Is this just life now?

[PermanentlyWorried]

I'm a consultant. My husband has CP, which doesn't affect him much, but massively impacts on him getting work. He's currently SAHD to our 9 month old. It works, and I generally enjoy what I do, but it's stressful having all of the financial pressures on me.

I've picked up a good new contract, my best ever. It started today. I went to the office for half an hour, heard baby scream, he's fallen and cut his eye. We've spent the morning in A&E getting it sorted, and he's now taken baby shopping while I try and catch up on meetings that I missed.

We were supposed to move into the house last July. Instead it went through in November, we missed the stamp duty cutoff, and there's so much more wrong with it than was before. DH started a load of projects before baby arrived, but we only had 3 weeks, so there's no carpet in half the rooms, half-painted walls, etc. The boiler is ancient and on the blink. The door has warped and doesn't fit. It doesn't feel like home.

My in-laws are exceedingly controlling and hard work; and MIL is currently messaging us both constantly about how much her heart hurts that we've done X, Y, Z wrong. DH tells me to ignore it and he'll deal with them but I'm rubbish at it. I want to run away from them. Even just the idea that they'll be in touch soon and want to see us makes me feel sick. They trigger my PTSD like nothing else.

I just feel absolutely, utterly overwhelmed. Is this just life now? I feel too guilty about the baby falling to concentrate on work but when he's back, I'll be distracted worrying about the work I haven't done. My mind is spiralling.

I should maybe add that I have PTSD, which has been badly flared by a traumatic birth and some insane in-law stuff (like sending flowers from my dead parents), bipolar disorder which is unmedicated, suspected ADHD and an anxiety disorder. But I don't think I've always felt like this.

In-laws can be blocked on your phone as a start

Why didn’t your partner go to a&e?

And as for the inlaws, impossible to comment without knowing more but I’d simply mute. Job done

Have you been diagnosed bipolar?

Hi OP

That's a lot of stuff, and I have some points in common with you including birth PTSD and unmedicated bipolar, although I have recently decided to give lamotrigine another try to help us manage the toddler years.

You've got to stick to the possible. Cut out the in laws for as much time as you need. Explain or don't as you prefer, but you do have to let that be your husband's problem. You can't let the accident phase you. It's terrible and that's young, but it happens as they explore their world. Our son still has a tiny scar on his forehead from one of the first times he headbutted the tiled floor.

You have to find a way to manage the stress of being the sole source of income and that is tough. Just take it slowly and with as much help as you can I ask for, I think, and don't say no to anything a doctor or support practitioner suggests.

It sounds like an awful lot of pressure on you.

Try listing out all the pressures and then systematically removing all of them which are not essential to survival. E.g. "everyone fed and no one dead".

Sounds like you badly need some chill time before you mentally collapse under the pressure.

Longer term I would be looking to dump the house and downsize into something that needs ZERO work. I understand you wanted to make a "forever home" but right now is not the time because the reality is you don't have time, energy or money to get it done and it is nothing but a massive source of stress. So dump it. You can always start again with another house 5-10 years from now. Don't give up on your dreams, simply defer to a more stable future time.

Massive hugs. You can consolidate now and move forward