How do you handle this re Christmas presents

[Cara87]

My youngest has a really close friend at school and she spends a lot of time at our house. They hang out together all the time. I’m friendly with her mum as well. They are lovely although I don’t know them hugely well.

i love to give presents. I want to get the friend a little Christmas gift (and maybe a bottle of wine for her mum). Genuinely could not give a shit about getting anything back but at the same time I don’t want to give gifts and put them on the spot about reciprocating, or make something them embarrassed etc.

I am a bit socially awkward/crap to be honest. What is the etiquette here?

Make them feel. No idea where something came from

Hi, in this sort of scenario I would probably wait until as close to Christmas as possible before maybe popping the gifts under their tree. This way it leaves them little chance to hurriedly panic buy / feel like they need to return the gesture.
I'd probably say something like "father Christmas left these at our house by mistake" or something similar.
I too love to buy gifts and hate making anyone feel awkward or on the spot about having to reciprocate. Hope this idea helps 😊

Could you also send a note in a card for the mum saying something like

Merry Christmas, DC has really enjoyed having your DC around this year etc etc

Ps. please don't worry about getting us anything in return :)

Do you know she drinks? I don't and hate receiving wine as a present, just clutters the house up!

I wouldn’t. No matter what you say, the mum will feel that she has to reciprocate.

I wouldn't or if at all give the child a chocolate santa. Or if your child loves craft do a small ornament like salt dough and give one piece away.

We do gifts between friends but that was mutually agreed. I would feel awkward receiving something when not really expecting it.

I've had this numerous times and I absolutely hate it.

Leaving it as close to Christmas as you can is also horrible advice, it just means they can't do a mad dash and will be left feeling like shit.

Could you mention that you plan to get them a little something now? That gives them plenty of time to get sorted out.

This.
every year.
then kids birthdays
then your birthdays
then wedding anniversary

A tiny little chocolate item homemade cake or mince pies or similar that you give directly to the child is ok but for me thinking I was adding someone else on to my Xmas obligation list would be a bummer . And she will feel she has to reciprocate.
And then next year or year after or if the kids are no longer close.
It's nice, maybe take the kids to the pictures or something instead

Ok thanks this is good. I’ll just leave it then.

Home made gift Is fine

Oh don’t, OP. I’ve had this and no matter how you present it, it will still feel unequal and awkward to the other side. Different if it was a one-off thank you present for something.

No don't 🙈 just creates gift giving obligation. Max a choc Santa (small) or little homemade Xmas themed cupcake from your child.

Definitely not anything for the mum.