Feelings of hurt and anxiety

[Sundayisworst]

Can anyone talk to me. I don’t know how to deal with my feelings of anxiety.

i know I should be happy. Things are ok. It is my mental health and state of mind to blame. It’s huge sadness.

im so critical of myself and make constant mistakes.

my son and his family came to stay with me and told me I was a huge disappointment. This was after I tried my utmost to welcome them and I was so thrilled to see them. I was told I was unloving a huge let down. I’m so sad that they felt like that. I had done so much to prepare for them and thought I was very loving because that’s definitely how I feel. I love them so much. Clearly things are not as they feel to me. I’ve just been through a huge amount of stress and my adult son thinks I’ve not prioritised his visit to me. I really have done though.

i have a dark gloomy feeling. Sundays are the worst. I’ve always struggled with these thoughts that drag me down and spoil any enjoyment of life.

i have younger children. One needs new shoes today so I need to force myself to go outside.

i feel my finances are not good and I’m managing them badly. People are far worse off than me though.

I feel the children are being let down by my state of mind.

there are so many things.

im trying to stop taking opioid meds after many years. This is going up and down. Then when I take them because I’m trying to to take the edge off my anxiety and be a better more present parent, I feel bad for taking them again.

i feel a let down.

if anyone can read and respond I’d be very grateful.

i had so much energy when I was younger. I suppose that’s true of everyone.

i ruminate constantly. Still heartbroken from decades ago. It’s a spiral.

I’m scrolling mn just to try to find things to take my mind off my own feelings.

can anyone talk to me? I have no one irl that I can chat to.

Anyone at all?

Didn't want to read and run. Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I think you need a medication review - coming off opioids must be hard - are you getting any support with that? You can discuss this with your GP and maybe also look into counselling services in your area. It might help you to come to terms with the past relationship issues you mention.

Adult children can be harsh and perhaps your son doesn't have a great understanding of mental health issues.

Thank you. Yes he is harsh. Says I’m not well etc. but was very nasty. He actually has mental health issues himself. I think he blames me for all of the difficulties.
im not getting help with the opioids. I have a counsellor but I pretend everything is ok

Goodness, that’s so harsh and insulting!
Has he always been like that?

Your son was cruel. That is never a good way to behave. I’m sorry he hurt you.
You sound like you have so much going on and a difficult history that still plays on your mind.
Can I suggest one thing? - please please be honest with your counsellor even though it is very hard to do. That is your best shot at moving forwards and finding some peace and momentum to change the things about life that you don’t like and don’t make you happy. Otherwise it’s wasted time and if it’s an NHS counsellor it will be a limited number of sessions so you need to maximise the benefit. If it’s a private counsellor then it’s wasting your money.

hope the evening feels a bit lighter OP.

I’m not sure if he’s always been like this. Hostile sometimes. But his mental health is not good. And he isn’t close to me anymore. We were extremely close. I’m a single mum. But I’m so saddened that he doesn’t really like me. And I think I must be an awful person. He says I’m incapable of having any normal adult relationships. And that I’m unwell.
i have always idolised him and done everything possible for him. But he feels alone. I’m just so sad about everything.

Thank you. And yes you’re right about the therapy. I only speak to the therapist once every couple of months. She works for a charity. I have told her bits and pieces but I can’t tell anyone about the things that matter. That’s how I feel anyway.

See if your GP can offer you more help. It took me speaking to a councellor about something unrelated before I even realised I had depression and anxiety. With regular counselling and antidepressants I feel like a whole new person.
And if you dont feel like you can speak to your therapist, its ok to find another one who you feel comfortable with.

💐

You sound lovely. You’re Son sounds like a spoilt rotten manchild who should be showing you respect.he should also be owning his own stuff, rather than putting it in to you. I would let him get on with things for now, he can call if he needs you.

I totally agree that you’re badly in need of a mess review. I found CBT and setraline really helpful.

small steps, also do a small nice thing for yourself every day

Thanks so much. It’s hard to keep any perspective as I think I’m deeply flawed.

Hi. I wanted to answer you because you are telling us about your mental health difficulties and how this impacts on the relationship with your son. I do understand. My 5 children are all functioning adults. They seem to be doing well and I guess they love me and feel a level of concern at times about how I am mentally. One of them told me I needed to form more friendships. I felt very hurt as I have been trying ever since I left my marriage to form one or two close friendships. When he said this to me I heard 1. You are useless as you have no friends 2. Stop bothering us with all your chat. I felt utterly worthless.
I don't think my son meant for his words to impact upon me that way. Perhaps your son is young and lacking experience of life? If he were mine I might send him a letter outlining the steps I had taken to prepare for his visit and how much you had wanted it to go well etc
Your mental health is not so good. You feel anxious and you talk about the opioids. I am prescribed Pregablin for my anxiety and also an anti-depressant. I still am struggling and a CPN has started to visit me. Maybe I have Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder as my emotional needs were not met in childhood. So possibly you are a little similar and need to get the right treatment and support in place? I wonder if a referral to your local Community Mental Health Team might help you to get on track. Stress cannot be good for you. I wish you well.

Please, please tell your doctor and counsellor the whole truth. You do not deserve to carry the burden of these feelings, magnified by anxiety, alone. Your younger children need you to be authentic and you need that, too. You need to distance yourself from your older son until you get sorted. You can work on that relationship later. For now it's you and the younger ones. You cannot change the past. Don't try. All you can do is own it, apologize, and move on. You sound wonderfully loving and caring. Please update here. I will keep checking and you can pm me anytime.

You’re so kind both. I really appreciate it

OP, you have raised your son now, he is adult and therefore entirely responsible for his own way or being. I have a lot of 'stuff' from my childhood, we while I have spoken to my parents about some things that I feel hurt me, I know that I can not continue to dump all my own feelings and guilt onto them. I take that to therapy with me mainly. Your son hasn't clocked this yet and is just hurting you. You have choice, always, in how you respond. Firstly you need to start being bluntly honest, or as honest as possible, in therapy. Therapy is where we take the sides of ourself that we can't or won't show to others. The therapist is there as an ally, so let them be one. Also, if you have made a massive effort and your son speaks to you like this, you can simply ask him to leave. Of course you will be sad but you don't have to put up with emotional abuse in your own home. Or anywhere.

Sorry about my spelling mistakes!

What happened during the stay? Your post doesn't actually say why him and his family didn't feel welcome, it's all woe is me.

If you know you need help then please get it and then hopefully you'll feel better and can reconnect with your son. No one can help having mental health problems but they can make the decision whether or not to access professional help

You are worth it. Please keep us posted. ❤️

Just curious how you've managed this past week. Hoping it's been a bit better for you. 💕

You’re so kind to ask. Thank you. I’m generally overwhelmed with life.

Yes, can relate to that myself! Some days better, some worse, some fair to middling. 😊
I hope you're coping, though; finding time for yourself; focusing on LO at home; and giving yourself a break over what you cannot change. ❤️

@Sundayisworst how are you?

Thank you for asking. Pretty awful here. I had a bereavement and last night my youngest child left a note on my pillow calling me a fucking bitch. And other awful things.

What??? That's awful! 🙀
What promoted that?
I'm sorry to hear you're going through so much. 😔