Hi all,
children are nearly 12 & 7, both have sen, my oldest more so than dd but both have their own additional needs. They get DLA and I get carers.
DH works and earns just about enough for us to survive on, we also get a small amount of child tax credits.
I have worked on and off throughout the years but have found it harder as the children have got older, around their needs, school, appointments etc, school holidays - we have no family support and my own MH issues. So I'm basically just a SAHP/carer.
buy I have a sense of guilt, guilty for being home most of the day. All I do is housework, I have very few friends locally and no hobbies. I feel like I have no purpose. If I do go out, I get guilty thinking I should be home cleaning.
^dh does not make me feel this way. He tells me to relax more and chill out, see friends erc. But it's not that easy. I can't seem to make friends.
The last year or two has been crazy. I've lost a close relative, another relative has attempted suicide a few times and being a parent has been tough.
my oldest has particularly suffered since covid and all the other things going on his life, he is so anxious, we've been dealing with school refusal for the last year, as well as things like extreme behaviour from him, he wasn't sleeping. We were deemed a family in crisis and we've had support worker to get us on track again. Things are better but still not great.
I've been fighting the LA for the right provision and transport arrangements. It's finally somewhat sorted but it's been mentally and physically exhausting getting it all sorted. My MH slipped drastically in the summer. I shut myself away from everyone and everything. I'm just being referred for an autism assessment myself!
I am finally feeling a bit better mentally.
the kids have gone back to school. DS seems to be loving his new school and we've had no refusal to attend so far so hopefully itll
last 🤞 my youngest isn't getting the right support in her mainstream school!
despite being in a far better place than a few months ago.
I feel kinda lost. I've had no time to think over the last year or so. Things are returning to a sense of normal and quietened down but I feel kinda lost, like I have no purpose.
I am sat here thinking what do I need to clean next. All I've done is clean for the last 2 weeks after letting my house slip in the last few months, I'm finally getting my mojo back and it still doesn't feel enough!
I spent a long time shutting myself away, now I can't help feel it would be nice to see some people! I can go days without really seeing anyone except dh and the kids, apart from the odd hello on the school run with Dd.
it doesn't help that I get so much judgment for not working right now. But it's really not that easy. Dh's hours are impossible to work around. He's happy for me to be at home but I feel guilty. I get nasty comments from the in laws saying 'lady of leisure', kept woman' 'it's nice you can just go out whenever you want' 'lazy' 'benefit scrounger' 'on the dole' etc. everything claimed is lawfully - DLa for children that's not means tested anyway, carers and a small amount of tax credits based on dh's income. Dh does not share their views but they always say it when he isn't around.
sorry its so long, I don't really have anyone else to speak to ðŸ˜