Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Should I be worried about DH

13 replies

sparklecement · 24/09/2022 09:18

Over the last year or so, he has been worrying me. For want of a better word, he wonders around aimlessly while we are getting ready to go out and it’s making us late.

He had to take the kids out this morning to an activity. To leave at 7.45 for a 9 am start. We were all up. Him a little bit later than I would like but he literally arses around getting dressed, making breakfast and then two cups of coffee, one to go. Then when everyone is ready, he needs the toilet. So that means 10 minutes while he is in the bathroom. Then running late. Kids in the car anxious to go, he then can’t find his bank card, have I got it? Queue big conversation about when he had it last which was in the car last night. He’s borrowed mine, then announces he has to go for fuel which he was supposed to do last night to save time this morning. I finally think they are on their way but he comes back from the petrol station (just along the road) as he’s forgotten his coffee and then goes to the toilet again. By this time it’s 8.20 and the kids know they are going to be late. When the kids are worried about being late and we all comment, he just gets a bit irate and for everyone to back off.

Thats just one example. Other times, I shout is everyone ready. Yes, is the response, just waiting on you so I get my jacket or what ever, ready to leave on time and there is DH wandering around saying I’m just going to do something or I need something for whatever our trip out is. It’s driving me mad. I am now planning on telling him to be ready about 30 minutes earlier than we should. He is leaving for work at the very last minute and then during the day I get a pissed off text or a call to say he’s just made it or is late because of the traffic. We live in a notoriously busy area (Queensferry Crossing if anyone is in Scotland) and knows full well how early he must leave. It’s a repeat cycle.

We have been together 22 years this has just been happening in the last year or so. I can’t stand being late or this aimless wandering around making everyone late.

OP posts:
pointythings · 24/09/2022 09:32

How old is he? Because this isn't normal, especially if he hasn't always been like that. I'd be sending him to the GP to be assessed for young onset dementia.

JamesBondOO7 · 24/09/2022 09:51

See GP, possibly a case for CBT.

I forget what the syndrome is called but it where and I did it when i was yonuger, eG, checking everything many times, like turnin off the telly, iron, gas, putting, placing things in a certain way etc

Bottom line, first point of contact GP if he agrees.

Good luck

pointythings · 24/09/2022 09:53

@JamesBondOO7 that would be OCD, which is another possibility. Either way, GP visit needed.

JamesBondOO7 · 24/09/2022 11:26

pointythings · 24/09/2022 09:53

@JamesBondOO7 that would be OCD, which is another possibility. Either way, GP visit needed.

Thank you, OCD it and as I stated you agreed, GP visit.

I recall more recently leaving for work, checking the hair drier to see it was off 14 times then 7.
I would double lock the door and pull the handle down 7 times to see it locks - i let just before 55 yrs of avge now just over 60 and OCD gone

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 24/09/2022 11:40

We had a friend who always did this. Knowing we needed to leave at e.g. 12.30 for lunch somewhere, he’d only start at 12.29 getting his various ‘essential’ belongings together*, slowly finding his jacket, slowly putting his shoes on, having a wee, etc. Meanwhile the rest of us would be waiting and silently fuming.

It wasn’t OCD - he just enjoyed making everybody else wait at his convenience - because he could. Absolutely no use saying anything - water off a duck’s back.
*which all too often didn’t include his wallet - the tight git would have conveniently ‘forgotten’ it when the bill arrived. Happened so many times it turned into a standing joke between me and dh.

I only put up with seeing him at all (he was originally dh’s friend) because I really liked and felt so sorry for his long-suffering wife.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 24/09/2022 11:45

Why does he need 10 minutes in the toilet?

Hotandbothereds · 24/09/2022 11:49

Can you just start leaving without him?

It’s unfair on everyone else who has had the exact same amount of time to be ready to be made late by him.

Hes a grown man, he should understand the basics of what time he needs to get his things together to leave at a certain time.

lovelilies · 24/09/2022 11:50

Tbh if you've ruled out any organic causes (dementia/ MH issues) I'd be tempted to just leave him to it and go on your own.

It dicks me off when people intentionally make you late for things.

hyacinthbouquett · 24/09/2022 11:51

My DH does this. He has ADHD.

Chocolateismyfavourite · 24/09/2022 11:53

Yeah maybe get him checked at the gp, I instantly recognised my step dad in the description and he has Parkinson's Obviously, I'm not saying he has that as there could be many reasons for it, but just wanted to come on and mention as it did Strike a chord with me.

Tangelablue · 24/09/2022 11:59

Might be time for you to learn to drive and leave him at home when the children have to be somewhere.
Encourage him to see his GP.

StarCourt · 24/09/2022 14:00

If you don't drive then it sounds like he is exercising his power over you

sparklecement · 24/09/2022 14:10

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

I do drive. DH did the activity run this time as I had something else to do. I didn't go with them.

I'll speak with DH about this. I do thank you all though.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread