Friend is TTC - I don’t want to say the wrong thing

[Bunny2021]

My best friend has been TTC for six months. She’s just had another negative test and has admitted that she’s struggling.

They’ve been to see a fertility specialist and all is fine. She was on the pill for years and the doctor said don’t count the first 3 months because of this.

I don’t have experience of this as we got very lucky and I fell pregnant first time, first cycle and I know she thought it would be easy for them.

I need to respond to her text telling me about her negative result and that she’s struggling but I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I’ve had lots of friends that it’s taken much longer but I don’t think that’s a helpful thing to say and I’m terrified of making things worse and also don’t want to give false hope.

After such a short amount of time, and no fertility problems found, I wouldn't worry too much about saying the wrong thing I don't think. I'd just ask if there's anything you can do to help/get her out/meet for a coffee/take her mind off it.

I have lots of sympathy for people struggling after trying for years/having had losses/fertility problems, but it can take up to two years to fall pregnant for a healthy couple and sadly it's just taking her a little longer than some.

Just don't tell her to relax, or that she hasn't been trying 'that long'. Just sympathise, every month feels like a lifetime when TTC and her feelings are valid. Just say you're sorry she's struggling, acknowledge it must be hard etc etc

I think the whole ‘it will happen’ thing must be so annoying but is also true because it most likely will happen in time and is just a waiting game but really hard at the time. I don’t know if there is a right thing to say other than to just ask how she’s feeling etc. my friend had multiple miscarriages while I was pregnant and it was so difficult when he was born. I felt awkward and almost wanted to hide him from her. She now has a little one and all worked out in the end

Don’t tell her anything, she doesn’t need platitudes, she just needs someone to listen. If she says it’s crap then mirror that and say it’s crap. I second the suggestion to offer to take her out for coffee.

You sound like a lovely friend for asking by the way!

Don’t reassure her or tell her about other people’s experiences. Just say you’re so sorry she’s going through this.

Please don't give false platitudes or reassurances. Agree that it's crap and just listen.