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Parenting your mother

1 reply

drivinmecrazy · 21/09/2022 21:38

I don't really know where to begin with this but I'll try and find a beginning.
My mum is almost 80, living in spain.
She has major issues with her mobility. She's had several operations over the past few years that have not been successful.

Fortunately I don't work so have been able to be here through all her operations and recuperations, often leaving my children and husband in U.K. if they have had school/ university.

I have an older brother who has not seen our mother in 12 years. No money concerns, he just cannot be bothered with her. He will ring her once a week if he's not too busy.

So essentially we have an ageing mother for whom I constantly put my life on pause for. Because i do this he does nothing.

Don't know if I can or want to do this anymore.

I've tried to talk to him about it but her does not want to know.

I guess I'm not being clear at all. But I'm here now in Spain dealing with her shit and , again, it's just becoming overwhelming.

I can share with DH but his mum is the same age and has issues. She lives a couple of hours from us and his brother is in Australia, so again his mothers care falls upon us.

I feel like just sitting down and crying at the injustice of it all.

Why must we bare this weight when our brothers do as they please??

I am aware I'm rambling. I'm currently sitting on my mums veranda on a warm balmy night after much vodka, well earned after several medical consults.

Just trying not to feel too sorry for myself 😞

OP posts:
MoreHairyThanScary · 21/09/2022 22:02

You can't change other peoples actions only your own.

Your mother's decision to live so far away has consequences for you, I think I would sit down with your mum and say you are at breaking point this can't go on and something needs to change, she either employs someone to do the care that you are providing, or she moves closer to you.

It is not fair that your life and your children's childhoods are passing by whilst you sort out your mum.

Your husband can have a similar conversation with his mother.

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