Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Who was in the wrong here ?

8 replies

155ninjas · 21/09/2022 08:42

For context dp has a long standing issue with getting involved in any difficult parenting - so much so that I’d said to him if he won’t get involved then I will deal with things my way. So I have. It is the one big issue in our relationship as he actively avoids it.

dd is 15. Usually goes to school absolutely fine , last night had stomach ache and this morning really didn’t feel well (she suffers with period pains). We were having a conversation and dp was in the same room and I said to dd it was up to her what she did about school - only she knows how bad she feels and if she felt she couldn’t manage the walk there and back plus the day then it was fine to have a day off. I did then say if she thought perhaps it was just the walk that dp could drop her off on his way into the office - he said ‘no actually I can’t ! It’s out of my way by 10 mins!’ so I said to dd ok fine well you decide how you feel just let me know.

dp heard all of this and didn’t disagree at the time or say anything except no to a lift !

15 mins later he storms into the conservatory saying dd hasn’t left for school and is actually in regular clothes and said she isn’t going and it’s my fault for being too lenient when she should have been told there was no choice and to go to school. I explained that he doesn’t deal with parenting issues so im unsure why he’s getting involved now plus he was in the room when I was talking to her so he could have had some input then if he had wanted to - but the main point was that I feel dd can make her own choice about her body and how she feels and if she was ok to go or not. She is responsible and sensible and I don’t think going forward will now abuse this privilege.

He’s now stormed out to work and I’m just left feeling very irritated as I think I had the correct approach ??

OP posts:
Hearthnhome · 21/09/2022 08:51

Him opting out of parenting is unacceptable. It’s ridiculous.

I am going to guess he is annoyed that you decided he was giving her a lift. That’s wound him up. But I agree on how you handled it with dd, assuming she doesn’t have a lot of time off.

He shouldn’t have got involved. Since he opted out. I don’t even know how that works.

But I would be annoyed at dp saying I will take one of the kids as I am getting ready to leave the house and have to go out of my way. But I would have said ‘oh really will I? Perhaps if someone asks me, I might be able to oblige’ unless I really couldn’t fit in. Then it would have been ‘No, I don’t have time and can you ask next time and not offer lifts on my behalf’ and left it at that.

Is it something you do a lot? Offer his services without asking? Dp doesn’t do this to me so a one off wouldn’t bother me, I would make a joke out of it.

I do get him being annoyed at you deciding he has time to give a lift.

But overall I cant have much sympathy for someone who thinks that opting out of parenting is ok. Or, tbh, someone who is being fine with that, then surprised their partner is an arse sometimes.

The set up sounds like it’s destined to have these sorts of issues.

155ninjas · 21/09/2022 08:53

I don’t want him to opt out but he just refuses to get involved and I got sick of trying to deal with the dc and simultaneously begging him to help so I told him fine I’ll deal with it but you then lose the right to disagree with decisions if you refuse to be involved. It’s been a real issue

OP posts:
155ninjas · 21/09/2022 08:54

I’ve never actually offered for him to give a lift before it just popped into my kind that maybe the walk was bothering dd so it could be a help

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Elfblossom · 27/02/2023 00:28

I suggest getting hold of a tens machine and let him experience what period pain feels like ...

FictionalCharacter · 27/02/2023 02:12

Elfblossom · 27/02/2023 00:28

I suggest getting hold of a tens machine and let him experience what period pain feels like ...

Unless he has a uterus he’ll never know what period pain feels like.

@155ninjas He’s wrong both for opting out and storming off.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/02/2023 02:16

I would say it is up to her, but don't offer lifts on behalf of someone else

So you are mostly NBU but a little bit BU

Elfblossom · 27/02/2023 10:07

Not sure if you're a TERF, a pedant or if you haven't seen the many videos on YouTube or TIKTOK of guys getting to experience 'period pain' to see what 'kind of' thing... 'uterus havers' go through.

BevMarsh · 27/02/2023 10:13

DD being off school has no impact on him whatsoever and he can't just pick and choose when to involve himself in family life.
Whatever your approach he's got a nerve sharing his opinion if he has the day -to-day luxury of not having to give a shit.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page