friend alcoholic and suicidal (trigger)

[forgotmyusername1]

Hi

My dearest friend of 25 years is starting the process of treatment for alcoholism. I knew it was bad but she is now seeking help. It has been deemed too dangerous for her to abstain due to withdrawal symptoms. She is dependent.

She lives alone, her family is hours away and she needs help and support. inpatient treatment is a 6 month wait - she would be dead by then frankly and drug withdrawal a month but she needs someone to stay with her through the treatment. I have offered to stay with her and am hoping some other close friends who know her situation also step up as I have two young kids and can't subject them to this as I imagine it won't be pretty.

Has anyone had a friend or family member go through this who can give me an idea of what to expect. She is getting close to losing her job now and if she does I have no doubt she will kill herself - it is the only thing she has left. I am desperately sad for my lovely friend. This started when her parents died and lockdown made it worse. She is drinking a litre of spirits a day.

Can you get her to an AA meeting? If you call the AA helpline, you will get some fantastic advise.

All the best OP. It's a tough journey. I hope she gets the help she deserves

she has started going to a weekly meeting. She took the decision to start the process herself to get help which is great - she knows full well the problem but she can't stop drinking as it is dangerous but there is a delay for treatment. Vicious cycle really

Can she go to the nearest A&E. If she is suicidal they could section her and begin withdrawal.

while she says she has suicidal thoughts I don't think she is at the point of acting yet - losing her job would I feel move it to that point

Has she had advice on how to cut down slowly (rather than suddenly stopping)?

You are a kind friend.

Make sure that you have solid back-up yourself and remember that although you might be able to help/support your friend in practical ways, you are not responsible for her progress.

She must be (and take) responsibility - it is part of the whole recovery.

The treatment service in your area should be able to provide an ambulatory detox for her using diazepam or librium and monitor her every day. In reality she will be well managed with medication to stop the physical withdrawal however she will be psychologically withdrawing and this will be what she needs support with. She will have to get through all her trigger points which might be things such as after dinner, before bed etc. If you work with her to review her day to identify those times that she normally would reach for a drink, then you can plan distractions such as going for a walk or washing up or anything else that gets her through that moment.

My best advice is this: she doesn't need to immediately commit to never drinking again, or even not drinking this month or this week. She just needs to get through the next period of time, be that 10 mins or 30 mins. If she still wants a drink after that, then she can commit to the next 10 mins. If she gets through that then she's proved she can do 20 mins so do another 20 mins. And so on. Sometimes, if you say "that's it, you can never drink again" it can make it seem too scary. Break it down. Make it doable.

Seek out support such as mutual aid, not just AA, there are SMART recovery groups and other peer led services. AA doesn't suit everyone.

If you let me know which area you are in I can see what I can find.

Also, in reality inpatient treatment is very over subscribed so a community (ambulatoryl detox will be quicker and available almost immediately

Thanks

it is the community detox we are waiting for - apparently it will be about a month before she can start that.

We are in west sussex in the worthing area

It sounds like she needs to do something now. She has a better chance of keeping her job if she gets help now and explains what is going on.

Is there anyway at all she can afford to do a private detox?

stopping the drink via Librium for a week will, of course, help. But it won’t deal with the sudden rush of emotions she is going to feel having numbed them for so long. It is not as expensive as you may think, though appreciate could be out of reach.

There are Smart recovery meetings nearly everyday in Brighton and Hove you can check this out here: www.smartrecovery.org.uk

She can also do meetings online here: www.intherooms.com they offer online meetings both 12 step (AA) as well as non 12 step and wellness sessions

she is already going to a weekly meeting. It is the at home detox with controlled withdrawal she is waiting for

A weekly meeting isn't enough imo. When I detoxed I was doing online meetings 3 or 4 times a day. There's also a 24-hour rolling international meeting online which she can dip in and out of.

Expect the first 3-4 days to be bad but after that things should start to ease for her in terms of symptoms. Has she ever gone cold turkey before though? If not you need to be aware of the possibility of serious side effects eg seizures.

You can't go cold turkey from a litre, incredibly stupid. She could start to taper?

She can't go cold turkey. She has been told she is at risk of seizure. At the moment she doesn't drink during the day but binges until she passes out in the evening. She has been told to try drinking more regularly but smaller amounts. We are waiting for the drug withdrawal treatment.

I have spoken to another of her friends who knows the situation and we are going to try and help her between us so it isn't all on one person. Her brother may also be able to come down for a few days so I think we can cover her detox week but it will be beyond that as she lives on her own so this will require a lot of willpower on her part to conquer this but if she doesn't she will die. I will look up other groups and see if she can do something more regularly while waiting for the detox treatment to try and reduce her drinking.

It's really good that you are supportive. I am alcoholic, recovered 7 years in November. When I was at my worst I had no support at home and was in a dreadful state at home trying to care for a very young dog. I was suicidal on more than one occasion and admitted to hospital for detox and after care for my depression. If she is actively expressing suicidal intents you should certainly call for help. Unfortunately the upcoming community detox may not be the one that does the trick. I hope it is.

Please, please, please don't tell your friend to go cold turkey. This can be extremely dangerous and even fatal.

You sound like a wonderful friend.

I just wanted to echo what others on here have said; a weekly meeting is nowhere near enough. There are online options if your friend needs them, but they need to be going much more frequently. Do they have a sponsor?

I'd reccomend contacting al-anon before you do this. They will explain to you the realities of the process. All I can say is to expect a lot of lies and a lot of disappointment. Sadly alcoholics are rarely success on their first try to stop and out patient makes it even less likely to succeed. Go in with very low expectations

You could have a look for any charities that support people from her profession - with some jobs there may be specific help available from those.