MIL

[MummyIsJustDoingThis]

MIL only looks after ds once a week and, although very grateful, it’s making me uneasy. Her and FIL don’t listen to guidelines and, when we’ve picked him up, he’s been outside (on the front garden) in his pushchair, alone. He’s not even been out for a walk and left outside to continue sleeping! Just put in the pushchair and expected to sleep.
I understand that 40 years ago that was acceptable, but times have changed and, in my opinion, that’s not okay. Not even in the bloody back garden!
I’ve told dh to speak to them but so far, it’s not happening. I will say something if he doesn’t but what’s the best way? If I were to cause an atmosphere, I’m not really sure I’d care!
Main reason for the post is to see if anyone else experiences this!

I’ve told dh to speak to them but so far, it’s not happening.

Why is it not happening? Is this to do with family dynamics? It's one of the following:

DH can't be arsed and doesn't see the problem. You need to spell out to him exactly why this isn't OK.

DH has been conditioned to think that Mummy is always right, can't possibly ever be wrong. It'll take a long time to defeat that attitude and it may well never happen.

DH knows his mother will kick off and doesn't want to be on the end of it. Why would you be leaving DC with someone like that?

Which one it is would determine the best way to go about it.

You’re absolutely right! Him and his sisters seem to be under some sort of spell by this matriarch. I know he won’t say anything so it’ll be me. By the way, I’m fine with that. The only issue is he’ll hate it and he’ll get the backlash from us sisters. They’re like a witches coven and are all so powerless over this absolute dick of a woman.
There have been instances of him (ds) not being taken from his car seat after being dropped off. Every gathering is painful and as I get older, my tolerance is getting lower!!

And let me guess, she puts it about that she's grandmother of the year.

I think you're stuck. Based on what you've just written she won't listen whatever you say, whether it's tactful and diplomatic or full on don't do that to my DC. It's her way or the highway.

I suspect from your last sentence - Every gathering is painful and as I get older, my tolerance is getting lower!! - that you've put up with a lot so as not to make it awkward for DH. This time you're ging to have to put him on the spot. It sounds like DS is only little, and it can't be good for him just laying there and no interaction. If there's any way it's possible can you put him in nursery? You could do it under cover of 'socialisation' so that it isn't quite so harsh. Otherwise you're going to have to find another way of providing childcare, and you (and DH) are going to have to take the flak. The sooner you break the pattern, the less damage she can do.

You’ve got it all spot on! She used to look after our other son who’s now almost a teen and they have no bond at all. You’re absolutely right about the grandparent thing - born to be a granny, apparently!
If it isn’t sorted ready for the next stat, it won’t happen. My dh and his sisters are so used to pleasing this woman that I know this will never come to a head. It’ll just be being an arse. Hearing from other mums here, at least I know I’m in the right! Thank you!!