Why am I like this?

[TheWristBoundLatexBitch]

I can't be bothered with a name change. So tonight I'm met up with a friend, we meet a few times a year just to catch up, it's lovely. I like the friendship because there is no commitment. We can go months with zero communication and it's still like we saw each other yesterday. It's an easy friendship.

So why am I awake three hours after I got home, and still processing everything, I just cannot switch off. We didn't have alcohol, it was literally food, soft drinks and a lovely long chat.

I just want to switch off.

Hopefully by the time someone replies I'll have switched off and gone to sleep.

Processing what exactly?

Did you have coke, coffee or tea? I can’t switch off if I have caffeine in the evening.

I go over every conversation in my head and then worry I said something wrong

I had Diet Coke, but I am a Diet Coke addict and caffeine doesn't affect me. I could drink 10 red bulls and still go to sleep (usually)

You can't both be addicted to caffeine and be unaffected by it. Addiction is a negative effect.

Do you do this every time you socialise or is this the first occasion?

I am not addicted to caffeine, I drink ALOT of Diet Coke, but the caffeine does nothing to me. I could drink 10 red bulls and be the same.

Every time

I don't know why you do it, but maybe distract your brain by focussing on something else? Watch something on tv, read a book, play a game... just to quieter your brain, and then maybe you'll drift off to sleep anyway.

This is anxiety OP . It’s what anxiety looks like. I’ve not done this but I have a very good friend who does the exact same after meeting up with friends etc.
she’s on meds now and says it’s so so much better

I actually read a lot already. My kindle is my do to distraction

*go to

It is very unusual to drink a lot of caffeine and not develop a caffeine addiction.

The only way to test that is to stop, of course.

Are you going over it anxiously or just going over it? I have suspected ADD and honestly can't shut my brain up sometimes, it just keeps going over random stuff. So I watch something that isn't super exciting (or I'll stay up for 6 more hours watching the whole series...)

The other thing I try to do, sometimes successfully but not always, is I focus on the word "SLEEP". I very slowly trace every letter, over and over. Every time by brain goes off to something else I superimpose the letter over the thought again. And usually, but slowly, the other thoughts get quieter until they're gone and I can get to sleep. But if the other thoughts are too loud it takes a long time for this to work and I usually give up and just distract myself with my tablet.

Then I would guess either you are an introvert or there is an underlying anxiety.

I do this (although I try not to). I get a real feeling of dread after social interactions even if they have been good. I replay conversations in my head and think about things I've said "wrong" or might have been perceived as "wrong".

For me it's a mix of low self esteem, a history of bullying, ADHD and social anxiety (although I am not usually anxious at the time, just afterwards).

I noticed after my last social interaction that had gone really well that the feeling of dread actually came first, I then found my mind looking for things to connect with that feeling which was interesting. So I tried to just let the feeling sit there and not allow my mind to run away with itself (a mindfulness technique that works well for anxiety).

That definitely helped the feelings pass more quickly. I hope that over time if I do this it will stop happening altogether.

Another I've started doing recently us watching for other people sticking their foot in it or saying something "wrong". Loads of very sociable and popular people do this ALL THE TIME and that's helped me rationalise that if I do fuck up it's likely to be forgotten and forgiven.

Hope that helps a bit. It's a horrible feeling 💐💐💐

I do it, too. As the PP says, a feeling of dread before and rumination afterwards. Social anxiety. I need a post mortem after any social event!

ADHD and anxiety for me too. As soon as I get home to my safe space, I need to replay, process and analyse every conversation and interaction (mine and others') from every angle and then think of better ways I should have handled them and what I will do and say next time in similar situations. It's the same with phone calls. Before they even happen. 5000 possible scripts planned for. It's fun 😭

Oh yes, possible scripts! It’s exhausting. I have ASD which is why mine happens. Hope OP is at rest now. 🌺

I am exactly the same. It's got to the stage where I turn down or dread event invites and events because I'll be awake until 4am going over everything. I also re-read emails I've sent about 15 times after sending them.

What were your parents like with you?