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SIL sending me pics

8 replies

vipersnest1 · 17/09/2022 21:28

It's a long one, sorry, but I don't want to drip feed:

How do I react to this?
DBro and DSis have lived overseas for a long time (long before DDad died and DM became very frail).
I'm very stressed - DM has been in hospital recently for a week (and now has an ulcer on top of her severe respiratory condition. The ulcer is a whole other thread...).
DM had realised that she can no longer cope on her own a while ago (we had previously looked into housing with care, and then care homes) and so she is going into a care home she had chosen quite soon. (I have another thread about the care home thing).
I'm trying to support DM who is terribly upset at the thought of losing her independence, despite knowing she needs help and support (which I can't give her - I've only just returned to full-time work after 8 1/2 months off).
Meanwhile, DBro has recently bought a boat (he and his wife live near a lake), and SIL has just sent me a stream of them all (including DSis and her husband) having a good time, which I don't begrudge them.
But, although I'm back at work now, I have a multitude of health issues I'm dealing with, some related to why I was off, some not, including neurological problems, pain and fatigue, and bowel issues which are being dealt with by colorectal at the moment, but also involves gynae stuff.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable (I didn't post in AIBU deliberately), but is this not a bit thoughtless given my situation?
I'm bemused to think that she feels it appropriate, with all of the things that I'm dealing with at the moment.
SIL isn't known to be empathetic, but I'm wondering if this is stepping over the line.
I'd appreciate any thoughts on this (as long as folks don't come along just to hand me my arse on a plate).
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
catmg · 17/09/2022 21:32

Yeah it's at best thoughtless.

Sorry you're having such a tough time.

Maybe a polite response to your SIL just telling her how your day/ weeks gone (in response to her fun photos of her own) might make her realise she's been thoughtless here.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 17/09/2022 21:36

You’re not wrong.

if this is on WhatsApp, I’d just mute the chat for a week or something. Let her mention to your brother that you haven’t responded and see if he calls you.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/09/2022 21:37

It’s a bit thoughtless but doesn’t sound like it’s intended to goad

I’d just be blunt and say - looks great. Things are fairly shit here with x, y, .z so I’m probably not as appreciative as I would be otherwise, but I’m delighted you got it. Speak soon etc

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jalepenojello · 17/09/2022 21:42

It would rub me up the wrong way too.
I just wouldn’t reply. They’re obviously worlds apart from what you’re going through right now and it’s tough. Obviously they aren’t intending to be malicious but it’s still hurtful

vipersnest1 · 17/09/2022 21:42

Thanks, @catmg, @ChiefWiggumsBoy and @Luredbyapomegranate.
I have replied, saying 'It looks like you're having a good time!'
@Luredbyapomegranate, I don't think it's intended to goad, but nevertheless she hasn't thought about how I'm feeling at the moment.

OP posts:
vipersnest1 · 17/09/2022 22:00

@Jalepenojello, X-post, sorry! The worlds away comment just about sums it up.

OP posts:
catandcoffee · 17/09/2022 22:24

I'd just not reply or reply days later.

Apologies for late reply , as you were busy sorting DM care home out,or her Hospital care ect. 😉

vipersnest1 · 17/09/2022 22:57

@catandcoffee, I've already replied (it's the 'fixer' in me, as I've already been told by a mental health peer supporter).
I sent a fairly positive message and have heard no more.
I'm still very bemused as to how the hell I deal with this level of lack of empathy.

OP posts:
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