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Original poster

Child being bullied... what to do?

16 replies

User47484739478474 · 16/09/2022 16:15

DS has just started secondary school. He also has autism, it's mainstream school. He is being approached and verbally bullied by a child a couple years older. Worse thing is my child already knows the boy as we live nearby and they went to primary together at one point, DS knows his younger sister. Living nearby DS has always said hello to the boy etc but now he's just bullying him. Why? DS said the boy just does it as he walks passed him.

he keeps approaching DS saying nasty things like I'm going to beat you up etc. and patronising him. It's not even happening in the playground, it's when they are in passing between lessons, it's a smallish school so they pass each other a lot.

the first time it happened DS went to the head who dealt with it and the boy was made to apologise but it's happening more and more since - they've only been there a week.

I have made email contact about every incident my son has told me about but don't usually get a reply. Their phone lines have been down so enable to ring at this point!

ds is now saying other children are calling him a snitch, cry baby, and things like cry wolf.

thing is DS can't lie, everything he has said is true. But he's now being picked on for speaking up.

I mean wtaf. Why are some kids such assholes??

OP posts:
DesertOrchi · 16/09/2022 16:18

Tell the school and press for action,confront the parents.Bullying wrecks lives.Try bullying the bully,they are actually cowards.

PemberleyMoon · 16/09/2022 16:18

While it's entirely useless advice, I fantasize about sneaking up on the bully in a TRex costume and punching him in his little rat face. It doesn't matter who he tells. No one will believe him.

Anyway, slightly more useful advice would be to keep on at the school. The more the bully keeps making it worse by calling him a snitch, the more ammo the school have. If the school keep ignoring it I think you can go higher and email Ofsted or something.

Original poster
User47484739478474 · 16/09/2022 16:20

To add, he lives down the road from us but don't want to approach the mother and would rather deal with it within school but if the school won't sort it, I might be tempted.

apparently he's prone to bullying children with additional needs.

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carefullycourageous · 16/09/2022 16:23

Oh I am very sorry this is happening.

What I would do is go into school and politely say to the receptionist that I need to see the head or a deputy with responsibility for behaviour as my son is being seriously bullied and you need to discuss it urgently. Refuse to divulge any details and just say you will wait until someone can see you. I have only done this once but it worked for me. Most of the time I email but one time it just needed sorting out. It is very important you do not shout though, you have to be very calm.

I would never deal with something this serious with anyone lower than a deputy head - this is serious bullying and the older child should be excluded (internally probably) if they will not stop bullying a younger child.

carefullycourageous · 16/09/2022 16:25

User47484739478474 · 16/09/2022 16:20

To add, he lives down the road from us but don't want to approach the mother and would rather deal with it within school but if the school won't sort it, I might be tempted.

apparently he's prone to bullying children with additional needs.

Do not approach the mother. However if he approaches your child outside of school then you can take this down the harassment/hate crime route due to autism. It might be best not to do that immediately as I agree better to sort out through school, but you have that option for escalation if the child continues.

Original poster
User47484739478474 · 16/09/2022 16:37

Thanks all. Thankfully he will not be given the opportunity to bully outside the school. DS does not travel on the bus - he gets a taxi due to his sen. I fear if DS was on the bus it would be hell!!

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Original poster
User47484739478474 · 16/09/2022 16:40

I am new to this. Never had to much bother at primary!

I told another parent about it without mentioning names, she said her child who also has sen and at the same school has had trouble with the kid too and it's got physical and it's worse on the bus!! I'm horrified tbh!

If I don't get a reply today I am concerned it won't be until Tuesday now...

maybe I'll drop into the school next week!

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Bluevelvetsofa · 16/09/2022 17:19

Your DS did the right thing in telling someone. I’m not sure the head did the right thing by making the boy apologise, because the lad then knew it was your DS who told him, which must be when he told others, who are now calling your DS a snitch. It should be addressed, of course it should, as a matter of urgency, but the last thing you want is for this boy to escalate his bullying.

mybest · 16/09/2022 17:21

I’m sorry to hear this, kids (and adults!) can be so cruel :(

Georgeskitchen · 16/09/2022 17:27

Any slighter older siblings or cousins that could put the hard word on this kid?
My son at primary was being bullied by an older boy. Unbeknown to the boy, my son had 3 older brothers in high school.
All it took was them waiting outside school, no shouting, no violence, just told this kid to leave their brother alone.
This child probably had to change his underwear when he got home . Never bothered my boy again

SoftwareDev · 16/09/2022 17:29

I think this is a really really bad sign re: the ethos of the school. As an ex-teacher I’d hold the schools senior management team fully responsible for this.

They are obviously aware there is an issue (with at least your son and, most likely, others) yet it is ongoing.

Ultimately you need to get a copy of their anti-bullying policy and hold them to account on it. Print it off , highlight relevant sections, and take it into a meeting with a member of the management team. I think you will find that once they realise you mean business and will “play the game” (documenting everything and following their anti bullying policy) that things should change.

Original poster
User47484739478474 · 16/09/2022 17:34

Bluevelvetsofa · 16/09/2022 17:19

Your DS did the right thing in telling someone. I’m not sure the head did the right thing by making the boy apologise, because the lad then knew it was your DS who told him, which must be when he told others, who are now calling your DS a snitch. It should be addressed, of course it should, as a matter of urgency, but the last thing you want is for this boy to escalate his bullying.

You are probably right! Things DS social skills are below par and it's hard for him to understand all this 😩

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Original poster
User47484739478474 · 16/09/2022 17:36

SoftwareDev · 16/09/2022 17:29

I think this is a really really bad sign re: the ethos of the school. As an ex-teacher I’d hold the schools senior management team fully responsible for this.

They are obviously aware there is an issue (with at least your son and, most likely, others) yet it is ongoing.

Ultimately you need to get a copy of their anti-bullying policy and hold them to account on it. Print it off , highlight relevant sections, and take it into a meeting with a member of the management team. I think you will find that once they realise you mean business and will “play the game” (documenting everything and following their anti bullying policy) that things should change.

Thank you and yes I think the school have had issues but have had a new head in recent times who I believe is trying to sort it all out.

i have heard from another parent that the mother of said boy comes down hard on him if she founds out but why is he still carrying on? I don't understand!

OP posts:
Original poster
User47484739478474 · 16/09/2022 17:37

Georgeskitchen · 16/09/2022 17:27

Any slighter older siblings or cousins that could put the hard word on this kid?
My son at primary was being bullied by an older boy. Unbeknown to the boy, my son had 3 older brothers in high school.
All it took was them waiting outside school, no shouting, no violence, just told this kid to leave their brother alone.
This child probably had to change his underwear when he got home . Never bothered my boy again

Unfortunately nobody! An older girl who knows DS did stand up for DS a couple times apparently but it's now said she's a friend of this bully so she was probably adding fuel to the fire somewhat. I'm concerned she's stirring it up rather than actually caring for DS but who knows!

OP posts:
SoftwareDev · 16/09/2022 17:49

Also - print off a copy of their inclusion policy. Hit them with the relevant sections of that too!

if that doesn’t get you the desired results next step would be their complaints policy.

Original poster
User47484739478474 · 16/09/2022 18:00

Thanks all! I've had a reply from his tutor who is fab generally but was unaware of today. She said she'll get someone to ring me on Tuesday! At the minute he's saying he's not going back!

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