27/09/2022 16:12

Just say no! Or tell them the truth!

Ask them around to yours and ask everyone to bring a plate.

Mrsjayy · 27/09/2022 16:15

You might need to just tell them they are too expensive for you OR say you are budgeting and would prefer somewhere else. It's all you can do really if you want to meet up with them

AlwaysTheBrideNeverTheBridesmaid · 27/09/2022 16:15

If they’re friends then just tell them.

’i can’t fit restaurants into my budget at the moment but would love to see you all still. Next time shall we do a takeout at mine?’

Dogtooth · 27/09/2022 16:16

Are you all young undergrads?

At a push I'd eat before then just have a drink with them. But really if there's a gang of them who are well off and you're not, this is a problem that's going to persist.

Ask them round and everyone brings something - or get some other friends!

SuzySangfroid · 27/09/2022 16:16

Just tell them you can't afford it. Invite them to yours and split a takeaway or ask everyone to bring a plate as suggested^^.

If they say no then you'll have to limit meet ups and can just tell them so.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 27/09/2022 16:19

Dogtooth · 27/09/2022 16:16

Are you all young undergrads?

At a push I'd eat before then just have a drink with them. But really if there's a gang of them who are well off and you're not, this is a problem that's going to persist.

Ask them round and everyone brings something - or get some other friends!

Yes we are all undergrads. They are very well off and I am not. I suggest just cooking at home together, drinks, or getting takeaways, but they never want to do that. They say they just prefer going to restaurants.

OP posts:
Paigeycakey · 27/09/2022 16:22

How do your friends afford it? High end too?

Just stand firm txt back no sorry I can't keep spending... and stick to it! You can have a coffee and cake at home or a supermarket pizza.

Dominoes is still expensive.

ArialAnna · 27/09/2022 16:26

It sounds like you've been a bit unlucky in ending up with a group of wealthy undergrad friends. Most undergrads are on a tight budget and drinking, cooking & takeaways at home are the norm. If they are set on going to restaurants and you want to hang out with them, I think you'll just have to do what another poster above suggested - eat before and just have a single drink at the restaurant (and explain before that's all you can afford). If they are real friends it shouldn't bother them.

purplecorkheart · 27/09/2022 16:28

Are you first years may I ask? They may find that the Bank of Mom and Dad will shut for restaurant bills quite quickly.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 27/09/2022 16:29

Paigeycakey · 27/09/2022 16:22

How do your friends afford it? High end too?

Just stand firm txt back no sorry I can't keep spending... and stick to it! You can have a coffee and cake at home or a supermarket pizza.

Dominoes is still expensive.

They can afford it because their parents give them thousands of euros to spend. I agree dominoes is expensive but it's kind of a compromise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 27/09/2022 16:30

purplecorkheart · 27/09/2022 16:28

Are you first years may I ask? They may find that the Bank of Mom and Dad will shut for restaurant bills quite quickly.

No we are third years

OP posts:
BeautifulDragon · 27/09/2022 16:33

If you can't afford it, then you can't go. Simple as that really.

Could you just meet them afterwards?

MolliciousIntent · 27/09/2022 16:35

Have you actually told them you can't afford it? Because if you have, and they're still pushing for restaurants, then they don't actually want you there.

Bluevelvetsofa · 27/09/2022 16:38

You need friends that appreciate your financial circumstances.

iekanda · 27/09/2022 16:38

Sounds like an unusually rich bunch of students - just tell them you can't afford it so can't go.

Surtsey · 27/09/2022 16:39

Find some friends who would rather spend time with you than go to fancy restaurants without you.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 27/09/2022 16:42

MolliciousIntent · 27/09/2022 16:35

Have you actually told them you can't afford it? Because if you have, and they're still pushing for restaurants, then they don't actually want you there.

I have told one of them that I just can't afford it now I am not work 6 days a week for 10 hours a day. He said he completely understood and said he would happily pay for me. I am not being ungrateful at all, but I feel so embarrassed that he is paying for me so I would not let him pay for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 27/09/2022 17:05

iekanda · 27/09/2022 16:38

Sounds like an unusually rich bunch of students - just tell them you can't afford it so can't go.

yes they are very wealthy. to be honest most of the students at my uni are very rich international students

OP posts:
erinaceus · 27/09/2022 17:17

This is a really tricky one. Income disparities among friendship groups are hard. I do think that you need to communicate with them that your budget is what is stopping you from going to restaurants. I think that friends do understand this even if the budget is not a problem for them.

Can you cook? If so, can you invite them round to yours? Don't frame it as "instead of going to a restaurant" but more as a fun evening of itself, perhaps watch a movie or have a game night, or do a fun cooking thing like make pancakes.

rookiemere · 27/09/2022 17:23

If they are very wealthy then unfortunately I can't see them going for other options.
Either accept to have your share paid for as a genuine offer, or meet them for drinks after the meal or even say dessert if you're more comfortable having a small amount paid for.

spiderontheceiling · 27/09/2022 17:40

Unfortunately, I ended up losing touch with a group of friends at University as they just had more money than I did and wanted to spend it... which I understood. At first, we adapted so once a month we'd eat in and all contribute to the meal but they still went out in the other weeks and I still couldn't afford that and I also felt as though I was cramping their style by making them eat in or we'd eat in and then they'd go off clubbing which made me feel even worse!
20yrs later and, despite being fairly well off myself now, they still lead much more affluent lifestyles than I'll ever be able to afford.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 27/09/2022 17:55

I think it's tricky, but either find other friends, or accept the offer. I really don't think they will change their lifestyle for you.

Calandor · 27/09/2022 21:40

Tbh I'd probably say I can't afford it and go but say I'm not eating and just have a coke or something or ask if we can go cheaper because it's too expensive. How they react will tell you much about who they are.

Calandor · 27/09/2022 21:47

As they offered to pay they're obviously so well off that they don't really care about money. Which means if you want to keep going you have to get over your embarrassment. You either go but don't eat, when they comment just say 'I can't afford it right now, but it's fine I ate before and still wanted to hang out'.

They either accept that or they don't. Stop caring about what they think about your financial status. They're either your friends and they want you there anyway or they're not.

They might feel uncomfortable with you not eating but just say you don't want them to pay for you and not to be silly.

LadyWithLapdog · 27/09/2022 21:53

Are they a new group of friends? How did you get to third year and only finding it a problem now? I’d do as suggested above or just drop them. What do you have in common? AFAIK current students are just as penniless as 20 years ago, if not more so.