Christmas presents when we are the only adults with children?

[User47484739478474]

Hi all,

it's got to the point I need to start thinking about Christmas - and dreading it tbh due to cost of living. I usually start early for our two dc but instead I've been putting money back here and there. as I no longer have the space to buy early and store. I will get it all in one go in October or November. Never done it this way before! Usually have presents stored away from July-August.

we are the only adults with children in both our families.

anyway, family gifts.

myself and Dp both have our mums, their husbands (neither of us have ever known our dads side no buying there!). I'm hoping our mums will understand we won't be able to afford to buy much, if anything for them and their partners.

we also both have 3 younger siblings, we are the oldest in our sibling groups with big age gaps. When we first met most of of our siblings were fairly young young (teens) so we've always bought them gifts.

They are all now adults ranging from 19-early 30's. 6 of them to buy gifts for. Some buy gifts for our dc, some don't, we don't expect it but rather than just buying gifts for the ones who buy for dc we just buy something for them all but it's quite costly.

would you say we won't buying gifts this year as are struggling for money, not we do expect them to buy dc - we never have. None of them are struggling for money, mostly living at home rent free but we are struggling!

or does it just sound awful not to buy anything?

secret Santa not an option as don't always seem everyone at the same time under the same roof.

also, our siblings have lots bought for them from our mothers whereas we don't get anything from our mothers as they buy for dc instead.

wwyd?

Me and my sisters agreed last year that we wouldn’t be buying presents for each other and partners like we usually do. Bit different from you as we all have kids so all bought each other’s children something. Then we chipped in to get my mother a nice present between us. I will be suggesting the same this year. I believe that Christmas is for kids really.

Absolutely, do not buy anything! They are grown adults who don’t need presents and should be able to understand the situation. So many people stress and get into more debt all because they want to “make it special, because it’s Christmas”. It should be a nice time of the year for you, instead of worrying about the money for presents for grown ass adults. Just tell them no presents this year. And that’s it.

Adults don't need gifts and I'd have thought most people would understand the financial climate currently. I'd not think anything of it at all if someone sent a message letting me know they're foregoing gifts this year as a heads up and would appreciate the advanced notice.

This isn't necessary either and certainly there should be no pressure if it isn't financially feasible but last year we sent a message out to most people we used to buy for just saying we'd decided to stop doing gifts and would be donating a shop to the Foodbank instead, ditto any recipients ofChristmas cards that couldn't be dropped of locally.

I like Christmas and we still do small wrapped presents at home for ourselves on the day and I do still do a gift exchange on an annual with my best friend but that is all, everything else was just getting out of hand and obscene. I would rather direct money towards something charitable than on gifts nobody probably really needs or wants or dozens of stamps for cards. Nobody should consider going short at home in order to buy others gifts or keep up appearances and I would hate anyone to do that in pursuit of my benefit.

The only exceptions we make for sending cards or the odd gift are elderly relatives we aren't local to or those we know who live alone who might otherwise not receive anything. That feels important but everything else feels silly.

Thanks all. It's nice to know I don't seem like a Scrooge. Dp is early 40's, me in my thirties , most of our siblings (apart from 2) are a lot younger and at totally different life stages to us. It's hard to know what to do!

Say no to buying gifts. I only have two sisters and one niece so I do buy for them - none of us have partners. I have two older teens.
I send a bouquet to my only living in law (I'm a widow, her eldest son was my husband), and my parents are dead.
If I am visiting anyone over the holidays I do bring a gift, like a cook book or something. But otherwise no - not even my bestie!

Only spend money you can afford having paid your bills and having money left over in the bank to pay rent etc

Could you not get a hamper of treats and take that for the day? Present for all in attendance and help with the cost of entertaining? Maybe a bunch of flowers for the cook?

It's a good idea but we don't tend to all be in the same place at once. Myself, dp and dc tend to spend Christmas Day at home just the 4 of us, it works for us and less stress and did this year...

partners mum and family are away for Christmas.

my mum already has a house full so will not go over there!

we tend to do visits a few days before!

Do they buy for each other?
If they do I'd suggest a secret Santa.

If they don't I'd be very clear now that money is tight and your cutting back so only buying for your own kids this year. And not to buy you or kids anything.

I also agree that adults don't need gifts . Christmas is for children. Once we had children us siblings never bought each other anything. We do have a family secret santa but that can be opted in or out of each year . I imagine a few will opt out this year .

I imagine so, don't usually see them Christmas morning.

scret Santa won't really work as often not all in the same place, particular in laws who sometimes go away!

I think it’s fine to say you aren’t buying for them, years ago I stopped buying for everyone except my own DC and my parents and it has worked really well.

Do secret Santa each buys one gift at agreed price , people can give requests. Doesn’t matter if they are away theirs can be given early or late.