I don’t know what else to do

[Exhaustedfromthis]

I would like anyones advice, experience please!

My mother was an alcoholic and mentally unwell but a good person. I’m one of four, very stained relationships. My elder sister always spiteful and frankly we would be a bit scared of her and pacify her. My mum sold her house, moved, covid hit. She grew extremely depressed hit the bottle. She was mile’s away, isolated. In this time my elder sister who was never close with mum started to groom her. Mum had money after buying new house. My sister constantly asked for money, we tried to warn mum. Last year she convinced mum to sell and move to hers. Mum wasn’t allowed tell anyone but cracked and told me. I begged her not to to no avail. Long story mum sold house, moved to sisters. Sister got mum paralytic made her write cheque. Cheque book shows multiple stumps were mum was so drunk couldn’t actually write it. Cheque was paid into a brand new account in my niece name. My sister on benefits didn’t want to fuck her means tested benefits. They forced mum to bank to pay cheque. They kept mum locked in a room, mum dropped to 6 stone. My brother, sister were not allowed see her. 7 weeks later mum attempted suicide and they slung her out.

She came to me, I called police, mum snuck out tried to jump infront of a train. I had to section mum. We begged out sister for mums money to get her a home. She refused said she deserves it. We have solicitors, I managed to get money frozen as I told the bank they failed compliance and safeguarding. £9k was spent in 5 weeks. A 6 figure remains.

police were shit, didn’t want our evidence of elder, financial abuse. Mum was in secure hospital for months. They interviewed my sister and daughter. Said NFA a civil matter. They didn’t even get mums medical records. I’m complained, still ongoing.

my sister texts us, harassing us as money frozen till civil case. Today she posted some absolutely horrific posts of Facebook about me and my brother. I have no social media but a friend see and sent me screenshots.

Iv reported to police, I deal with mums medical appointments, trying to get housing for her. I’m sleeping on the sofa so she can have my bed. My kids are suffering. Iv begged police, Iv contacted MP. I don’t know what else to do???

The Facebook posts were absolutely vile, I’m exhausted and depressed from this.

Iv tried to get adult social worker nothing. I truly don’t know how more I can take.

only blessing is mum is 7 months sober, she feels so guilty and ashamed. I tell her every day she was a victim but it’s so hard

Contact a charity that specialises in elder abuse?

www.nia.nih.gov/health/elder-abuse

Iv tried, Iv tried police, we have a solicitor. Mums under mental health team. Iv been to MP. I’m tired trying to keep the positive.

it is disgusting and I never knew how poorly elderly people are treated. I’m past it’s my sister. But I know my mum is grieving for her daughter and grandkids

Find some support groups for ex addicts to help your mum's self esteem and to come to terms with her own part in what happened. Yes she's a victim of your sister, but also wouldn't have happened if she wasn't alcoholic. She needs to come to terms with it all.

Housing you've no chance really, she's adequately housed. They won't care you're on the sofa. Only chance of her getting council flat is if she's officially homeless, meaning you need to officially give her notice to leave if you're going down that route. She can't stay at yours until she gets a flat, she'd have to accept whatever hostel place etc they give her as temporary accommodation or else she's not homeless and they have no duty to house her.

The situation with the police might exclude her from claiming benefits because of the deliberate deprivation of assets rules, as the police aren't currently accepting she's a victim of crime. So it might be a case of helping her get into a situation where she's fit for work if that's going to be her only way of getting an income to pay rent etc.

Is she still suicidal or depressed or whatever made her become alcoholic? Get help with that if she is, antidepressants, therapy, whatever is needed. Is she having any support from alcohol services, any aftercare now she's sober or anything like that? I don't know how those services work but people often do relapse, so I'm guessing some ongoing support may be needed from somewhere.

If sis is threatening you go to police. Not much else you can do. Other than go no contact with her.

Stay off Facebook. Depends what she's posting and if it could form any sort of evidence for you civil claim. If you don't need to see it for that reason then ask friends not to mention it to you.

"Tired of trying to keep the positive"

Are you in a carer role with this situation OP? Contact a charity for carers, to get support for you if you are.

Your DC have to come first above your mum's well-being. I know that's unfortunate for your mum and might lead to some tough choices. Don't let your DC suffer. None of this is their fault.

If this situation is affecting you so you can't cope (but won't walk away) and you need help for your mental health, seek that.

If your mum is disabled by this, PIP (or maybe attendance allowance? I'm unsure) isn't means tested so her giving away the money won't matter.

Iv managed to get her on priority list for shelter accommodation. So that is promising.

She is attending AA, she knows her drinking by default caused this and is deeply ashamed. I don’t have social media. My sister texted demanding we collect mums items I contacted police and they attended as prevention of breach of peace. She tried to attack and police held her back.

Today she posted utter shite. I think I’m just fed up of it all. Court could take years. Mum could be dead by them

She gets AA. She didn’t give it away. They got her drunk wrote the cheque. They state inheritance. Nothing in writing. So we have to go to court. Police useless.

solicitors quoted 15k for injunction to freeze account but I managed to get bank to freeze as pointed out no compliance. A teenager opens new account and 6 figure sum paid no checks. But it’s all a slog and if I’m honest pressure. Everyone rightly believes they can’t do this it’s mums savings every penny.

But legally it’s hard

Yes, I know in your eyes she didn't give the money away, but because nobody official accepts that currently, that's how it looks to anyone assessing her for means tested benefits.

The problem with "they can't do this" is that they have done it. What they've done is despicable but equally, you tried to stop it in the early stages and your mum wouldn't listen to you. If in the end she is deemed to have given money away in the early days, that could affect how people see the larger sum being transferred later on. It's a complicated situation.

I'm not condoning what your sister did at all, she was wrong to effectively steal all the money and your mum should never have been kept prisoner. I don't understand why the police aren't dealing with that angle at least. Perhaps there's insufficient evidence to do anything? Lots of people suffer awful crimes and nothing is ever done about it, sadly.

Alcoholics don't generally make good parents, part of the condition is usually being abusive towards others. Your sister however is sounding deranged and will not be making herself look good in anybody's eyes. Which will hopefully help your case.

You've done well with what you've achieved with the bank and getting your mum on the housing list, sounds like they've accepted she's homeless. It will have to be paid for though so be prepared for that, if she turns out to be ineligible for housing benefit. I hope you get some resolution from the court case. At least with civil cases it's a little easier to win. It's not "beyond reasonable doubt", it's "on the balance of probability". Good luck.

Maybe complain about the bank's lack of checks on your niece account payments to the Ombudsman?
www.financial-ombudsman.org.uk/

Also did you talk to your mum's GP to get SS involved for your mum?

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/financial-abuse/