If you had to be a parent to your teenage self

[Keyansier]

How do you think things would be going at the moment?

I think I'd be a lot mes patient with me than my parents were!

I was very organized, independent, motivated and driven teenager. So I think I'll have it very easy. On the other hand, my dc is a real hard work.

Badly. I was a bit of a rebel.

Sunday morning bump

I'd have been firmer my mum let me get away with murder
I think she just didn't want the hassle

My daughter is nearly 7 going on 17 she's a total nightmare now never mind in 10 years time she is so stroppy it's horrendous

I’d be taking 16yr old me to the family planning clinic, as I know she’s having sex. That didn’t happen of course and I was a parent of 2 month old by my 17th birthday (he’s 29 now!)

I'd have a much higher salary and wider skill set.
I'd have discovered women's hard fought rights at an earlier age.
I'd have been more assertive.

I wouldn’t be living the half life I do now.

Mainly because I would have believed me when I told them of the horrific bullying I endured all the way though school rather than saying “no you aren’t!” or, “well, you must have done something to cause it then.”

I would have encouraged me to be more independent, and to learn to drive before university. I went into the world without some essential skills and whilst, by and large, I've done ok, I could've really flown with the right support.

I'd be much more understanding and grateful that I had a considerate, easy going daughter. And I wouldn't tell her, she's 18 when she was getting into her first ever sexual relationship that it was "dirty and I hope you get Aids"

I'd have been a brilliant mother to teenage me, even though she would have driven me nuts with her tantrums. But I pride myself on being a very loving, supportive and patient mum, and DC often tell me I am, so I would be to her, too. I've worked very hard at becoming good at parenting as I didn't start off with a natural skillset But now, I'd bloody love to have had me as a mother.

Well I wouldn't totally disregard the feelings of my child and impose my will on her to the point if her planning suicide.

I might occasionally listen to her too.

Things would be ok. I could handle parenting teenage me. I was a bit of a wild child though, and seem to have given birth to an even wilder one.

The teenage years have been….interesting. But as the saying goes, ‘you can’t blag a blagger’

A million times better. I learned from my parents what not to do. Every “parenting” decision they made was abuse of one sort or another. At least I was lucky in the sense that it was so unashamedly and clearly abuse that I was never left in the doubting reality state that victims of insidious abuse feel.

I guess I could have been considered a bit on the wild side, but I had so much to rebel against. My DM was so, so strict. It turned me into such a liar and mistress if deceit in order to be able to have some kind of life. So if 16 year old me were my daughter now, I would be encouraging honest and transparent communication.

I would tell her that I loved her and not wait until I was dead before she found out the true reason why felt a coldness towards her sometimes.

My own (now adult),DD is in no doubt how I feel about her and knows that whatever life throws at her I will always be here to support her and guide her for as long as I'm able.

I would have seen that I needed to change secondary and might have suspected bullying

Id have gotten myself on antidepressants and into therapy. I only did it in my later 20s and I could have learnt it all a lot sooner and suffered much less.

I would not leave my child home alone much of the time.
I would not expect my 12 year old to look after her sister, do all the washing, cleaning and cook dinner for everyone.
I would not go out to my drama group / church group / with friends 7 nights a week and not know where my DD was.
I would know where I was at all times.
I would engage with school.
I would take an interest in homework.
I would not let me go out unless it was to a known destination supervised by adults at all times.
I would know if my child was being bullied.

When I had children of my own I did things differently. It wasn't until then that I realised just how appalling my parents were.

I’d build her confidence not tell her she was not the kind of daughter I wanted. I’d let her dress in what she felt comfortable, not what I thought should wear. I wouldn’t tell her she was difficult or challenging. I would make her feel wonderful. And loved. And good enough.

A bit worse I think. I realise now my parents were very tolerantly non-reactive to my tendancy to cry really easily in my early teens (I'm not great when my kids, old enough not to cry at everything, get overly upset about small things).