When DO you stop lurching from phase to phase with kids?

[Ostryga]

When Dd was 2 I kept saying it’ll be better when she can talk and will tell me what’s up instead of screaming in my face. Ha ha ha how wrong I was.

Then it was 3 and not being able to walk more than a meter in public without having a full blown tantrum because I didn’t stop to look at a leaf/slug/stick/dog/puddle long enough.

In fairness 4 wasn’t too bad, or I’ve blocked it out of my memory.

Now in the midst of a five year old and my god. She’s got an answer for everything, if I ask her (nicely!) to do something 20 times and then do it myself anyway it’s a good morning.

Please tell me they start listening and actually doing said activity at some point?! I just want maybe a year of lovely child where everything isn’t a battle before the teenage years start up.

And before anyone kicks off this is lighthearted and I do love my daughter tons

Haha, you don't in my experience! Maybe a brief period around age 6. Once DC got to 8/9 I started to think "I can't wait for them to start secondary school so I don't have to do the bloody school run any more." Then it was "can't wait for when they're old enough to be at home alone for a bit so I can go to the gym/for a coffee."

DC is 14 now and we're in the moody teen phase, the stress of GCSEs will be starting soon. Can't wait until they're an adult 😂

This is mostly light hearted, I've enjoyed all the phases but we always focus on the bad! 😂

They’re quite nice between 8-11.

Mine are 29 and 32 - still lurching. But lurching less frequently.

Nope it’s all hard work 😂

When they get to OAP age they tend to start to be a bit more predictable

Nope.

I have teens and I would pay you to be able to have five year olds again.

She's not going to start listening and doing as she's told if she knows you will do it for her.

Missing point of thread.

When they leave home.....

This thread is making me laugh this morning 😂 it’s so honest & true, mine are 21 & 19 and yes still lurching, the issues just change as they get older. I know I am probably guilty of looking at back through rose tinted glasses, but yes I would say the issues when they are little are more manageable tbh.

I found my DS was quite nice between 9-11 ish and my DD 7-9ish, were now into preteens and teens. They stage is just ‘delightful’.

Its hard, it’s all hard.

I think the 8-11 comment is very possible. I have a soon to be 10 year old and eight was definitely the age he became much calmer. I have a smaller one and have everything crossed the same happens again 😬

It's been more gradual than lurching for us, but this summer has been hard with a two year gap, GCSEs and A levels then one going to uni and one to college. The challenges change but there's always something. It sort of balances out, one challenge goes and another appears. We have got through teenagehood fairly unscathed so far though and my goodness its brilliant when you can just leave them at home and go out.

I think 8-11 is a bit of a calm gap too, but to be honest mine have stayed fairly calm from then onwards. They are very mellow teens.

Age 9 is being a bit tricky here - oh the attitude! And the tussles over pocket money, independence - wanting to go to the park alone - and not tidying his room. I’m hoping 10 calms down a bit before we get into more tussles about wanting a mobile phone for high school!

But seriously, pre age 7 it felt like constant growth spurts and phases and barely getting a chance to get used to one before we were into the next. After that it’s been a bit more mellow!

I think between about 6 and 9 is nice. Old enough to be independent dress / toilet / feeding wise but young enough to still need you for lots of things. They want to go and see a castle or a zoo or a museum even, they'll do the kids trail handout when you're there, they have an understanding of why sometimes it's simply not physically possible to do x which reduces trantrums. But early teens now am definitely back in the trenches 😟

Early teens is tough - not my own kids but other peoples vile offspring being monstrous

I found the older primary school years were nice although I also refer to them as the 'club years' as dd had a lot of clubs on the go.

It all goes to shit when they start secondary though 😉

They don’t all turn into shits at secondary - mine are years 10 & 11 and still lovely. It’s not a given that all teens are horrible.

Quite frankly at 18 and 20 they are still bloody hard work. Just different.

There's a sweet spot in mid-late primary school then they turn into energy sucking shits again, for exactly how long I don't know, still going at 18.

I found 6-9 easier in the way that DD was getting quite independent and was fun to be around. Not into anything expensive, happy to come along to anything we proposed.

Pre-teen - friendship drama starts and after that they may not need to for practical things anymore but emotionally they are a lot of work. But it's also rewarding seeing them growing up and make their way, it feels like "yes, I did something right at one point".

I wasn't suggesting my dd was a shit but more that parenting becomes more challenging again as puberty sets in. The easiness of being a child and having fairly simple needs is replaced by issues such as phones, social media, caring about appearance, caring what other people think, insecurities, academic stress, bodies changing, boyfriends, sex, sexuality, friendships etc etc

I can't imagine many parents manage to fly through the teen years without encountering at least some of these issues.

We've managed to come through most of that fairly unscathed so far (16 and 18) but recognise that there is still plenty of time for some of these issues to rear their heads.

Future new baby cards …
‘Congratulations on your new enter sucking shit’ 😁