Paternity lie

[Bestcatmum]

I just did a DNA test and my father isn't my father. I.m in my 60s. I never knew my father as my mother was an unmarried mother. She said he was from a European country and went home. As soon as she to him she was pregnant.
The whole story is clearly a huge made up fantasy.
I am almost 100% English so it can't possibly be true. The DNA test site showed a half brother and a cousin who are English and neither of them will answer my emails.
I'm so angry with her. Why can't she just tell me the truth even if she doesn't know what that is.
I've thought I was someone rather exotic my whole life and its all a lie.
Shes to old to discuss it with. I'm a stranger to myself. I have no idea who I am any more.
It was bad enough for me being raised by a single mother in that era with the stigma and now this.
I have no dreams od meeting this sperm donor I couldn't care less about him but honesty is so important to me and I feel so betrayed.
My mother and I are not close by any means.

Firstly, regarding the emails you sent - were they sent via the Ancestry website? If so, they may not be ignoring you; you only see the messages sent to you if you log on to the correct part of the site.

Secondly, what have you got to lose by asking your mother? I would strongly consider it

Is there any possibility she lied because the truth about your conception is horrendously unpleasant?

Is she too old to speak to about it because she no longer has mental capacity?

Otherwise, I'd just ask.

They are not getting your emails. Guaranteed.

I understand your shock. I'd also really like to learn more in if I were in your position. I do think though that the made up European lineage part was a way to discourage you from ever searching for your father, and I'd be curious as to why that was so important to her. Keep trying to contact bio relatives. Good luck

I'm sorry that this has caused you so much hurt, but I do think that you are over-reacting somewhat. You thought having a "European" father who abandoned your mother was "exotic" and you are upset that he was just a plain English bloke who refused to have anything to do with you?

You are the person you have always been. The sum total of all your experience, skills and knowledge gained over your lifetime. Nothing has actually changed. But if you and your mother are not close anyway, then she is hardly going to be game to have a serious conversation about such matters now, even if she is able to.

And just to point out that she may not have lied to you. Did you perhaps consider that he lied to her? Whatever her issues and faults, whatever you think of her being an unmarried mother (and you clearly blame her for that fact) she is the one who took the hard road and the high ground, keeping and raising a child when your father couldn't be arsed to stand by her. He no doubt promised the earth. Is it so hard to imagine that amongst all of that he also lied about other things?

OP, those DNA test kits are notoriously unreliable. It might not be that your mother has lied, but that she has told you what may well be the truth, and the DNA test result is a load of hocum.

We don’t know the background and full relationship between you and your mother. But unless you have real cause, I.e.: a history of deceitful behaviour, to believe she’s lying, I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion.

Sorry, are you basing this on your mum telling you that your father was European but your Ancestry results telling you that you are 100% English have you been tested against an individual and got a result?

Someone with 100% English genetics could have been living in a different European country and be described as European, just as someone with African or Swedish or French genetics could have been living in England and be described as English.

This old thread seems to have been bumped by a weird advertising bot. Not sure many MNers are going to need to take a paternity lie detector test.