Newly Single parent - support and advice of what I need to know please

[Coopycoops]

So my DP of 22 years recently decided this wasn't working for him anymore FWIW the last 5-6 years have been mixed with 3 deaths of major family members, 2 on my side one on his. he suffered a breakdown which I supported him through, lost his job, which I supported him through and he returned to education, first college, then uni which yep you guessed it I supported him through by taking over all bills etc. there has been a lot of stress and pain, we did separate rooms for quite some time, but well I thought were getting slowly back on track. apparently not. he blurted out after a weekend away that this went working for him at all and he would be looking to move out.

Im flipping between I dont want him to, and well if he thinks so little of me then let him go, and I know I need to be strong right now, I just dont think I have it in me right now.

Its been almost 2 weeks since this bombshell was dropped on me and he now leaves a week tomorrow which I found so quick. he wants to tell ds on sunday.

Where do I even begin, I cant stop panicking. ds is 10 this is his last year including sats and he's about to break his little world. Im self employed but now I need to get apart time job now, how do I manage that, with dropping ds off at school and a huge dog who needs walking twice a day (I do realise people cope like this but the pressure i'm feeling currently isn't making me see straight ao am hoping to receive some wonderful idea how to do all this alone). Ive not eaten in days properly, I have phoned a counsellor and had a phone chat with her, just waiting on an appt. and I went to the dr yesterday to get something to help me sleep.
Im running on anxiety right now and I dont like it.

Thank you for reading so far.

Prepare for there to be another woman.
He will have to pay maintenance and he will have to assist with school runs etc so you can work. My advice is take advantage of the guilt he will feel now to get the best deal financially and with regard to the house etc now before he turns. I’m so sorry - it does get better and you will cope but remember, he is not on your side now, protect your interests

Im already aware there is the possibility of someone else, this centred around a weekend away he had, not called whilst he was away, and when I brought up the fact how he can go away for 3 days and forget he had a child to check in on I had so many other accusations thrown back in my face.

Also his words don't seem to be coming from him, its not my dp speaking to me, he's changed and said some of the most hurtful things this past week.

Yes, I believe it’s called “the script”. I can remember the anxiety, the panic, so well. I’m so sorry. Have you told anyone? Get some good people around you for support. You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to hide 💐

Ive told my mum, brother and my 2 friends. there also so shocked as they never thought he would be so cruel in his words and actions, its just so out of character for him. If I didnt know better i'd think he was having a breakdown but rather than crying and getting upset he is dead set on hating me for some reason.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. You need to apply for child maintenance. What is the situation regarding finances and property ? Are you married? Any joint accounts?

No joint finances, not married just been together for 22 years, house is in his name but I will be taking over the mortgage until i'm in a position of working full time to take over the mortgage in my name solely. he has agreed to this as we bought this cheap from my parents who divorced so there are contracts in place I shall be given first offer if we ever split.

Ive mentioned child maintenance to him he wasn't very forthcoming with an amount. just told me he would be short himself this month to which I laughed at.

So today has woken up and is being super nice to me - I cant figure this out? he's cruel one minute telling me im nothing more to him than the mother of his child, telling me he doesnt see me as anything more than a friend, comparing me to other women he knows saying he has more in common with them.

To today, he woke up asked if I wanted to go for breakfast, I declined anyway, and took ds out instead? Why say the harshest words all week then be nice?

Re mortgage. Why would you pay the mortgage if the house is not in your name? If you have both agreed to this, you really need to speak to a solicitor urgently and get your name on the title.

Re CM, you need to apply formally through the child maintenance service.

@shitfather it would be seen as rent I suppose? id take over the mortgage - its complicated but as it was my mums house originally I do have a stake in it as she signed over the equity to me to use as the deposit, or we wouldn't have got it at all. so although im not on the mortgage, it doesnt benefit me not to pay it as once sold ill receive my share anyway